Umm, I prefer to just be friends first and then slowly if there's something there and we mesh so well together become more than friends and then I just say let's go do something. I guess it's kinda hanging out, but depending on where we go might require dressing up or whatnot. It's kinda both a date and hanging out. I HATE typical dating. It's just a terrible way to get a person's true personality and seeing how great you match because both are trying to sell themselves rather than being who they are and just letting things happen naturally.
Sounds like you just want to be pampered or so. Seriously, all that is "guy does the work" -_- Sure getting sick of being expected to do all the work.
Have you read my comments below? I doubt it from this answer... I never said the guy had to pay, or anything. I said he came to my door, he opened my car door for me, he was RESPECTFUL. I would gladly pay for the date if the guy was like this. I always offer to pay regardless of who I'm with or what I'm doing. You apparently don't know what I'm talking about though.
Why can't the woman get the door, come to his door, etc? You're still forcing a gender role on us and, iirc, the feminist movement was about eliminating the expectation that HE has to do that for YOU because of the gender. if he wants to for his own interest, no big deal.
My problem is the ENTIRE dating process guys are expected to do a lot, especially in the starting phases. Imo, that shouldn't be expected. And that might sound weird from me considering I like doing stuff for a woman I love.
If I'm ever asked out on a date I'll go open the guys door and tell you how it goes,; I've talked to guys before and they said they would just find it REALLY weird. I don't expect it, I just appreciate it.
Guys find it weird still because society still has that slight expectation of guys doing such and women not. I personally don't care who. And if you don't expect it, great. But it didn't come off that way originally.
No, everyone just read into it more than what was intended. It was simply a questions as to why guys don't do it. I don't ever add a deeper meaning or anything to things, I'm blunt and straightforward.
I voted B but this is a very rare occurrence saved for special occasions. I am with a girl I really like and have taken her on a couple dates like this but the reason they are so rare is because they get boring. Neither of us are into old stereotypes where the man takes the women out where he pays and takes care of everything. Its unfair. I'd rather do hanging out kind of things that are exciting like I have taken her rock climbing, we have gone on a bike ride, sailing, and to a 30 foot telescope at a nearby university. "real dates" are also expensive and neither of us has much money.
My boyfriend was pretty smooth about it, so he would pick me up and take me to dinner, but to avoid me feeling like he's moving too fast, as psychedeliczebra said, he acted like it was no big by telling me the only reason he really wanted to go to a restaurant was that he had a gift card. lol.
But we actually went out before that, now that I think about it. He asked me to ihop lol. I told him I didn't have any money and he was like that's cool, I got it or something. But flowers didn't come in and the word "date" until later. We can't even agree on an anniversary date because he says I was his girlfriend like weeks before I THOUGHT I had become his girlfriend.
They were real dates, he was just smooth enough to fool me into thinking we were just hanging out lol
I agree with girlsareconfusing. And just to append, not only is doing this an expensive and futile strategy, there are wider reasons for avoiding this. Namely, the purpose of a date should be to get to know a person; I strongly believe every good relationship is based on friendship, therefore it's beneficial to take the formality out of dating, and 'have a laugh', if you will. This is sort of like wearing a tuxedo for the opera. It becomes too much of a show, and detracts from the substance, ie the music.
I might be the only girl who agrees with you but I totally agree with this. I want to get to know him and that is hard on a 'real date'. I like to do that later when we feel comfortable with each other and both agree that we want take things further.
I definitely agree. I've been on dates like this but rarely and not since high school. Its sad honestly. I think that girls who give it up easily without the guy actually working for their attention/feelings are the main contributors to killing the proper dating scene. Nowadays guys want to take you to parties or only take you out to dinner if its your birthday. I rather go to parties with my girls than with a guy who isn't going to put much effort into it. But also there's fortunately still guys out there who believe in this. I have guy friends who plan cute dates for girls they like, they're just pretty rare to come by.
lol if you do all of that stuff I guarantee you, you won't talk to him next day, because you will think he is clingy or desperate or something like that.
Best answer. If you declare your interest in such an overt manner, the woman thinks she can have you and you lose your mystery, thus she moves on. Women have turned us into such bastards.
First off, I never said it had to be the first time you guys really hung out and everything, I'm just talking about a date in general. Secondly, there's a difference between sharing your entire life story on the first date and being chivalrous. Oh and thirdly, you're quite the person to assume all girls are like that.
people will treat you the way you let them. If guys are too lazy to take you on a proper and don't feel you're "worth the trouble" because they can just "sleep with you tomorrow" after hanging out at McDonald's then that's your call ladies. YOU set the standard.
