Can a guy be into two girls at one time?

[Anonymous]

Can this even happen? How likely it is? Can a guy like two girls at the same time?

[SteveSmith1985]

Sure a guy can. Just like a girl can. I haven't been in that position myself for a very very long time. But I have experienced it. I do believe it can genuinely happen. Those feelings can be genuine and real for both people.

The problem comes when the rubber meets the road. Neither you, nor this other girl deserve to be "one of two" special women in this guys life. (I'm a monogamist. others will see this differently).

Nobody is content with this state of affairs for long. Nor should you be. Usually, one of the two people (usually the one most confident they'll be chosen) forces a decision. Which... I think is just fine.

It depends, (as always) on exactly what the relationship is between you and him, and her and you, and you and him and all that good stuff.

But yes, it is definitely possible. But it's a precarious place you don't want to stay for very long. It's what is sometimes known as a "love triangle" If I'm not mistaken (maybe I am mistaken about that term applying here... well... I'm leaving it in anyway)

🙂

[Asker]

Hi, thanks so much for this. That’s good to know. When you say the most confident one? Why would that personality type be chosen? Or is it they get fed up and what a decision made?

I feel like the relationship between me and him (we are coworkers) so it’s a bit more precarious but we have an intense attraction. I think he finds me very attractive, but I also have children from a previous marriage, which I guess could not be seen as favourable. He’s recently divorced with no kids.

The other girl is young, maybe more plain Jane but impressionable. They have sports in common etc. I don’t know her, only of her. I feel he could pick her for the long term because she also comes without baggage. She’s never been married or has children.

[SteveSmith1985]

By most confident one I meant the one most confident she'd be chosen if she forced the decision. Or indeed one of them gets fed up first... and wants a decision even if its not in her favor (so I guess that's a personality type)

It really depends on the nature of the relationship and connection each of you has with this guy. That is what is going to be most critical. It's how he feels about each of you, and what he wants.

It also depends on what he's looking for. If he's recently divorced, he might be looking for something not-as serious. Or maybe he's absolutely looking for something serious. Do you have any idea?

I don't think it's going to come down to him giving her an advantage for being younger and not having kids. Not as a general rule by default it depends. I can think of three situations where those might be advantageous to her.

1. Lets say he's always wanted kids, but has strong feelings against step-kids (some dudes are weird about that, most aren't).

2. Let's say he doesn't want kids at all?

3. Let's say he just wants some nothing serious not looking longer term relationship?

Those are the only situations where I would say you're at a disadvantage ON PAPER (which is not really how most guys choose who they fall for)

But who knows.

Maybe he's all about wanting to find a good woman and he has no issue with stepkids. Then you're the obvious choice (on paper).

It comes down to a combination of what he's looking for, but mostly... how he feels about each of you respectively.

Do you know for a fact that he likes this other girl? It sounds like you might be near the beginning of getting closer to this guy? (maybe not, please correct me). Like it's just the beginning of flirtations and intense moments?

[SteveSmith1985]

Is the relationship similarly far-along with the other girl? (is it his tennis buddy he's played with for years, or is a girl he is about as close to as he is with you?

I mean it's possible for it to go on indefinitely... it;s just usually either things heat up with one or the other, making the decision an easy one. Or somebody decides not to continue being one of two.

However, when I originally wrote this, I was thinking of say, three people who all work together.

Yours is hard because... how do you have any idea how things are with the other girl? you can't know. SO you can only do whatever you can do, to try and get close to this guy, or get to know him better, or spend more time with him, or something or other, so that he focuses on you as opposed to her. And there's only so much you can do. A lot of it is out of your hands unfortunately.

[Asker]

Thanks for this, it’s super helpful. I think he met the other girl a few months before me (they are in a run club together) and I’ve known him for 5 months now through work, yes it is more flirtations and intense moments with me. It was very instant attention with him early on.

I’m not sure if it is the same with her though, as you say I don’t really know, as I don’t know her. Just from what I’ve heard on the grapevine. He never mentions her to me and he does flirt with me still, even though she is on the scene. I am a bit confused as to why he’d bother. We aren’t friends before, so I can’t even say it’s him being friendly. He’s just very flirtatious at times and gets close physically. He obviously knows I like him though. I found out about her only the other week though, so I initially had no idea.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well, this other girl might not even be someone you need to worry about.

If you've worked together for 5 months, weren't ever really friends, but now he's very flirtatious... and he knows you like him too... that does seem to suggest he's interested in you. How long ago did he become flirty?

He definitely seems interested, if I were you I wouldn't even worry about the other girl (unless you hear of some reason to worry about her). Just proceed as though this other girl didn't exist. If you can nudge things forward between you two (anything from the way you flirt, to making a point to find yourself opportunities to have little interactions with him anything).

The sooner you move things along, the better in terms of winning out over the other girl. But I don't know... if she's even really contending. Are you sure he likes her all that much?

I think that the sooner you can find out whether he's even looking for the same thing you are the better. I get the sense that you're looking for something serious. It would be ideal, if you could find out if that's what he's looking for as well. It's the recently divorced part that makes me worry it's possible he's not. But that;s me making a huge assumption.

I don't see how you're going to be able to feel him out about that, until you find yourself on a date. If he's not looking to settle down again or whatever, then the sooner you can find that out, the better.

So I would just keep up (even step up) the flirting. See if you can move things towards somebody asking somebody out for a date. It doesn't sound like you're all that far away from that point. What do you think?

[Asker]

Ok great thank you. He started to become flirty back in December, but it seems like the last month he’s stepped it up.

Ok will do, I’ll do what I can and see I guess.

No I’m not really sure how much he likes her, it’s just what I’ve heard from a mutual friend.

You could be right about him not wanting anything serious after his divorce though. Yes I would be looking for the opposite, more long term,

Thanks so much, yes hopefully it works out.

[SteveSmith1985]

Good luck!

[Asker]

Thank you 😊

[SteveSmith1985]

anytime. Let me know how it works out (if you want. no obligation. that would be absurd)

[ohsheeT]

He like like 5 at one time. You just have to be you and you either except it. Or you say no thank you, I'm not into this. . Because a guy either likes you or not No game no lies. And that's it , no other drama...

[Anonymous]

In simple terms, no. It may APPEAR that he's into both. But in REALITY he's into neither.

[Asker]

Yeah ok, if neither what do you reckon the reason could be?

[Opinion Owner]

One of two things. He's playing them off eachother because he's undecided. Or that's simply his m. o.. That he's just a narcissist that enjoys the attention of many women.

[andreasderjuengere]

Make that three.

Yes.

[guyinterested]

Oh yeah, one real life and one or two online...

[jahaims]

Only sexually. Not romantically

[Anonymous]

Absolutely

[Asker]

How does he pick between the two?

[Opinion Owner]

He may just alternate or one is long distance

[scott04sa22]

Yes, it's possible

[Anonymous]

Yes it can be

[Cyrus000]

It can happen