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I'm working on it, she just won't let me! All she'll do with me is 'grab lunch'. I don't get it at all.
Not all girls like it... But a lot of us do.
-Girls like a challenge.
-A guy who takes you out on the first date isn't a challenge.*
-Guys don't take girls out on the first date.
*Unless that's something he does with every girl 'cuz he's just got it like that. lol.
I'd like to see girls' responses to this.
To be honest, we like that "first date". It's something we want to remember if we really like the guy. :)
Actually, after thinking about it, I would agree and say that it's true that girls like a "challenge", but girls also like decisive guys who are confident and take the lead and have direction.
A guy asking a girl to "hang out" probably comes across as though the guy doesn't really know what he wants (does he want a relationship with the girl or not?), or is too scared to ask for what he wants (ask a girl out on a date).
So, since a girl wants a guy to both be a challenge and to take the lead, what's a guy to do? I think the answer is to balance the two.
-Take the lead and ask her out on a formal date
-But be a challenge in that you're not throwing yourself at her and maybe be sparing with the compliments so she doesn't quite know where she stands with you. Too many communicate their interest verbally, when the key is to communicate your interest nonverbally - by asking her out on more dates
Ladies, your thoughts?
Agree with you rocksongwriter, we want you to take the lead in asking us out, but(as I think it is for any person-because it keeps things interesting) we want the challenge. Don't tell us straight up that you're having a good time, but show it. If you go out to a club, enjoy being goofy with her or just show that you're enjoying dancing, but doing so. Smile, laugh, listen. I mean the same goes for us too, we have to express to you that we like being on the date. :)
^^^ She said it perfectly! You're right rocksongwriter, we want the "first date," to see what happens and how he acts, it's something thrilling and exciting. We remember that forever if it's a guy we really like.
MWalsh89, your comment is dead on, but exactly why guys DON'T do it, and why most dating advice from women is not helpful for men.
"If we really like the guy" ...
The challenge most people (male and female really) when first dating is not, given that the other person really wants them, how best to delight them, but rather to generate attraction.
A guy buying flowers and going all out is what will make a woman most happy _if she already really wants him_.
^Right, kheserthorpe. Not only must she like the guy for actions like buying flowers to work, but if he keeps doing things like buy her flowers, then she will actually lose interest in the guy over time.
Perhaps part of that ties in with the fact that women are looking to relate to a guy, and a guy that's buying flowers and complimenting her all the time might seem kinda fake and hard to relate to - in addition to not being a challenge.
Perhaps the way to think about it is this:
-Buying flowers, complimenting her too much, etc. comes across as 'trying too hard' (and thus "desparate").
-But asking a girl to "hang out" and not asking her on a formal date comes across as 'not trying at all'.
@rocksongwriter build more interest before asking and wait for her to say "no" before ejecting from the situation. If you ask a girl out and she says uhm I think I'm pretty busy then yes that means she's not interested in going on a date with you but no that doesn't means you should or that she even wants you to give up. if she did trust me she would say "no." by persisting you put yourself above 80% of men who would just give up
from what I hear, you don't "ask people out"..you let it just casually happen..and that usually occurs through just "hanging out"..but then again..im 22 and I'm not really in touch with what's "popular these days"
it makes you look depserate. sadly I think it can really creep a girl out these days... I tried twice, both didn't workout...
but I'm not a reference so heh
I think there has to be some extent of knowing each other before the date, that way you would know how interested you are in each other in the first place.
Real dates are solid- there really is nothing like walking into a high end restaurant with a beautiful girl on your arm, and like 30 people turn to see how good y'all look. Priceless
Yes! :)
I DO try to take women out on "real dates." Many of those women would rather just chill at home or go to a bar. It definitely goes both ways...
From my experience, guys in college don't ask girls out. Though my boyfriend did ask me out on an actual date, he's already graduated.
Never been on a real date either! Only the 'hang out' or chillin' which is good if you're now getting to know someone but come on after a while you gotta do something a bit special! ~
My thoughts, exactly! I like hanging out at first, getting to know the person. But if it keeps going on then a real fate only seems fitting!
I agree...come on you gotta put a little effort if you want to keep the merchandise lol so to speak ~
Now, why would guys bother when your prefer a girl's company? Just want free entertainment, right?
OMG
Lol I love how one guy voted that he's a girl. :D I voted B.
Hahahaha. I know. I laughed when I saw that. But thank you!
Yep, no problem.
Guys always take me on "real dates", usually we hang out at least once first, but dates always follow.
If she's cool to hang out, she's a keeper. Bottom line.
But would you ever take her on a date? And call it a date and everything?
sure. but if she 'expected' it, like you do, I wouldn't be cool with it at all.
Where did I say I expect this? Was it written anywhere up there? No, no it was not. It's not even implied. It was a question as to why it's not seen, that's all. There's no deeper meaning into what I said or anything, it is exactly what the words say.