I know when I start dating I will have expectations and I won't break or bend them. In my opinion most guys aren't worth pursing a relationship with or even talking to for that matter. Guys, you can't woo me with a freaking coffee and think I'll drop my pants for you. F*** all the losers here who think like this. If it were up to me you guys would be single the rest of your freaking lives.
For some people, the word "date" invokes a lot of pressure: pressure to be charming, pressure to be attractive, pressure to succeed. But since most of us want to have FUN when we go out, we need a way to dial down the pressure, so we hang out. Some have outgrown dating altogether because we don't like pressure, or pressuring others.
Hanging out gives us a chance to talk, to enjoy each other, to decide whether we'll spend more time together, before tightening the screws.
You mean the old school way of dinner and a movie? Opening the door for her, making her feel special. That's me. There's still guys out there who are gentleman. But sometimes it depends on the girls. This generation of dating is not the same as back in the day. Sometimes you just hang out with the girl first and not calling it a date a first.
See I'm okay with that. I think that's understandable; it lets you tell if you actually WANT to spend more time with the person. I actually think that would be great! Thank you for being one of those that's still a gentlemen :)
somewhere down the line, men forgot to teach young men how to date properly, and as that happened most girls'' expectations for a "real date" declined as well. not saying they all have to be stereotypical like the one you described, but I think guys have open for "hanging out" because it's easier, less scary, etc.
just a guess.
that being said, I have never dated before so take my answer with a grain of salt.
yep, steve harvey wrote the book "think like a man, act like lady" and in it he admits that men make up excuses for why they treat women badly even though they know THEY are in the wrong. They do it so that women will lower their standards and have sex with any loser who gives them the time of day. It's worked for the most part as guys here and in rl say women make it "too easy" and they don't even have to try. That's the fault of women unfortunately. You deserve respect so don't settle for crap
And unfortunately, we live in a society that almost encourages women to settle. How many romantic comedies are about that "misunderstood" jerk who just needed some TLC? Aww, look, he really IS a sweetheart! *gag* Newsflash, most guys aren't full of THAT much grey area. But too many women think there are underlying reasons why a guy treats her like crap. No...he treats you like crap because you let him.
Ugh, I've had to ditch a few of those. Freaking losers. And really, I know we've all been guilty of tolerating too much at some point, but you gotta draw the line somewhere. Don't allow yourself to be treated as a convenience or a piece of ass. Simple as that. And if you pay attention, instead of filling your head swith delusions, it'll be really obvious. And that goes for both genders.
^^^ NOT true. A guy just took out one of my best friends, opened her door, went to her door, took her out star gazing after, she's fallen for him after the little bit of time they've known each other. Why? Because he was a gentlemen.
Every time I try and have a "real date" The girl looks at me like I'm speaking another language. All those things you mentioned now have negative connotations like, this guys is a creep, he's moving to fast, he to much of a nice guy, he just wants to get in my pants, etc. We feel like we can't win, so we just avoid them now and keep things low key.
I've gone on two in the past, two months(ish). The first guy, no thank you. It was so awkward and I wanted it to end. The second guy, we planned the date in a matter of thirty minutes. First time we'd ever hung out in any way, and it was AMAZING. We have another date tonight actually. It's all about finding the girl that works for you, ya know?
"real dates" are bad luck for me. I went out on a dinner date and we crashed and burned two months later. I had another boyfriend who took me out on dates all the time and it was the most horrendous break up of my life. My current boyfriend stated that he's never going to do that "dinner and a movie sh*t" and it's the longest, best relationship I've ever been in.
we watch movies at home, have sex, hang out with our friends, have dinner with each others' parents, go to concerts, hot box my bathroom, listen to old records. And apparently we're gonna go camping. We also love to cook together. It's basically the cheesy saying "friendship on fire"
Real dates are the way to go. When I was dating the one whom I since married, it was always my treat, I always tried to impress, and all those stereotypical guy type things. Although of course (?) I didn't try to get her in bed until she showed interest.
As for opening the bus door for her, well, that's beyond my control.
I wish I had a car but I'm on a fixed income and it's not in the budget. I wish it were otherwise.
