Why do guys have a problem when dating single mothers that they don't want to provide for her child?

[Anonymous]

[lightbulb27]

I had to reread this. This is a heart question on being a step parent. Decide to take on the love and commitment for the family or not. That is a choice. I did and I know others that have.

That said, the father and mother should provide responsibily for the financial and emotional well being of their child... savings for college, cars, big things. But if they are deadbeats, you (the guy) are taking on the child... no different than adopted yourself.. and steer their destiny to success. I know people that have done this and made all the difference in the world for the childrens health.

I will say though... if the relationship breaks up, are you taking the kid or is the x boyfriend getting rights to spend time in their lives? He puts all that investment of time, money and life in... and then you both waltz out of his life and he has noone there to support him when he's older? How are you going to provide him that emotional security? What is he getting out of fully supporting your child? I'll answer that.. he's getting the joy of sharing life with the children.

You see his viewpoint?

[Finchie40]

Because dating isn’t a relationship, dating is just getting to know each other , and plus your kid isn’t his kid , so he shouldn’t be responsible for your kid or kids at all , that’s your problem not his. Single mothers’ are best to date single fathers’ so they are both on the same page with things’ Most single guys’ don’t want to be with a girl that already has children from another guy, for that reason amongst other reasons as well, because it’s not his child whatsoever. A single parent should not be expecting someone else to help take care of their children. I am a single father and I won’t even introduce a girl that I am dating to my kids’ until I really get to know her and feel she is in it for the long haul , over the short haul. i will be honest with her that i have kids’ right from the start I think single parents’ that introduce their kids’ right away are idiots , because kids’ tend to get attached as well and if the relationship doesn’t work out? the kids can get affected and hurt as well, especially if they liked the person you were dating to begin with , and then all of a sudden they are gone. So it’s best not to introduce your kids’ to anyone , until you know for a fact that person is in it for the long haul.

[Nikki1989]

Just here to read the blue anons shoot themselves in the foot with their inane, immature comments.

[Nikki1989]

Never mind, they have already done it. Never fails.

[hahahmm]

This would be like a guy is shopping for a car.. and the car salesman gives him two options:

A. Mint condition, slightly used car that he will own free & clear.

B. Mint condition, slightly used car with a boat trailer & baby sized boat permanently welded to the back that weighs 500 pounds (increases gas needed), plus the previous owner can drive the car any time you're sleeping or out of town because he's so comfortable in that car & the little boat is half his.

Nahhhhhhhhhhhh to B

[hahahmm]

Plus... guys don't like to feel that the same person who sucks at picking men has now picked him.

[DextroShade]

There are many reasons:

• From an evolutionary perspective, we don't want to waste our resources on some other guy's DNA; this is why male lions kill the cubs when they take over a pride.
• He will never be her first priority
• He will at some point be expected to provide for the kid if he stays with her long enough, but will never have authority over that kid.
• If he does bond with the kid and but they break up, he has no right to ever see the kid again
• The baby daddy will likely be an ongoing issue

[Juxtapose]

^^ well said!

[thearchjoker]

Single mothers are not seen as very attractive for a multitude of reasons to make things worse even if he supports your children he could end up never seeing them again if your break up or divorce and since you are a single mother it could indicate a higher chance of that happening thus feeding the feedback loop.

[Anonymous]

Plain and simple, not their child. Some will. But regardless they shouldn’t have to. It’s a preference just like women have preferences or requirements on a lot of things when it comes to men they will or won’t date. Would you let another man discipline your child, even if it meant spanking the child?

[Staximus]

Because it's not their child, that's the kid's bum father's job. Women shouldn't have kids they can't support. They definitely shouldn't have kids with some bum who can't support those kids, either. Why should the next guy get punished for her poor life decisions?

[nawtee_me]

They don’t understand that they are a package deal and they can’t love one without loving the other. If they can’t do that then they need to move on. They think since a woman has a child then it is easy pickings for sex. Guys like that are just pigs….

[strateguy632]

That is not a problem. They don't have any problem.

Guys do consider paying for someone else's child unfair. Expected him to pay , is not only ugly but part of gold digger.