Also, that's just an example, no one said it HAS to be dinner or something, it's gestures that I'm talking about here.
All you've been doing is arguing with great logical rational reasons of why things are the way that they are. You aren't going to change any minds here. We're looking out for what's best for us.
So tell me, what's best for the male population?
One more thing, I'm not trying to change minds but get my point across just as you're doing.
Okay, well we get your point. It's pretty basic. Most everyone has addressed your point. Quite well in fact.
You want to go out on formal dates and would even pay. Well I don't want that. I think 50/50 is ideal. Both financially and when it comes to showing initiative. Many of us want FULL equality, including in the romantic realm, and we're disgusted by women who refuse to accept or understand that.
Who said formal? Haha. Again what I said right up there on the comments in this thread, "no one said it HAS to be dinner or something, it's the gestures I'm talking about."
Oh, well I date my girlfriend/wife when in a relationship. We take turns paying. I open the car door etc. but your attitude rubs me the wrong way
Attitude over the internet... Interesting. That's the problem with simply reading text, you don't really know the attitude of the person. It's meant in a rather light tone. I agree that taking turns is fitting, both doing work, etc. Interest has to be shown from both sides.
I've just been in US for three months, just curious, what do you mean by " if she is cool to hang out, she is a keeper"?
He means if she likes to hang out.
I did. The problem is so many girls don't want relationships so why go through all that trouble? You know?
Wait 'til you're in a relationship then treat her =]
Pretty much. I mean, listen. I am not saying I don't want to treat the girl nice. But I had this done to me. The girl just wanted my d*ck.. But she also made me take her on a date. Why? if she didn't want to date me why? I could have saved money, you know?
I'd rather just go out and have fun, with maybe one or two dates like this down the line.
I don't know what's happened to it. Because that's something I'd personally always do, If I had the girl.
I think it would be sweet.
After much consideration I voted D
Hahaha. Win.
Real date...ha...When I get married...Till then HANG OUT RULS!
Whatever happen to "real" ladies?
So true...
There's not a lot of them. I don't understand why my generation of females has no respect for themselves... it makes those of us that do seem so incredibly rare and hard to come by and we end up being the ones left in the dust because of it.
Its my age group too and its filled with girls that either are man haters or expect to be treated like a princess. I'm done before I even started. I donkt date or have sex or anything. Just work.
I ATE GREY AREAS LIKE THAT, its so confusing and it would just save so much time if you just told it like it is.
Thank you! If it's a date, you know it's a date that way. No wondering if going to his house to 'hang out' means he's into you or just wants to hang out or what!
So..your choices make it seem I can't ask out someone if I'm a girl...whats up with that?
I'm talking about guys asking out girls or girls asking out girls or guys asking out guys. Not a girl taking a guy out. I actually see that happen.
wow...ok, I guess all heterosexual guys are jerks then in your book.
Why do you say that? I don't see how I even implied that at all...
Lawlz @ how many girls responded on the poll.
Haha. I know it was pretty funny.
just a hint for future polls, the "i'm a girl" option is unnecessary, the poll tells you which votes are from girls.
and I took my ex out on lots of "real dates" but we also hung out at my house a lot.
Well I put that is in, I'm a girl and I just want to see the results.
yeah but the poll tells you that. so all you need to say is "see results".
No, because I want guys to vote.
it also tells you how many the guys vote... just look at it, it says girls, guys, all.
I'm aware. I've done polls before, I've voted in them, I'm not stupid. But thanks for the input.
i didn't say you were.
and I've made hundreds of polls, literally. so I know what I'm talking about.
I've seen a lot of people put the option for the opposite gender in polls like this... And I found it fitting. Personal preference. But again, thanks for the input.
but its unnecessary... its like asking someone if they're a girl when they've already told you...
Honey, what's the fricken difference? She had it there as an option because it's, "hey I'm a girl, this question doesn't apply to me, but I want to see answers." If she left it at "see answers" how many guys do you think would click that just to see results? Sounds weird, but there are enough weirdos who'd pull that bs on this site.
Hey sikoo I get your point... its just super redundant. QA it makes you look unaware of the way the system works... not saying you are unaware
thank you.
I think it's cheesy so I would only do that if I really liked her.
We just hang out together. It doesn't feels right to take a girl out on a real date because none of my friends do so.
Good question. the reason I don't do "real dates" is because none of my friends do. they all just hanging out
Some girls don't like real dates.
*Some*, yes but the majority do.
Exactly.
What's the percentage breakdown?
Well if I bring out my graph and find that standard deviation of sigma and then s squared is gives me ss which then leads to the square root of ss over N which is then... I have no clue. Haha.
Because girls are getting easier to impress.
it depends entirely on the girl.