Now that I think about it, I honestly don't think I've ever been on a "real" date... even though I'm only 18, still... its kinda sad haha. Whenever I go out with a guy, its to the movies, or hanging out with mutual friends, or partying, I've never really gone to dinner and a movie with a guy.
Well,as many guys as I've gone out with,only one was a real date..he picked me up,took me to dinner. Of course,I told him days later that it wouldn't work out. Nice guy,great personality,but I wasn't attracted to him.
Almost had a big date 2wks. ago,but I blew it without meaning to:(
I've had a "real" date if that's how you want to put it. I'd much rather take my own vehicle so I can leave if I need, and if I so desire.. I also don't want people I don't know well to know where I live, so that's another perk. Flowers are cliche, and I don't dig them myself. The other stuff sounds like a typical date to me.
i hardly get free time from work, I always treat a girl to a night out.it should always be done in my opinion. I even take my friends out even when there broke to go-go cart racing or play baseball. a chance to spend with friends to have fun or spend some time with a girl should be taken seriouse in my case.
I think some guys/girls are like "I'll see how it goes " because they aren't really feel anything at that time, or they aren't there emotionally so they don't realize you need to take care of a girl, because she will take care of you.
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Umm, I prefer to just be friends first and then slowly if there's something there and we mesh so well together become more than friends and then I just say let's go do something. I guess it's kinda hanging out, but depending on where we go might require dressing up or whatnot. It's kinda both a date and hanging out. I HATE typical dating. It's just a terrible way to get a person's true personality and seeing how great you match because both are trying to sell themselves rather than being who they are and just letting things happen naturally.
Sounds like you just want to be pampered or so. Seriously, all that is "guy does the work" -_- Sure getting sick of being expected to do all the work.
Have you read my comments below? I doubt it from this answer... I never said the guy had to pay, or anything. I said he came to my door, he opened my car door for me, he was RESPECTFUL. I would gladly pay for the date if the guy was like this. I always offer to pay regardless of who I'm with or what I'm doing. You apparently don't know what I'm talking about though.
Why can't the woman get the door, come to his door, etc? You're still forcing a gender role on us and, iirc, the feminist movement was about eliminating the expectation that HE has to do that for YOU because of the gender. if he wants to for his own interest, no big deal.
My problem is the ENTIRE dating process guys are expected to do a lot, especially in the starting phases. Imo, that shouldn't be expected. And that might sound weird from me considering I like doing stuff for a woman I love.
If I'm ever asked out on a date I'll go open the guys door and tell you how it goes,; I've talked to guys before and they said they would just find it REALLY weird. I don't expect it, I just appreciate it.
Guys find it weird still because society still has that slight expectation of guys doing such and women not. I personally don't care who. And if you don't expect it, great. But it didn't come off that way originally.
No, everyone just read into it more than what was intended. It was simply a questions as to why guys don't do it. I don't ever add a deeper meaning or anything to things, I'm blunt and straightforward.
I voted B but this is a very rare occurrence saved for special occasions. I am with a girl I really like and have taken her on a couple dates like this but the reason they are so rare is because they get boring. Neither of us are into old stereotypes where the man takes the women out where he pays and takes care of everything. Its unfair. I'd rather do hanging out kind of things that are exciting like I have taken her rock climbing, we have gone on a bike ride, sailing, and to a 30 foot telescope at a nearby university. "real dates" are also expensive and neither of us has much money.
My boyfriend was pretty smooth about it, so he would pick me up and take me to dinner, but to avoid me feeling like he's moving too fast, as psychedeliczebra said, he acted like it was no big by telling me the only reason he really wanted to go to a restaurant was that he had a gift card. lol.
But we actually went out before that, now that I think about it. He asked me to ihop lol. I told him I didn't have any money and he was like that's cool, I got it or something. But flowers didn't come in and the word "date" until later. We can't even agree on an anniversary date because he says I was his girlfriend like weeks before I THOUGHT I had become his girlfriend.
They were real dates, he was just smooth enough to fool me into thinking we were just hanging out lol
I agree with girlsareconfusing. And just to append, not only is doing this an expensive and futile strategy, there are wider reasons for avoiding this. Namely, the purpose of a date should be to get to know a person; I strongly believe every good relationship is based on friendship, therefore it's beneficial to take the formality out of dating, and 'have a laugh', if you will. This is sort of like wearing a tuxedo for the opera. It becomes too much of a show, and detracts from the substance, ie the music.
