Why do a lot of guys waste a single mother's time when they know they don't want anything serious?

[Anonymous]

[Explorewithme]

Hi, I am over 40, been married for 20 years, So I have ZERO experience with dating of any kind in today's world. The only thing i know of is the YouTube videos I watch. So, when I say, don't look for a guy with (a list of things you want) Look for a guy who has 3 things. Decent to look at, because you don't want to wake up beside him each morning not enjoy the view. 2nd thing, is if you're a mother of 1, Then that's perfect most guys will with a child would love to see where that goes. I know I would! however if you have 2 or more kids, The likely hood of a man wanting to choose being a farther to those kids are a lot lower. Likely cause he already has 1 or 2 & thats enough for him. Or he does not want to deal with the (baby daddy) drama. Love will go a long way but you have to get him to love you first. I know that sounds harsh but. So my suggestion here is (dont sleep with him) on the fist date. Not saying you do ! dont know you. But show him that you have love to share with him (not sex) yet. Show him that you respect him. That one will WIN him over really quickly. It would be. I'm constituently being disrespected in my own home. We have talked about it, and it goes away for a few days then it back again in little things. Always something I want her involved in. So I have learned not to involve her in what i do. Then that starts another problem, She thinks I dont love her anymore. I (hate that card) But I have to deal with it. like i said 20 years, CRAP.. Sorry your not hear to listen to me.. Just giving you a little tidbit of my life so that you can understand the guys (POV) a little. Respect goes a long way to love. Another thing is IF> he wants to do the dishes let him !!! even if you have a certain way you want to do them. Just do it after when his gone. He does not have to know. If he wants to give you breakfast in bed. Let him (even if you have a food allergy ) That he knows about. He is trying to show you he cares about you. Do little things for him, Its not being domesticated its not be submissive its not being weak to so the one that you care about a little TLC.

[OneViewpoint]

This may sound harsh and you will not like it, but it's true. Try to think about it from a man's perspective. Single mothers are the least attractive scenario for a man.

1.) The man gets a woman who has been through a failed marriage and probably carrying around all sorts of emotional and possibly sexual baggage. Why would a man want to take on that challenge?

2.) The man is asked to provide his resources, time, effort, and emotional support to raise a kid or kids who are not his own. What does the man get out of that other than debt?

3.) A single mom is probably worn out and too tired to give much attention to a man because she will put her children first. As she should. But that leaves the man out in the cold as a mule who can provide but not see any benefit. How would you expect that deal to work for a man?

4.) A man can look around and find plenty of young single women who bring none of these economic or emotional burdens to a relationship. Why wouldn't he choose the best outcome for himself?

Why does he get involved with you? He's probably hoping for sex. But he may actually really like you as a person. However when it gets real and he goes through the thought process above, he makes the rational choice. It's not his fault you're a single mom and he's not obligated to rescue a damsel in distress if it ruins his life in the process.

[naartjie]

Have standards for yourself and do NOT back down for a man. Your kid is your first priority and you make these men know this. You tell them what you want and look for, they will always say that’s also what they’re looking for just to get with you but now after a month if his actions don’t align with what he’s said then cut him off. Don’t sleep with them either. If they can’t stick around a few months of not being physical then a big 🚩


See now I feel for single mothers because people just jump to the conclusion that they’re whores or that they were the reason it failed with the kids father or in general it’s just the woman’s fault.
When people don’t think often those fathers are chetaers, sexually assaulted them, some have died, landed up in jail (not sure how this is the woman’s fault when it was the man who put himself there and failed his girl and kid) or women leave the father because he showed his true colours after the baby.


Also, the amount of women who have been married to a man and then have found out been having kids with other people too… I know too many women who have gone through this.


In the US it seems common for the baby mama to be crazy, money driven, doesn’t care about the kids which yes is bad and those women are the ones you avoid.


My mom was a single mother after my dad was an alcoholic (he hid it for years), became physically abusive and cheated on my mom with HEAPS of women for years. She’s the most selfless woman I’ve met in my life. loves with everything in her and wants to help ANYONE. She told my stepdad that her kids come first, told him what she wanted and he made it happen. Women like that are the ones you’ll happily date. The ones who put their kids first and are selfless.
My stepdad became my dad and to him, we are his.


