How do you start dating again after not dating for 8 years?

Question

How to open myself up again?
How to know if a guy wants to approach me?
How to know if a guy wants me to approach him?
How to look available?
Places to go other than the bar to potentially meet someone?

incorrected · Accepted Answer

Most men don't approach anymore. The dynamics shifted radically after #MeToo and the general messaging of Feminism and women has been to leave them alone, so now most guys leave women alone. Nobody wants to lose their job because they got reported to HR for approaching while ugly, and that kind of jazz.

Hobbies and dating sites are about all there is. Women don't incur the same risks for approaching men though, so you CAN risk cold approach in basically any situation, you just need the courage to do it.

Benlovegs · Accepted Answer

They say there is nothing better then a woman’s intuition so listen to your mind and take things slow. The rules have definitely changed but that doesn’t mean you need to agree with everything that’s going on out there these days. Respect, modesty and intelligence never expire😎

Abbycado · Accepted Answer

Go out with a group of friends. It’ll ease the tension. As for where, I met my boyfriend at school, so that isn’t going to be helpful.

My experience is that guys are not really afraid to approach. At least most of them aren’t.

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

How did you last 8 years? I wouldn't last 8 weeks.

TheRealPepperPotts · Answer

1. Get a therapist and add in some simple positive habits like walking, drinking water, a hobby you enjoy, etc. Work on your self-esteem, because from the tone of your questions it seems like you are more nervous about what a potential date will think of you than what you will think of them. What you think is important, too. :)

2. Guys are obvious when they want to approach. They hover, they look at you, they make lame attempts at conversation because they are nervous. :) It can be kind of cute.

3. Guys can be pretty aloof unless you signal them very directly. The first thing to do is to ask him a question or make a comment about something in the present, like the weather. You can tell a lot by his response. You aren't asking him out, you are starting a conversation. If he seems like he wants to chat with you, it's a good sign. Continue tossing the conversation ball back and forth if he seems engaged in it. Then ask another question and navigate a conversation depending on his response. If he seems disconnected, say "Well, thanks for your help! Have a good day." and leave. Striking up a conversation with a stranger is not as scary as people think. There's nothing weird about it unless you act awkward or simply have no people skills.

4. I wouldn't try to look too available, because it can signal desperate. Present yourself in a way that makes you feel comfortable, but is also polished. Hair, nails, skin (waxing is wonderful), good hygiene are all areas to pay attention to. I'd strongly advise against low necklines or anything that draws attention in an overtly sexual way, because you'll just attract bottomfeeders. You aren't selling yourself, you are in the market to buy, so to speak.

5. Church if you are religious, particularly activities and social events. Also interest clubs or groups, particularly outdoor ones. Just make sure it's something you are interested in or can be interested in. It would be a shame if you join a hunting club and hate it, for example, but you met a guy who thinks you like it as much as him. :) Let friends know you want to meet someone and put the word out to people who know you well. Don't underestimate older women and their matchmaking capabilities. They may have a grandson who is a bachelor, and older women are pretty savvy about who the good guys are.

Hope this helps! Good luck on your dating ventures. :)

Avicenna · Answer

Meet guys in more ordinary social environments than bars

AManOnTheWeb · Answer

I would encourage you to join some groups where there are single men involved doing an activity you genuinely care about and enjoy. Maybe it's a sailing club, or a hiking club an animal rescue organization, or an art class? You may find there are other people who share your interests and values and may be worth getting to know better.

As for the approach? Just say "Hi, I'm [name]. I noticed you and thought maybe we could meet up sometime for a coffee? Here's my number."

Guys will be happy to get approached. It reminds them that "they've still got it," and if they're unavailable, they're usually way nicer about it than women are. "I'm flattered, but I've got a girlfriend" or "Sorry [name], but I'm gay." or whatever it is. Guys aren't getting hit on constantly like some women are, and so they're less inclined to have become jaded and calcified against strangers approaching them.

Good luck to you. I hope you find someone who makes you happy!

Zack-Bann · Answer

It’s all about image at least at first

You wanna take care of your looks and go for a more seductive vibe

Then it’s all about being proactive.
Get on dating apps.
Go out. Mingle. Let friends set you up. Do all the things single adults do.

It’s like riding a bike.

I've never taken such a long break but I once dated a woman who had been single for 6 years and thought she even forgot how to have sex.
It didn’t take long to get her back in the saddle and have a natural adult relationship

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Sociologically speaking , places where dating happens, as told by statistics, are simply places where you're bound to have interpersonal relations,  regularly , happening with  the same people , so: School Workplace Bars Leisure time activities Internet communities Dating sites Psychologically speaking , it's hard to predict without knowing where one comes from, in their mind, how they relate, past experiences, personal ease etc. After 15 years, it took me one hour to start relating, but I got lucky to stumble upon the personality I needed to engage with, at that time.

bowenw · Answer

Talk to guys wherever you happen to be. Try joining some clubs that are geared for both men and women. Hang out in coffee shops, libraries, swimming pools, sporting events, or whatever interests you to meet people. Dress appropriately for where you're going and smile.

Anonymous · Answer

You just do it.
You don't need to know if he WANTS to. He'll just do it.
Guys approach, so you shouldn't need to.
Don't worry about looking available. Look attractive, happy and fun.
Get some hobbies. Anywhere you're likely to meet the sort of guys you're attracted to would be ideal.

FunnyButNotFunnyHaHa · Answer

Is there anyone in particular that interests you? Were you with one person for the last eight years? Are you emotionally ready for a new relationship?

Anonymous · Answer

Be a godly woman and find a godly man, through God ordered steps. Anything else will just be a waste of time. Most guys are just looking for casual fun or friends with benefits / sex. Fewer men approach women as well.

NicholasRedone · Answer

Looking in the mirror is always a good start - however I tell myself I love myself too much to let myself go out on the dating scene 😛🤣👀

Anonymous · Answer

I suggest a fun class of some sort.  Find someone with common interests there. The dating pool is toxic already, jumping in after eight years would be rough.

Nerdvana · Answer

Why did you stop dating in the first place? Did you have sex with anyone during the 8 years? What are you looking for now that you want to start dating again?

MasterKS · Answer

first mentally be open, approachable and available.

MizzArtFreak89 · Answer

I feel the same way and it’s been about 13 years for me

AmeerX · Answer

I think it's pretty easy for a girl to date. Why do you even worry

Crazzyyworld · Answer

You are saying that you haven’t had sex for 8 years?

Anonymous · Answer

"How to know if a guy wants me to approach him?", thats shocking

Mrtcn01 · Answer

woow are you single about 8 years..

GlowUpGirly5 · Answer

This is pathetic I'm sorry

JerseyGirl2006 · Answer

Possibly sliding into the dm.

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Sounds like we're in similar situations

How do you start dating again after not dating for 8 years?

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