I might be the only girl who agrees with you but I totally agree with this. I want to get to know him and that is hard on a 'real date'. I like to do that later when we feel comfortable with each other and both agree that we want take things further.
I definitely agree. I've been on dates like this but rarely and not since high school. Its sad honestly. I think that girls who give it up easily without the guy actually working for their attention/feelings are the main contributors to killing the proper dating scene. Nowadays guys want to take you to parties or only take you out to dinner if its your birthday. I rather go to parties with my girls than with a guy who isn't going to put much effort into it. But also there's fortunately still guys out there who believe in this. I have guy friends who plan cute dates for girls they like, they're just pretty rare to come by.
lol if you do all of that stuff I guarantee you, you won't talk to him next day, because you will think he is clingy or desperate or something like that.
Best answer. If you declare your interest in such an overt manner, the woman thinks she can have you and you lose your mystery, thus she moves on. Women have turned us into such bastards.
Another Best answer!
I agree with this answer.
First off, I never said it had to be the first time you guys really hung out and everything, I'm just talking about a date in general. Secondly, there's a difference between sharing your entire life story on the first date and being chivalrous. Oh and thirdly, you're quite the person to assume all girls are like that.
no I am saying this based on what you wrote, I would do that only if we were like in a 5th date though.
That's understandable, I'm talking about taking a girl out in this sense at all. So it's nice that you would.
people will treat you the way you let them. If guys are too lazy to take you on a proper and don't feel you're "worth the trouble" because they can just "sleep with you tomorrow" after hanging out at McDonald's then that's your call ladies. YOU set the standard.
I know when I start dating I will have expectations and I won't break or bend them. In my opinion most guys aren't worth pursing a relationship with or even talking to for that matter. Guys, you can't woo me with a freaking coffee and think I'll drop my pants for you. F*** all the losers here who think like this. If it were up to me you guys would be single the rest of your freaking lives.
lmao I guess you didn't like my answer then
I won't even have to woo you with a coffee to drop your pants for me all itl take is a little wink ;)
> F*** all the losers here who think like this. If it were up to me you guys would be single the rest of your freaking lives.
That's rather hostile. It seems a bit excessive to wish such misery upon those who merely have different ideas about courtship than you.
What I'm trying to say is, you sound like a bitch.
For some people, the word "date" invokes a lot of pressure: pressure to be charming, pressure to be attractive, pressure to succeed. But since most of us want to have FUN when we go out, we need a way to dial down the pressure, so we hang out. Some have outgrown dating altogether because we don't like pressure, or pressuring others.
Hanging out gives us a chance to talk, to enjoy each other, to decide whether we'll spend more time together, before tightening the screws.
You mean the old school way of dinner and a movie? Opening the door for her, making her feel special. That's me. There's still guys out there who are gentleman. But sometimes it depends on the girls. This generation of dating is not the same as back in the day. Sometimes you just hang out with the girl first and not calling it a date a first.
See I'm okay with that. I think that's understandable; it lets you tell if you actually WANT to spend more time with the person. I actually think that would be great! Thank you for being one of those that's still a gentlemen :)
somewhere down the line, men forgot to teach young men how to date properly, and as that happened most girls'' expectations for a "real date" declined as well. not saying they all have to be stereotypical like the one you described, but I think guys have open for "hanging out" because it's easier, less scary, etc.
just a guess.
that being said, I have never dated before so take my answer with a grain of salt.
Well thank you for the answer :) I definitely agree with this a lot!
I would absolutely love it if a guy took me on a date like this.
Cut the bullsh*t excuses about equality. Guys are just too damn lazy these days. I think we all know this too.
Agreed!
yep, steve harvey wrote the book "think like a man, act like lady" and in it he admits that men make up excuses for why they treat women badly even though they know THEY are in the wrong. They do it so that women will lower their standards and have sex with any loser who gives them the time of day. It's worked for the most part as guys here and in rl say women make it "too easy" and they don't even have to try. That's the fault of women unfortunately. You deserve respect so don't settle for crap
And unfortunately, we live in a society that almost encourages women to settle. How many romantic comedies are about that "misunderstood" jerk who just needed some TLC? Aww, look, he really IS a sweetheart! *gag* Newsflash, most guys aren't full of THAT much grey area. But too many women think there are underlying reasons why a guy treats her like crap. No...he treats you like crap because you let him.
Yep.