[johnknoxxx]

Several reasons- one being the obvious reason... not my child. Another could be that the father is involved and they don't want to cross him, or the individual has no intention of staying around and doesn't want to develop a bond... or develop a bond yet.

[Berethor]

Because it not his child, it's also why it better to not date a single mom at all.

[Asker]

Why do I see a lot of guys dating single mothers and they're happy?

[Berethor]

Desperate guys, single moms are low quality women, never a man's first choice.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Guys don’t want to feel like they have to pay for another woman’s mistake.

It’s just really fcking weird.

To have to raise a child that isn’t actually ours to begin with.

Like wtf?

[Asker]

When dating a single mom the kids are a part of the deal. I don't feel it is right to judge a woman off past mistakes

[WhiteBoyChill]

I agree with what you’re saying, but it is baggage to take on

[MrOracle]

"I don't feel it is right to judge a woman off past mistakes"

You can feel however you want, but that's literally what judgement IS: looking at your past behavior. And it's always going to happen to everyone. If you don't think women just men based off of their past, you're delusional. And I'm not saying they shouldn't - they SHOULD! And so should men.

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and many decisions that people make are strong indicators of low morals and values, and not only is it very important to pay attention to those things, it's also true that your actions and choices HAVE CONSEQUENCES.

If you have your face tattooed, you may think it's unfair that no "professional" business will hire you, but that won't change the fact that they won't. If you rob a bank, and then find no business will hire you for any job that involves money, you might think it's unfair because you did your time in jail, but that still isn't going to change the fact that no one will give you that kind of job.

Actions and choices have consequences, and you don't get to escape them just because you don't think it's fair. Life isn't fair.

[WhiteBoyChill]

@MrOracle Very true. You’d be a very miserable person if you went around expecting life to always be fair. 99% of the time, it never is

[slatyb]

Because it's not their child. As a single mother, you can simply not date those men.

[Asker]

A lot of men are like this

[slatyb]

Then there are a lot of men you shouldn't date. Your first priority has to be your child.

[Pterodon]

Not his kid. That’s what court ordered child support is for

[power_wolf]

this.

[Asker]

When you date a single mom the children are a part of the deal.

[fonduegirl]

Is the father in picture? That's most important.

If she's like windowed or something, current dude's gotta pay.

If the father abandoned them, again, takes the toll on the current dude.

BUT. If the guy's just divorced, he's probably paying

[Anonymous]

imagine dating a single father and having to provide for his child

now, would wanna be in that equivalent situation when you're single?

[ProbablyClueless]

Because it's a significant financial responsibility for a life we didn't help to create.

[Juxtapose]

So if you date a single father are you going to provide for him and his child?

Didn't think so.

[LiamJHayden]

While just going on dates? Hard to see how that should be anyone's responsibility other than the mom's and dad's.

[dragoblack]

Those kind of guy just want "the milf factor" and that's it. They are not guys that want deep relationships... if even one at all.

[msc545]

Why should they it's not their child. Go after the real father and stop trying to prey on men that you were dating.

[Pohjolan]

Dating isn't a committed relationship.

You want the girlfriend treatment without a girlfriend status.

[cloud9vortex1234]

The Real Father should be supporting the child.

[Asker]

That is true but if you're dating a single mom and the father is not present they are a package deal

[cloud9vortex1234]

I disagree, they don't have to be a Package Deal. I've dated Single Moms who understand its not my kid to support. They have their own job and/or the Biological Father supports them. Are you a Single Mother?

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆 are you serious? You're lucky he wants to provide for you. Single moms are second tier, possibly 3rd tier women.

[jahaims]

Why would another man support someone else's child.

[noohair]

Where is the Father, or sperm donor? We have courts for this.

[EnjoytheDay777]

They're irresponsible and it's not true love, in my opinion

[Anonymous]

Provide for a child I'll never see again when we break up? No thanks.

[Anonymous]

I been and I'm trying to save up to help her out more

[Jmmmfi4]

I WOULD IF IT WAS A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP

[TheCaller]

I don't have any problems

[Ladsin2]

What?