Not all single mothers are whores or are terrible people. Some people were handed the wrong cards.

[DishLady]

1. Not all guys understand the (good) single mother's journey. It's not their fault. They may come from a two-parent household and have never dated a single mother before. Be patient and open with them.

2. Some guys have dated single mothers before who don't particularly care about serious relationships and just want to have a night of fun away from the kids. Having had this experience they figure that single moms tend to be this way.

3. Some guys have been raised by single moms and can respect the thought process and lifestyle choices that a single mom (of young children, of teenagers, etc.) has to make.

4. Some guys have been raised by single moms and resent them... then take their childhood angst out on all women, particularly single moms...

It's on you, the single mom, to suss out which of these types of guys you're dating and ditch the ones who aren't from categories 1 or 3!

[Finchie40]

Because they figure she is easy and desperate to meet a guy to help raise her kid , he just wants to get laid and have fun with her but doesn’t want anything serious with her because he doesn’t want the responsibility of helping her raise her kid. Single moms are best to find single Dad’s if she wants a serious relationship

[Avicenna]

What are they doing "to waste her time"? It's not as if the single moms don't often waste a guy's time and it's not as if these guys wouldn't waste a childless woman's time either.

[AviatorTom]

Maybe the single mom is just looking to have fun, to get out of the house, away from her kids, once in a while. It reduces stress, which single moms have a lot of.

[chrissykerdock]

your very sexist

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@AviatorTom As a single mom myself, can confirm 100%. :)

[blackeagle007]

@chrissykerdock how? You don’t want to admit women have faults? Women have too many privileges I think

[Blitterflicker]

@blackeagle007 simps.

[Cormac995]

Objectively because most men have no interest in a single mother for long term so they're fine to have sex but since they come with the baggage of being a parent, they dismiss anything more. The simple fact is as soon as you're a single mom your dating success odds got cut in half bare minimum.

Simply put for the vast majority of men you're good enough to sleep with but not good enough to date because kids cause tons and tons of problems in a relationship and no guy wants to get financially cucked helping take care of a kid that isn't even his. Most men want their own kids too if they want kids to be in the picture so the fact you already have one drives away the majority of men that want a family and not a fling.

[Shiprex]

There's more to a single mother than just the fun times. It's a big step to be brought into another's life when they're young. Men too get attached to kids when they're around them with their mother.

I dated a high school crush of mine for almost a year about 15 years after I left school. She had separated and had two tweens who were such great kids and I got on well with them. It wend nowhere when she got pissed at me for buying a house in a part of town that wasn't to her liking. So there's all sorts of other issues that single mothers bring than just kids. Baggage comes in shapes and sizes that aren't always human formed.

[Asker]

Are you saying that a lot of single mothers aren't mentally stable?

[Shiprex]

No. They bring OTHER issues to the relationship that can be deal breakers.

[Altheavas]

Generally speaking
If they’re clowns themselves of course they’ll drawn other clowns to keep the circus going.


Single parents, one might be absent, or they are very much involve, present in their children lives. Today days it’s the norm to be independent, select sperm donors, or surrogates mother, instead of making small minded emotional garbage person a parent.


To the ones disparaging single mother’s here, just because you get to speak with another clown like you who happened to be a mom, don’t get you the card to generalize everyone in the same basket, not every thrones you sit one is mighty gloriously high. Bring that shitty ego down a bit.

[Zack-Bann]

Porn made the idea of “porking” single moms hot and exciting
So guys just go for it when given the chance


No guy is gonna meet a stranger and the first thing on his mind becomes “I wanna raise the children she already has with someone else”
Unless he’s always wanted kids and couldn’t have them medically.


So unfortunately single moms or not, you have to play the dating game like everyone.
And yes it comes with a lot of wasted time and effort unfortunately

[RavVid]

I think this mystery is easily solved. Would they want sex? Yes. Do they know the single mom has given sex at least once? Yes. Would the single mom be a little more anxious for a man? Probably.

