How can you tell whether a guy is out of your league?

[Anonymous]

I’ve had guys that pursued me hard, but won’t commit or they are already in a relationship. Whenever a guy refuses to commit, I assume that it is because they think they can do better. How can I determine if the men pursuing me are out of my league to avoid wasting time?

[Summeroflove]

That depends on your definition of a league. When it comes to superficial relationships and people that’s one issue but two people with a genuine heart can fall for one another. Even if to the more superficial and materialistic people would disagree.

Some people simply see someone as a challenge if someone’s in a relationship already just know they would cheat on you if anything got serious enough and most are only looking for sex. There are many people who are looking to use someone either for sex or something else but don’t want a real relationship.

If someone refuses to commit it depends on the situation. Sometimes they may feel you’re rushing too fast if you’ve only really known one another a short while and you’re wanting to be official this can be a red flag. On the other extreme if you been dating a long time at some point two people should know whether they really want to be with one another.

Be direct. Be honest. If someone can’t do the same they aren’t worth your time.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

"Whenever a guy refuses to commit, I assume that it is because they think they can do better"

Then here is a complementary list of assumptions:

• it is because they don't want "to commit" with anyone
• it is because they don't share your definition of "commitment"
• it is because they are still in the mourning process
• it is because they don't intend "to commit" at the moment you meet them

"How can I determine if the men pursuing me are out of my league"

If you perceive yourself as someone being "in a league", there's a chance you're going to attract guys also thinking in terms of league? Or there's a chance that you will imagine them thinking in terms of league. In any of these cases, I believe you can only live a hard life, because if you're at the top of the league, you'll feel pressured to stay on top, and if you're not at the top, you'll feel pressured to be at the top.

[anon1903]

It also depends on their age and experience

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

It depends on so many things that I'd refuse to assume anything, makes my life simpler

[anon1903]

It's definitely not a league issue

[Genie23]

I don't believe in league. Someone pursued you but didn't commit doesn't mean that you're not good enough. In many cases, they aren't ready for commitment or is afraid of commitment or are too immature and just want sex. It has nothing to do with you. Just be careful where you invest your times and emotion. Don't sleep with them. See how much effort they're making and when you meet a genuinely nice guy who cares about you and wants to commit, you'll just know. You won't feel the need to ask us.

[DishLady]

Dating is already a numbers game. Now with apps it's a warped numbers game, so guys don't commit even to gals they REALLY LIKE bc their little heads are pointing them to what AI has defined as greener pastures. THEIR loss, not yours. The proper guy for you will respect and chase you no matter what league you or he are in. Period.

[MrOracle]

I don't know anything about you, so don't take anything personally - I'm just answering the question you asked and I'm going to give you honest answers that you might not like, but it's better to know the truth than be told a comfortable lie that only undermines your goal of a serious relationship. Obviously, most of these are generalizations, which means they apply to the majority, but not every last person. But you can't count on exceptions, because that pool of men is super tiny.

Your looks are NOT everything, but they are important - maybe 35-50% of your overall score. What you think of your looks means exactly zero - what matters isNext is age, and unfortunately, you lose about 2 points out of 10 once you pass your 20s. If you have kids already, that's another point or more off.

[Levin]

What do you think it is physically that changes when a girl hits 30?

[Avicenna]

“Leagues” is a misleading way of looking at it- the real question is are you two compatible?

[Leon1]

But the point is even If 2 people are compatible but one refuses to commit even if he says otherwise then it’s clear they ain’t in it.

[Avicenna]

@Leon1: Part of compatibility is indeed wanting the same level of commitment.
Asker, it isn’t always the case that the guy thinks he can do better when he won’t commit, it’s often that he wants to play the field while having done sort of de facto commitment from you as well.

[Chazmatazz269]

Great question! It’s tragic that you posted anonymous. Now it seems you’re just trolling.

[alli-112]

Personally I can't, but I also just don't think about people that way, ya know? Like, each individual has reasons for their actions. Everyone has strengths and flaws that make them (subjectively) more or less attractive to their peers.

