Dating

Confused about Hard Separation after mixed signals?

I’m trying to make sense of something that’s left me feeling a bit confused. I was seeing someone casually for a couple of months. He was upfront that he didn’t have strong feelings and wouldn’t be my boyfriend, but we got emotionally and physically close — I visited him abroad, met his friends, and spoke quite a bit on the phone even after he left.

When I visited him, I had a small breakdown on our first night (too much alcohol), and wasn't the nicest to his friend. The next morning, he told me I couldn't stay with him anymore. In the end, he asked if I had feelings for him, I told him yes and didn't tell him initially due to the fear of being abandoned.

He emphasised again “I don’t have strong feelings,” told me to “forget the last two months,” and that we needed a hard separation for months. I also made the grave error of speaking to his mutual friends about him at a party 2 weeks before the trip. Stupidly, I spoke for hours because I was so scared and confused about our relationship. Dumb move I know, but I was heavily influenced by alcohol. He found out obviously, and said he found this behaviour clingy, obsessive and he lost his attraction to me. I apologised to him for my behaviour, for making his friend feel uncomfortable which he accepted and all.

I asked if I was just a lay, and he said no we had a lovely time, and lovely conversations. He didn’t block me, and the goodbye was surprisingly gentle. It’s now been 17 days, and I’ve respected that space, but I'm left wondering what this “hard separation” actually means in this context. And he said we can maybe get a drink one day. I still would like to reconnect and thinking of reaching maybe late may or something to test the waters.

So brutal truth please on the situation, and what would you do.

Confused about Hard Separation after mixed signals?
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