So I think a lot of guys would find this a good interim position. Maybe not very nice of them to exploit the situation though.

[Anonymous]

I usually give people the benefit of the doubt when I first meet them until they do something weird to me then I’ll be a little more cautious around them. But I’ll still stay kind, but aware. When I meet I consistent caring people, I cherish them because not many around these days.

[Anonymous]

because they see you as low hanging fruit. A desperate lady who knows she doesn't have too many options so she will settle for any crappy guy she can find. Therefore, thats why they take advantage of you. He just used you for sex, attention, affection.

Next time you date, make sure a man is willing to invest in you. This means paying for the date, consistent calls / texts, planning activities.

[xkildy]

There are men who would love the chance with a woman of character, maturity, personality, and (no OF account) or Instagram booty shorts Only simps and men unable to control their lust. Pay for all that

[Anonymous]

Because they can and need something from the experience that works for them.
Single mothers know they have little time and resources for a guy and that their children will always come first, yet they still do it.
Less than perfect on both sides but we do what we must.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Probably out of desperation for pussy to be as real and honest about it as possible.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/rhlsDqjdcBg

[sage2021]

I don't know why some guys think that single Mom's are sluts?
When I dated this jerk for a while he said that because I wasn't married that I still needed to have a sex life and so he said it might as well be with him. Jerk!

[lightbulb27]

i know guys that married single women. A lot of guys waste a lot of girls time!

so choose wisely..

The bait... is you and what you offer. It's a negotiation and you don't play your whole hand up front...

[aromatic_xo]

Why are men like that? Don’t they have compassion towards people

[aromatic_xo]

There could be girl or guys who are naive and inexperienced with love and that kinda of stuff. Doesn’t mean the guy or girl should waste there time

[lightbulb27]

@aromatic_xo It's personality and training and values. If men can get away with pleasure with no consequence, they see others do it... maybe theyve been hurt in relationships so are afraid, then they will take advantage of women.
Unfortunately you live in a time where there is a lot of depravity. you'll have to sift through guys to find a decent one, probably work with him to get over his shame and fears.

The secret sauce is to make yourself the most attractive personally... your stability, career, finances, emotional maturity. That is attractive. If you hold your value high, others will respect you. If you don't they will try to roll over you and devalue you.

Again... I've seen multiple women with kids, including myself. It's another calling to take on anothers child. Look at Matt Damon story, famous exmaple.

I think you have some learning to do about people and persoanlities. If you don't know that humans are corrupt and there are some wicked personalities out there, then you need to get out of your shell and learn so you can confidently navigate. I had to as well.

[lightbulb27]

@aromatic_xo Are you overly trusting person? How do you feel about your own emotional maturity, understanding of people?

[aromatic_xo]

And that’s why woman/men get “baggage” for meeting people like this. They learn next time not to be so trusting of people, and have this negative view, trauma or whatever.

Taking someone else kids is a big responsibility, but if you found someone with good character and everything you dream of, then accepting their children should not be a problem.

[aromatic_xo]

I usually give people the benefit of the doubt when I first meet them until they do something weird to me then I’ll be a little more cautious around them. But I’ll still stay kind, but aware. When I meet I consistent caring people, I cherish them because not many around these days.

[lightbulb27]

@aromatic_xo yes true. like shopping for clothes or a car or anything, you have to be discerning and find what fits and then put the effort into make it work. They are out there. Be clear about your intentions. Some guys won't take on anothers kids.
You'd have better luck where people have good training, families and such. My relative took on 3 kids and he met his wife on match. I met my wife on gag. It's a matter of the heart, values, alignment. when it's a good match, it works! As well, the X's has to be in their respective place... finished.

[lightbulb27]

@aromatic_xo note... the woman makes the family. teh child still wants their dad, there is no replacement (if alive). so you make a nuclear family, but you respect ad honor your new mate when you find one.

