Am I in the wrong for being attracted to a guy that’s 10 years older than me?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I’m an 18 year old female that’s about to graduate from high school in two months and there’s this guy that’s a substitute teacher at my school and at first it was just a tiny attraction towards him, (started when I first saw him when I was a junior, which is natural I guess), but now I’m pretty sure I’m starting to develop feelings towards him. We’ve never spoken to each other, he has subbed for a few of my classes and he always looks at me every time he sees me, wether it’s in the hallway or a classroom, and quickly looks away when I’m looking back in his direction. (We accidentally make eye contact with each other and we both quickly look away, but he just stares right back at me regardless of us both being nervous around one another sometimes I can just sense him looking at me) Once in the hallway during a class transition, he kind of brushed against my shoulder even, (we passed each other on opposite sides of the hallway + there was literally no one else around so I know he did that on purpose, maybe to be/get closer to me?). It did not make me uncomfortable at all in anyway because like I said, I find him attractive, and judging by his actions I’m ALMOST sure that the attraction is reciprocal/mutual.

We’re at two different stages in our lives and I just feel kind of weird for wanting to pursue him

I know that I’m not a minor/underage + I’ll be out of school very soon, but I feel like I should just stop thinking about this and forget about what is going on between me and this man. He’s introverted, which is my type, but still 10 years is a big gap. But we can’t keep our eyes off of each other and I can’t stop thinking about him.

I’ve never even thought about being with an older guy until him, I’ve never experienced anything like this and I need lots of advice, thanks for reading!

[Summeroflove]

Well even though you’re legally a adult in most states as well as countries it’s illegal for a teacher or any staffer of a educational facility K-12 to have sexual contact with a student regardless of if the student is a adult or not. Even if there is no sexual contact it would still be highly questionable as well as looked down upon, so wait until you graduate and see if you still have feelings for this man.

It could be as simple as wanting someone you can’t have the allure of that maybe not so much genuine attraction. If it feels weird to you that probably means it is weird especially with the power dynamic at play. If you’re noticing suspicious behavior then please make a report because a teacher shouldn’t be pursuing underage minors but accidentally making eye contact could be innocent enough.

If he wasn’t your teacher I don’t know if it would be as huge of a deal but some age gap relationships are questionable to me as it seems some people are wanting more of a power dynamic then a genuine connection and on the other side of things someone’s wanting to use someone for money since someone whose older may be more financially stable.

[Shiprex]

As a professional in a position of responsibility over you he'd be in hot water should anything be suggested between you two. Unwise to take this further.

Is it wrong or bad that you have this infatuation? No it's normal. It's something male teachers are warned about before going into the profession (at least it was 30 years ago) to be very careful around young women and girls who "feel" mature enough to engage in romantic relationships but are far from actually being there.

Bide your time and maybe if fate does bring you together you can try again at a more appropriate stage in life.

[Valdemort]

The age gap isn't really the issue.
How you associate with him is, though.

[denzooo9]

girlyyyy maybe approach him when you’re out of schoolll🫶🫶

[Avicenna]

Bad idea. He still can't date a HS student, even if she is 18. If he's willing to, he's someone you don't want to date.

[Joshydavid25]

Not really wrong.. If you were a few years older, it probably wouldn't be a problem, but you're still in high school which is like dating a kid basically.. You two are technically 2 consenting adults, but it wouldn't look good for him to date a girl not just yet outta high school..

[Asker]

This is EXACTLY what I’m thinking. It’s a tough situation unfortunately. Time is pretty much the only thing controlling this situation now I guess.

[Joshydavid25]

Yeah, you'll probably just have to wait til you graduate at least if you really wanna start anything..

[LiamS95]

As far as the age gap goes there's nothing wrong or unusual about it I had an Aunt and uncle and dhe was 12 years older then him andvthey hot along fine and were married for many years. The only slight stigma is that you haven't graduated from high school yet which would make it a bit awkward for him at times even thou technically you're both consenting aged adults. Feel free to follow me if you'd like someone to talk to from time to time about it privately.

[BarryLiverstone]

I was curious how did you find out his age? Sounds like you have a crush on him. As you said you are not a minor but he knew you as a student and as a minor. How often do you see him as he’s a sub

[Asker]

Hi, I found out his age from doing a small Google search on him, he went to the school I go to/he subs at. He graduated in 2015 so of course I did the math lol, I’m unfortunately an over thinker. For your second question, the first time he was my sub was in 11th grade, I was 17, that’s when the mutual eye contact started but of course I never thought of him that way then, and since he was a sub of course I said to myself, “he’s most likely over the age of 21, and most likely has finished college and is a grown man.” So never thought of him that way then and never looked into him until this year. My attraction has gotten stronger, and like I said, I think it’s mutual. But if you’re looking for an exact number I’d say he was my sub maybe 3 times, but let’s not forget the hallway interaction and eye contact because we see each other everyday in the halls. Sorry for the paragraph.

[Staximus]

Wait until you graduate if you want to pursue him or spend any time with him, he'll get fired and possibly never work as a teacher again if you don't

[Staximus]

Your feelings are normal

[Staximus]

Don't get your hopes up because you don't even know the guy, you just like the way he looks. He might be a total idiot or a total dick, so don't let yourself get crushes on people you don't even know yet

[Asker]

Hi, I was thinking the same thing. Plus I would never want to put his job at risk, or someone else’s. If I still feel this way about him after that, I would want to pursue. So only time will tell I guess. Thank you for your help.

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

Would it be wrong if a 28yr old was asking to see if he can date a 18yr old? Remember that emt dude bro was labeled a pedo and was shamed relentlessly by the women of gag

[Ironic_Method]

Nah, it's common enough. I've dated significantly older and younger and it's been great, just be careful of ulterior motives.

[Drumlin2001]

He's a teacher, leave him alone, anything between you makes his professional life difficult

[alice55]

usually it's not wrong but you're too young

[Cyrus000]

No you're not. It's biological.

[In_Trance]

if you're ok with it, it's ok

[Fury_storm]

this is normal. I say go for it.