Did I ruin the vibe by being honest?

[GirlwithaQ]

I met a guy at a concert, and we’ve been talking almost daily. Our conversations often last over an hour, and we’ve built a strong connection. Due to work and logistics, we haven’t seen each other again, but the attraction is undeniable. He’s been clear about being into me, and our conversations have become more flirtatious and intimate. We’ve both expressed a desire to act on this, though we haven’t defined what we are.

As our chemistry grew, he asked to stop by a few times at my place when he was in my area. While I wanted to, I always declined. The reason? A close male friend has been temporarily staying with me due to family issues. It wasn’t long-term—he’s moving out next week—and it didn’t feel necessary to mention, especially early on and especially since it is not the status quo. I didn’t want to belabor things byt every time I turned him down for whatever reason I could find, I felt uneasy. I knew privacy was important for our this time together, and I didn’t want things to feel restricted or awkward. After declining a few times, I realized he might think I was avoiding him, which wasn’t true.

A couple of days ago, when he asked again, I decided to be upfront. I sent him a voice note explaining the situation in a casual and transparent way. His response? “Hey mama” followed by “understood” and a 🙏🏽 emoji. Since then, his energy has completely shifted. He’s been distant—short replies, no enthusiasm, and he hasn’t returned my call, which is unusual.

A friend told me I shouldn’t have told him at all, saying men are naturally jealous, and this likely made him feel some type of way. I don’t regret telling him, but I also don’t want to over-explain or send a “Did I do something wrong?” text. Still, his reaction feels off, especially since we haven’t even spent real time together yet.

So now I’m wondering: Did I ruin the vibe by being honest? Should I give him space and let him come around, or should I check in to clear the air?

[Miristheiss]

Well, to be honest, any man's man, a wise man, a man who has a good sense of what types of women are good long term partners and which are to be avoided or treated as "for fun" only... KNOWS that women that have really close male friends... willing to live with another man are not relationship material.

If he is smart, he's just checked you off of the list of being someone to pursue. Maybe he has moved on from you or you've moved over to the "fun only" column. You keeping male friends that are that close and intimate in your life is solid evidence you are not a long term interest or ever wife worthy. Maybe to the weak, pathetic simps who'll just take whatever they can get, or the male feminists who are wimpy men, they'll still go after you.

A real strong, masculine man who is a good leader and has an eye for good long term women they'll probably not view you as anything serious. They go after feminine, non-feminist, more traditional women that have girlfriends. They may have male ACQUAINTANCES but their close friends are not men. They don't let men live with them.

[Miristheiss]

"A CLOSE MALE FRIEND... who LIVES WITH ME"

Are you freaking serious? How dumb can you be.

[BarryLiverstone]

She doesn’t want a long term relationship. Why call her dumb? She just wants sex

[GirlwithaQ]

To be honest. You sound like the weak and insecure one. This guy is in no way sexually attracted to me and I was helping out a friend because I have a spare bedroom. A real man would be attracted to this quality. Needless to say, I was away for work so I wasn’t even around for the majority of the time and it has been a few days.

[GirlwithaQ]

@BarryLiverstone thank you and even if it turned into something where I wanted something more, it is definitely not there yet. Although understanding why it might’ve made him feel some typa way, I surely can’t be expected to base my life decisions on someone I saw once.

[Miristheiss]

Irrelevant.
He may still see if he can have sex but I'd bet he sees you differently. That is why there is a change. Use your logic.
I have a CLOSE MALE FRIEND... he LIVES WITH ME.
Suddenly there is a change in his behavior.
It isn't rocket science.

[GirlwithaQ]

Is there any way that this can be salvaged. I want to explain to him that I wasn’t even here and for what it’s worth this guy has never been into me or any other woman. He is in all likelihood gay.

[Miristheiss]

ps -
"you sound like the weak one"
That is just your feminist indoctrination coming through.
You even having men as your close friends and willing to let men live with you to begin with says it all. A lot of men just aren't into that. I know feminism tells you women can always just do whatever the hell they want at all times and men cannot have standards. Men are insecure if they have standards. Women's standard list can be a mile long but if a man has standards in women... insecure/weak.

Ok.

[GirlwithaQ]

I am not fighting you. I don’t know why you are fighting me. I actually just asked for your advice, if this is the case, of how I can restore perception? I don’t even have a bunch of male friends.

[Lliam]

@GirlwithaQ. Don't listen to this ass hat. His views on women are atypical.

[Summeroflove]

It’s best just to talk to him I don’t feel like you did anything wrong some people just loose interest.

[GirlwithaQ]

there was a definite shift right after I told him this though. maybe just give it space and then ask if everything is ok cos I felt a little vibe shift?

[Summeroflove]

It happens to the best of people. Just kind of ask him about it and give him some space until he responds.

[Summeroflove]

But some people just aren’t meant to be and loose interest for some reason or another

[GirlwithaQ]

yeah. he was just very very into it and right after I said this he was completely different. How would you ask a question about it?

[Summeroflove]

Just say “hey I feel a change since I told you about that stuff I just am wondering if you lost interest if you did that’s okay I just want some closure and I’ll give you space”

[molonski2]

OMG , I'm in such a similar circumstance right now and they have multiplied x 2 ..

Long Story , also will not be long.