[blackeagle007]

@aromatic_xo women are too demanding, money, shower with gifts. They want us guys to put up with drama. Women thrive off of it

[aromatic_xo]

@blackeagle007 .. lol not all woman are demanding and thrive off of drama, it’s like saying all men are controlling, cheaters, superficial or whatever 😄
however, I do believe that men should be the provider and woman takes care of the home and the kids.. it really depends on the situation and where you guys want to be in end goal.

Maybe you’re not choosing the right partner as to why you feel like it’s “drama” to you. Some man who has similar traditional mindset to hers money, gifts could understand her perspective and handle it. That’s why you should look for a character that aligns with yours. if she's showing signs of what you think is “drama” and you knew this then don’t pursue her, someone else might not think its “drama” to them.

[lightbulb27]

I dated my wife sight unseen but had conversed for quite a while. You are right that guys can be drawn to wrong person (ditto girls) for wrong reasons. The initial infatuation distorts ins thinking and in time the morals values and personality and traumas are exposed. The western process is jacked! Other cultures tried to improve that. Getting to know someone character, communication much better… eg you marry (attach) to a brain and heart. That important!

[blackeagle007]

@aromatic_xo I don’t want kids. Guess I’m not traditional. I like to meet someone independent. I shouldn’t be the soul provider. Women are allowed to work, so why stay home?

[blackeagle007]

@aromatic_xo and I can think what I want. I live in community housing. When we had women here, there was drama. Now it’s just us guys. No drama. Notice something?

[lightbulb27]

@blackeagle007 my street is filled with women and men. yes women can make drama, that's why we have culture and ethics and rules... to minimize. men can do it too. you may get sick of it all and bail out of the "process". I did that long ago. it is really just avoidance. you can't shut down mating or love... bonding, etc..

[blackeagle007]

I like the drama is more of a female thing. It’s cause they have weird emotions. For you to say guys have a thing about drama, that makes me question your man card. Do you go to the restroom with your friends? Maybe you are secretly a woman.

It’s ok friend, do what you gotta do. But no way you’re considered a male

[lightbulb27]

I didn't say that but guys can go for the more emotional feminine right brain vs logical ones

[blackeagle007]

You have no light bulb

[lightbulb27]

@blackeagle007 It's scientific... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_USJCTIgs4

[aromatic_xo]

@lightbulb27 thats a very cute story how you met your wife. It also tells me that you looked at her character first then her looks which tells me it’s genuine love. Looks fade overtime and the heart and brain stays.

That’s true, the western is corrupted.

[blackeagle007]

@aromatic_xo women focus on looks first though

[lightbulb27]

@aromatic_xo right on! And I went outside my cultural comfort, which has brought many dividends. No wonder so many people suffer today. But I do see people pairing up all over, so I wish you luck finding someone whom reciprocates. If you keep pulling a "blue fish" out of a lake full of yellow fish... then you have to look at yourself. I learned that as well... you are the chooser and our emotional sub conscious is doing the filtering... sometimes not well.

[aromatic_xo]

@blackeagle007
if you like an independent woman, who works, pays for there stuff, and don’t want kids and whatever than I’m sure there are many woman out there that has the same mentality as yours. Like I said, it’s all about finding your right person who shares that same value and life perception as you.

What I believe doesn’t have to be the same for yours, not everyone on this planet thinks the same.

woman are capable of making their own money, I have a job, have my own home, so I’m capable of being independent but in my belief, for relationships man and woman play a role in making it work. It really all comes down to your preference.

So far everywhere that I’ve worked, woman do seem to gossip and enjoy drama more but there are woman out there that are not like what you said.

[lightbulb27]

@aromatic_xo You make a great point, it's personality... how much left vs right brain! My wife can't stand gossip at work and stays out of it. But the majority of them, it's all they do. You choose your mate! A relative though, she goes to one person and talks, then to the other... everything is repeated. It's the person! But yes, there is less drama with men.