Recently had to tell a guy "see ya later" because I wasn't going to accept being treated like just a girl to text whenever I feel like it
Ugh, I've had to ditch a few of those. Freaking losers. And really, I know we've all been guilty of tolerating too much at some point, but you gotta draw the line somewhere. Don't allow yourself to be treated as a convenience or a piece of ass. Simple as that. And if you pay attention, instead of filling your head swith delusions, it'll be really obvious. And that goes for both genders.
I love everyone's comments here! :) It's sad but so true that women tend to just settle. It makes those of us that refuse to, to just wait and deal.
Dating as described is something that people with good jobs do, not students.
^^^ NOT true. A guy just took out one of my best friends, opened her door, went to her door, took her out star gazing after, she's fallen for him after the little bit of time they've known each other. Why? Because he was a gentlemen.
> Guys are just too damn lazy these days.
Cute. If a guy were to make a similar remark about women, he would be accused of misogyny. But I guess sexism is okay when a woman does it?
Every time I try and have a "real date" The girl looks at me like I'm speaking another language. All those things you mentioned now have negative connotations like, this guys is a creep, he's moving to fast, he to much of a nice guy, he just wants to get in my pants, etc. We feel like we can't win, so we just avoid them now and keep things low key.
I've gone on two in the past, two months(ish). The first guy, no thank you. It was so awkward and I wanted it to end. The second guy, we planned the date in a matter of thirty minutes. First time we'd ever hung out in any way, and it was AMAZING. We have another date tonight actually. It's all about finding the girl that works for you, ya know?
"real dates" are bad luck for me. I went out on a dinner date and we crashed and burned two months later. I had another boyfriend who took me out on dates all the time and it was the most horrendous break up of my life. My current boyfriend stated that he's never going to do that "dinner and a movie sh*t" and it's the longest, best relationship I've ever been in.
See it's different for everyone! I'm glad it's working out though! :)
"My current boyfriend stated that he's never going to do that "dinner and a movie sh*t" and it's the longest, best relationship I've ever been in."
So what do you two do when you get together? Watch t.v.?
we watch movies at home, have sex, hang out with our friends, have dinner with each others' parents, go to concerts, hot box my bathroom, listen to old records. And apparently we're gonna go camping. We also love to cook together. It's basically the cheesy saying "friendship on fire"
Real dates are the way to go. When I was dating the one whom I since married, it was always my treat, I always tried to impress, and all those stereotypical guy type things. Although of course (?) I didn't try to get her in bed until she showed interest.
As for opening the bus door for her, well, that's beyond my control.
I wish I had a car but I'm on a fixed income and it's not in the budget. I wish it were otherwise.
Well still, that's sweet! I would go to a date on the bus. Who cares, it's the person that matters nott he objects in which they have!
Now that I think about it, I honestly don't think I've ever been on a "real" date... even though I'm only 18, still... its kinda sad haha. Whenever I go out with a guy, its to the movies, or hanging out with mutual friends, or partying, I've never really gone to dinner and a movie with a guy.
That's where I'm at. Haha. I mean I don't really mind too much, it just makes you wonder!
Well,as many guys as I've gone out with,only one was a real date..he picked me up,took me to dinner. Of course,I told him days later that it wouldn't work out. Nice guy,great personality,but I wasn't attracted to him.
Almost had a big date 2wks. ago,but I blew it without meaning to:(
"Nice guy,great personality,but I wasn't attracted to him."
Well if you weren't attracted to him, then why did you agree to go on a date with him?
Every single story that I have heard of recently of a guy taking a girl on a real first date did not continue with a second date.
If a guy is doing something that is not special, girls shrug the guy off. Basically, women are TRAINING MEN to not take them on real dates.
I've had a "real" date if that's how you want to put it. I'd much rather take my own vehicle so I can leave if I need, and if I so desire.. I also don't want people I don't know well to know where I live, so that's another perk. Flowers are cliche, and I don't dig them myself. The other stuff sounds like a typical date to me.
i hardly get free time from work, I always treat a girl to a night out.it should always be done in my opinion. I even take my friends out even when there broke to go-go cart racing or play baseball. a chance to spend with friends to have fun or spend some time with a girl should be taken seriouse in my case.
I would if that girl give me the chance.
I think some guys/girls are like "I'll see how it goes " because they aren't really feel anything at that time, or they aren't there emotionally so they don't realize you need to take care of a girl, because she will take care of you.