I think you need to contact him and really reenforce that this guy staying is absolutely nothing , I kinda get where he is coming from but I think you can turn it around.

[GirlwithaQ]

thank you. I actually allowed him to come past while the other guy was here so he could see there is nothing to worry about and we are good good. thanks for speaking life into it. I hope your situation gets sorted asap.

[molonski2]

Thankyou , yes , I'm sure it will , and frankly a big part my fault for offering..
But , I know what I'm doing , but this was possibly not the greatest idea.. hahahahaha

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes, but the vibe that was affected is a sexual vibe. It sounds like he wanted to spend time at your place for intimacy and you kept saying no. I understand logistics, but if he was in your area you couldn’t meet him in a public place for a date?

[GirlwithaQ]

100%
This relates to intimacy but it wasn’t something I was not entertaining - so these two things are happening simultaneously. Despite having been emotionally vulnerable, the connection is mostly physical. I don’t want to miss out this connection in whatever way. Is it best to just give it space?

[BarryLiverstone]

A bit of space, but if you just want him to come to your place for sex, then follow up and let him know when the other guy is leaving. Make it clear you want him to come by asap and that it’s physical.

[GirlwithaQ]

Yeah. I mean not just that. It would be nice to have him over and spend some time in general. I don’t want to define it as of yet. For what it’s worth he was really into it and was speaking of it in a bit of a long term way. The sexual chemistry was just undeniable too. Just give it space?

[BarryLiverstone]

Yup, a bit of space. You can reach out again a day or so before your friend moves out. If the guy was sexually attracted to you anyway that will not subside in a week. He likely felt like you were lying to him in some way since you are just now telling him about another guy.

[GirlwithaQ]

Do you think he might feel differently if he knew the guy is male-leaning when it comes to who he is attracted to?

[BarryLiverstone]

Tbh no. As you said he only saw you once so he hasn’t learned to trust you yet. The less you mention the guy living with you the better. Unfortunately us guys have an ego and even if the guy at your place is male leaning the concert guy may think he’s still into you. So it’s best to not try and make sense of the situation as you said he’s moving out next week.

Tbh another reason to give him space is to generate a bit of sexual tension. I’ve noticed a pattern with girls who want to talk everyday and slowly increase a connection and vibe over time.. thinking that frequency can do that long distance. As I said if he’s into you he could not hear from you from a few days and it’s not like that would kill any attraction. Does that make sense?

[GirlwithaQ]

Solid advice. Thanks. We girls have the tendency of over explaining and this belabors things unnecessarily. What I also don’t wanna do is kill the sexual attraction by making it deeper than it already is - cos this is just a surefire way to get you lot to run. lol. If I let it breathe for a few do you think a text like this could be damaging: Hey babe, might be wrong, but I felt a little shift after I mentioned my current sitch. It was just a brief thing while I was away, so I haven’t really been here and thought it would be sorted by now. Really nothing to worry about. But if something’s up, pls let me know?

[BarryLiverstone]

Not damaging but that text still isn’t clear : “thought it would be sorted by now” communicates it’s not resolved (aka he’s still living with you). Otherwise ya be honest and remind him you still wanna see him again

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Yes I know you are aware of deepening the connection too much before seeing him again in person. You are also aware of being a stage 5 clinger and over texting. Lol it’s never easy is it?

[GirlwithaQ]

Maybe: Hey babe, might be wrong, but I felt a little shift after I mentioned my current sitch. It was just a brief thing while I was away, so I haven’t really been here. I thought it would be sorted before I am back but luckily it’s imminent. Should be back to normal by next week. Really nothing to worry about. But if something’s up, pls let me know?

Obviously still wanna see you and we don’t have to wait because of this.

[BarryLiverstone]

That works

[GirlwithaQ]

Thank you for being so respectful and just giving me some solid advice from a guy’s perspective. I wait a while before I do this though ne? Cos it might not even be necessary?

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Yes wait until a day before that guy moves out

[GirlwithaQ]

you are right because if he is still going to be around it might put him off even further.

[GirlwithaQ]

had to specifically come back to this to let you know we are good. thanks so much.

[BarryLiverstone]

Good news. I’m happy you all communicated. Now is the fun part :)

[BarryLiverstone]

Feel free to follow me if you need any more guy perspective

[NicholasRedone]

@GirlwithaQ no advice - it's just how life is. :) sometimes it's right person, bad timing. Bad timing bad person. Right person right timing - though many years pass. Shrug 😔 I mean I for one don't mind being 30 and somewhat faintly similar to you, circumstances meant I never brought a lady home.

"But I wanted to' / voiced dreamily voice over. However I also don't complain that I've loved how I've been able to self develop as a human 😄 despite the solo

[NicholasRedone]

I'll always gave my daydreams 👀😋

[GirlwithaQ]

I hope this finds you. You absolutely deserve living your dreams.

[NicholasRedone]

@GirlwithaQ I hope all is well likewise lady - I'm just an airy-fairy loser man, yet happily about it. Yet I thought I'd add loser to self assure people that I still appreciate not everyone's cup of tea is one special me here ☕😁

[NicholasRedone]

@GirlwithaQ emoji tea or coffee anyone? ☕😀

[NicholasRedone]

@GirlwithaQ anyways have a nice best of luck with your lifestyle lady - oh I've loved daydreaming ever since I could daydream. Enjoy 😊