[blackeagle007]

@aromatic_xo I’ll believe it when I see it. Bet ur friends are like that

[aromatic_xo]

Totally agree, staying out of drama definitely makes life easier. Your wifes a smart lady, one of the rare ones! No need to stoop to that level

[aromatic_xo]

lol love the wisdom! Now, I need to know more about this blue and yellow fish advice 😄What’s the meaning behind it? 🐠

[lightbulb27]

@aromatic_xo oh just the analogy that finding a mate is like going fishing? You have the concept... the right location, lure, techniques... and the fish gotta be biting. The right bait for the right fish too. It's complex. And the woman is the one fishing:)
However... talking guys now... if you keep pulling the same problem guy out of the pool, then it's an issue with you... the fisherwoman. It's your limited dating pool or it's you. If you see patterns, it is a sign to explore yourself and what is going on. I learned the hard way how our sub conscious is the one doing the choosing in life. You can readup on that. It may not make sense until you suffer enough to be fully motivated to never repeat the pain.
You know the reasons you got into the last situation and ended up single with a child. That should have had it's own lessons unless he was a hubby whom tragically died. Close relationships expose our deeper "stuff... subconcious wounds". When those emotions are heightened, you can do work to correct deepr standing childhood wounds that are controlling... limiting you. Else... you just live as you were conditioned to... and map to whom you map to.
Make sense? Haha, it's all fun to me now...:)

[lightbulb27]

Talk to some marriage counselors or counselors about how things work, or some books or videos... you'll see, you'll learn a bunch you didn't know you didn't know:) And a whole new world opens up!:)
Be a smart fisherwoman:)

[aromatic_xo]

Ah, that make sense. Thanks for the word of wisdom 😊 I had rearrange marriage at young age. Ever since my divorce, it’s been hard to let me open to myself to another person because of my experience, I think I might be too picky

[Screenwriter]

Because they think they're easy pickings. The woman is alone with no support network and few men who are interested. They want to get some quick sex and move on.

[Nikki1989]

Many men enjoy the ego boost of dating and receiving attention without any intention of reciprocation or commitment. Choose wisely, as most men are not worth the trouble.

[AnonAndrew]

Well, they may not have wasted her time on purpose. Sometimes relationships just don't work out.

[ProbablyClueless]

Assholes are gonna asshole, no matter what. But I think most guys go into those situations genuinely not knowing whether they want anything serious and they just try to feel the situation out.

[HungTexan]

They just want sex, and assume since you’re a single mom that you’re horny and easy.

[aromatic_xo]

Why would they think they are horny and easy lol?
.

[HungTexan]

@aromatic_xo some guys are stupid. No fixing it.

[Kelley1]

The men need to fuck and most single moms are trash anyway.

[jshm2]

Because they think you are easy, and want to add to your "creampie collection".

[slatyb]

Because they are still teenage boys who view life as a video game where having sex is the prize.

[Anonymous]

The same reason they waste anyone else’s time. They just want to fuck around no strings attached

[Anonymous]

It’s up to you to try and use your discernment, men will go as far as you allow them to. It’s hard, men in general are sex driven. Being a mom can label us as easy or desperate.

[Asker]

Are you a mom?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes…

[Asker]

How is dating for you?

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t date, my friend tried to get me out a little bit on dating apps and it was 🗑️. I’m not even a year out of a DV relationship so it’s for the best. Currently getting therapy before I seriously consider anyone. I’ve been celibate for 2 years and some months.

[Nightmoon23]

If the mother wants something serious I would be with them cause I know one thing I want is kids and if there willing to have more I’ll stick around for good

[disappoint3d]

The paradox is that single moms are actually a huge waste of time to begin with.

[Asker]

Is it true?

[disappoint3d]

Single moms that want a new guy to raise kids they had with someone else and bring financial stability when all they can offer in return is sex are the definition of "waste of time".

[Anonymous]

You should probably be looking for single dads. 90% of the guys that date single mothers do so to get access to their underage children. 9% are single dads; and 1% are not a single dad nor a pedophile.

[aromatic_xo]

That’s fkd up, 90%? That’s a lot. Where did you get that info from? You’re basically saying mostly all men are profiles?

[aromatic_xo]

*all men are pedofiles?

[Opinion Owner]

Not all men, just the ones that date single moms.

