Caught feelings in a unserious relationship?

[allie13]

I’ve caught feelings for this guy we agreed to unserious but now I’ve caught feelings I don’t wanna end up hurt so I don’t know what to do cus I also don’t wanna loose him, my thoughts where: tell him I just wanna be friends, tell him I can’t do it anymore cus unserious is unfulfilling, or just remove him 🤷‍♀️

Would really appreciate some advice:)

[SteveSmith1985]

You are one smart cookie. You realize that this might be a problem (and it may very well be). But unlike 99% of people, you're thinking clearly about it. You will indeed end up hurt if you continue with this as an unserious relationship where you're feeling pretty serious.

I can tell you exactly what to do. Whether or not you do it, is up to you. So, you're planning to end it.

Removing him? Now that's your worst of all possible options. You lose him completely, you hurt him (unserious or not, that's going to hurt him. A lot. Also, you leave things with him hating you and confused. Also it would make you a coward in the extreme. Don't do that.

Tell him you just want to be friends? Well... you're partly right here.

You want to have an open and honest conversation. You tell him that you're developing feelings for him. You let him know that you're not able to continue doing this unserious relationship thing. So, if he's not ready/looking for something more substantial (an actual relationship); then you have made the decision to end it. But that you would love to continue on as friends.

You need a bit of courage. If you put your cards on the table (tell him you have feelings) then he will put his cards down too. So, if he feels the same way, he will obviously tell you at this point. If not, then ok.

You need to take a risk here. Not taking a risk in a situation like this is a sucker's bet.

Unless you're 1000% positive that there's no chance that he might want something more with you. You'd be crazy not to let him know how you feel before ending things. You end up in the same spot. What's the worst that's going to happen. Your half-boyfriend might find out you actually like him (gasp!)

Don't be a chicken. You have nothing to lose.

🙂

[allie13]

Thankyou so much this is so helpful!! I don’t really think there’s a chance of anything happening with him as he said multiple times that he just wants something unserious with me and his mates have even told me he’s talking to someone seriously but that just apparently I promised him I wouldn’t cause any issues with him and that he doesn’t have to worry about me and I’d like to keep that promise :)

[allie13]

Was thinking of saying something like : don’t think I’m built for unserious (that pretty much implies I’ve caught feelings) sorry, would like to be mates tho

[SteveSmith1985]

Well if you're sure that he isn't interested... then I guess you can just end it (which you should) and be friends. But if you do that... no fucking around, just be friends.

It might still be worth it to tell him why. But you judge your own situation. But what are you going to tell him about why you're ending things? It's hard to end a non-relationship for no reason to become friends again. Catching feelings is a good reason, that won't leave him confused and possibly not feeling so positive about you. It's not even really a risk. You're not asking him out. You're telling him: Since you aren't looking for something serious, I think we should just be friends.

Seems simplest and best to tell the truth (unless you've got some good plan for what you're going to say?)

[SteveSmith1985]

haha, I see I slightly misread your shortest reply. But I guess you know that already. how did it go?

[Zack-Bann]

Welcome to the messy world of causal dating
I’ve lived this dance more than once


You just reminded me of all the times I had girls end things with me just because they caught feelings and didn’t want to act on them or assumed I didn’t either


The irony is that if any one of those girls had suggested trying to date for real I would have seriously considered it
And from there either agreed to give it a real shot
Or told her exactly why I can’t
Either way she wouldn’t be acting based on her best guess as to what I’m thinking


The best kept male secret is the myth that we don’t catch feelings in bed
It’s not true.


He could just as easily have caught feelings for you and is wondering the exact same thing


But since you both agreed to keep it casual neither one is willing to open that door


If can’t go on fucking him and watching him leave then you have to make a choice
And if you’re damned either way, might as well try talking to him

[allie13]

I just don’t wanna cause him any stress he said 4 separate times asking if it is unserious

[allie13]

Also since the last time I saw him we’ve been talking less

[ohsheeT]

Ok so is this your first guy. Or second.

If so your moving way to fast relax . this could be a puppy love or you just want someone to love you..

Just relax you don't have to say anything.. but at the same time just dont give yourself to him either..
your in a bad spot kinda. Because he knows you really like him.. and who know what he was thinking.

But if he's just out to have fun with you. He knows he can do anything right now. And then say good bye ..
Then your going to have a broken heart.
When you said what you said what did he say and what was the look on his face what happen the rest of the night

[allie13]

Just got out of serious relationship a year ago and I haven’t told him I like him

[ohsheeT]

How long with the new guy.

there's many ways to tell him. That you like him..
Some guys get scared when you come. Straight out say that, but there are other ways
Or just let things happen

[allie13]

We met like 5-4 months ago got on really well made plans too meet up and he blocked me saw him like a week before valentines he kept looking at me and I was with my guy friend, then saw him on Valentine’s Day and we talked and he unblocked me and we have been taking every day since but recently we’ve been talking less he also kept asking about my guy friend what’s your best advice on what I could say

[ohsheeT]

No matter what, you have to be honest. But I still feel bad about the guy when he talks to you. Just look so deep into his eyes and don't look away
Watch his eyes. see if he can stay focused, looking deep into your eyes and not looking away

[allie13]

Oh last time I saw him we just looked into each others eyes for ages cus last time I was teasing him that he couldn’t keep eye contact with me (I was drunk so overly confident) and he just stared into my eyes for ages teasing me on how I couldn’t keep eye contact

[ohsheeT]

And that's it he didn't ask you out

[ohsheeT]

Ok ok I went back to ye our question and read it again. Whatever you do.. be careful if he drinks all the time.. that's no life for You to be a part of I can feel your energy and you have to much going for you to jump in with a guy like him I'm pretty sure he would hurt your feelings your heart I'm mean every good thing about you

[allie13]

Nah he doesn’t drink A lot he usally tells me to chill with the drinking cus im a bartender 🤷‍♀️

[PaleDale]

If he won't commit it'll be hard to be happy in the long run, my advice is do yourself a favor and find someone who's looking for something serious.

[allie13]

That’s why I’m thinking of ending it but I don't know how

[PaleDale]

I'd just tell him that you're looking for something else and it's not his fault (let him down easy). Not your fault he doesn't like you enough to want a serious relationship.

[allie13]

Thanks

[PaleDale]

Good luck 🤞

[Shiprex]

Probably tell him the truth IF you want to try and pursue this. He may want it too BUT that's a risk you should take. This way you get it out in the open rather than ruminating and stressing.

[Anonymous]

You best go all in at this point, or you will lose him.

[allie13]

What do you mean all in

[Opinion Owner]

You might as well get serious, or he will find another woman to replace you.

[allie13]

He’s the one who wanted it unserious i promised him I wouldn’t be a problem and I keep my promises

[Opinion Owner]

Men are never telling you the truth when they say nothing serious. You are going to watch him disappear if you don't become exclusive and form a serious relationship.

[allie13]

What so tell him I want more

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, if you want to keep him.

[allie13]

Will do then thanks

[Opinion Owner]

You are most welcome.

[nicfire171]

Just be honest. I was in a similar situation before and I didn’t tell her my true feelings until it was too late.

[jahaims]

Thats why you shouldn't have situationships. They are immature and pointless

[Wayneg89]

Be honest with him. He might be feeling the same way. And if not just move on.

[jazzy34]

Don’t talk to him for a while or ever again.