[aromatic_xo]

And how do you know that? sounds like it’s your own mentality

[Opinion Owner]

As a survivor of sexual abuse as a minor, I support groups that fight the sexual exploitation of children. One of the groups PR guy was on a news program and discussed how frequently the children of single mothers are often victimized by their boyfriends.

[aromatic_xo]

Sorry, you’ve experienced that. If that’s true, that’s pretty sad.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Same reason why a lot of girls waste a single father's time when they know they don't want anything serious

[JamesRandiDebates]

Single mothers are good for a short term fling and nothing more.

[Asker]

Why do you think that? Do you still think that if she only has 1 kid?

[JamesRandiDebates]

ANY kid is too many.

[Asker]

You never stated why?

[JamesRandiDebates]

No guy worth having is going to waste his life raising some other dude's mistake.

[Asker]

What if the guy is a single dad?

[JamesRandiDebates]

I wouldn't date him at all. I'm not a gay.

[Anonymous]

They are evil Russian operatives sent to cause strife and discord in the average person's life.

[Anonymous]

Because some of the single moms are just easy whores

[dustybiker2]

Unfortunately jerks don't wear name tags.

[Sevenpointfive]

stop being so available

[Agape93]

They want a milf but no responsibility

[Vegasrunner]

Single moms are more for recreational use.

[Asker]

Why is that?

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker Assuminr she's a halfway decent mother she's not going to be able to prioritize you. Plus if the kid is young the babies daddy is probably still around. Overall it's just a waste of a man's time to invest their energy in a woman that already has someone else's kid. Having sex with her is fine but wouldn't make her your main girl.

[Pterodon]

All they want is pussy

[Asker]

Why don't they want anything serious?

[Pterodon]

If you want serious date older men

[Asker]

What age range?

[Pterodon]

I’d say 35 and up

[blackeagle007]

Women waste guys time

[Asker]

How?

[blackeagle007]

I think you know

[jahaims]

They don't respect her and just want to use her.

[Ariesman81]

We don't... women waste it for us.

[naartjie]

🤣🤣🤣

[Anonymous]

Cause her time is for wastin.

[Asker]

Why is that?

[Opinion Owner]

Because let's be honest. Her life is already a train wreck. See this is the thing that the vast majority of single moms don't get. It wasn't an accident they're single moms. These women are typically very poor decision maker and judges of character hence why they ended up a single mom. No self respecting guy chooses that. So, knowing that she only going to choose one bad potential husband after the next, adding further trauma to the child's life. It would probably be best for everyone if she just embraced her failure and raised the child alone. But we know that won't happen. So we'll just watch her get passed around till she too bitter to date anymore.
Probably not what you wanted to hear. But there it is.

[Asker]

Wow you did a lot of generalizing in your response. In today's time a lot of single moms are doing better on their own. They don't need a guy to come in and "save them". They just want someone to love them.

Guys should be held more accountable because they abandoned their responsibility. How is a mom supposed to know a guy is a deadbeat if it's your first child together?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes. This site doesn't deal in specifics. It's all going to be generalizations hun. I don't care if you're a strong independent woman (nobody said otherwise either). So that point of your is irrelevant.
No, guys are not the problem. I mean they are, but she's doing the choosing of them guys. This always amuses me when you get some woman on here complaining how the last 10 guys have cheated on her. Or f***ed her and dumped her. And I always respond the same way. What is the common denominator in all those relationships? SHE IS! She chose EVERY one of those guys. So at the end of the day whose fault is it? It's hers. She obviously cannot tell a good man from a bad man. It's probably ingrained in her.
Step 1 to fixing a problem? Knowing the problem. And too many single mom want to blame EVERYBODY but themselves.
But you know what. They don't have to take my advice. Because clearly they got it all figured out don-/ they. Which is why they're a single mom.👍😆

[moneymagnet24]

Why single mother think guys take them seriously?

[WhitneySnow]

They want sex

[hello4433]

I agree

[MasterKS]

Easy sex: Single mother!

[Nerdvana]

For sex

[fourthfair]

Guys suck

[Asker]

What guy can you actually trust and give a shot to?

[Anonymous]

Maybe they cute?