I don't think that a man refusing to commit means he "out of your league" or that he thinks he could do better (unless he's explicitly stated that opinion I guess). There are a lot of other explanations for that kind of behavior.

As for how to find a man willing to commit, pretty sure a lot of us have that issue lol. I guess just focus on being real in terms of what you're looking for and try to find someone wants the same.

[ChazzQ]

If he won't commit to you, does it matter if he's holding out for something better, or if he's just not that into you? Either way, you deserve better, so give him an ultimatum and a deadline. If he's smart, he'll realize that he's been taking you for granted, and that the likelihood of Jenna Ortega showing up on his doorstep and professing her love for him is remote, at best, so he'll come to his senses and put a figurative ring on it. Or he may just let you go. Either way, he's stopped wasting your time. And so that you don't waste YOUR time, don't respond to guys that you wouldn't pursue. If they're "out of your league," to use your words, don't give them the time of day. If you he's not what you want -- college-educated, professional, goal-oriented, blond, athletic, kind, whatever -- tell him thanks, but no thanks. Not interested.

[Sugar100]

Good question. I have this same issue.

one guy I dated was a fuckboy refuse to comitt but it’s true cuz they think they’ll find better girl. I dump him and now I think he’s out of my leuage and he’s depresed with me gone.

[DangerouslyCute]

I don't see people like that... no one is out of anyone's league... or people get along together or not...

[Babygirl_S]

If he’s willing to eat a whore’s filth and I can sense it when I’m miles away from him, that simping slave is definitely out of my league. If he licks unclean buttholes of 2 dollar whores and my intuition tells me he not only eats her filth but also licks an unclean butthole, he’s definitely BENEATH me. I am so untouched and never been naked with a 2 dollar whore.

[OneViewpoint]

They aren't "out of your league". They are 30 something immature assholes who think their early 20's are gonna last forever. Start being more discriminating about the adult males you hang out with.

[beenherebefore]

I always go for attractiveness and style, if a guy is not as attractive as me then you're automatically out of my league. Also if you're not on a similar financial stability as me I consider you out of my league.

[Caroline91]

lol... He'll tell you and/or show you. But that's just his opinion, so laugh and move on to a man worth spending your time with. There are lots of good men out there.

[Anonymous]

Do you have any guy friends? Ask him. That is your best bet. I'll never understand why so many women have such little understanding of leagues. I thinks it's because your expectations are generally ridiculous. It is very clear to guys. We know what we can expect or not expect from any given woman.

[DannyUk2017]

You need to Leave Aside the Day Dreaming and Read More Body Language & Actions, and those 2 will tell you Everything that you need to know about a Guy, same with women...🤷‍♂️

[anon1903]

Most guys aren't looking for anything serious. Especially if you're one of those girlies that sleep with them easily, that's how you know they think less of you. If you're prudish on the other hand, they don't think of you at all

[Miristheiss]

A girl with common sense will know.

If you cannot tell... will he commit to you and be exclusive or does he just want sex but otherwise he is non committal.

[dragoblack]

Here's the neat thing. "Out of your league" doesn't exist, it's a phrase of insecurity & self-doubt. If you like a guy, just ask. Sure thr guy could reject you, and the feeling sucks, but such is life and everyone has a choice

[Nikki1989]

There are NO leagues.

There never was. It is just another myth people have been brainwashed into believing.

[anon1903]

It's an alienating concept

[Staximus]

Guys that pursue you hard but won't commit or are in relationships are obviously pieces of shit. How do you not know this? Either you're dumber than a box of rocks or don't value yourself at all.

[TheoreticallyGreat]

Depends on your level of confidence but I would focus more on possible compatibility than thinking you're good enough. You are good enough I would just focus on finding someone who cares for you because you're you

[Gwendoline]

Hold off on having sex with them. Time wasters after only one thing will disappear

[MannMitAntworten]

Once upon a time I would have agreed with your assertion. Unfortunately the ease at which sex has been attained has placed women with noble intentions at a disadvantage because men today are told, “she makes you wait but not this other guy wait … so don’t waste your time on her. She is only using you for your resources. Move on to the next.” So even if he has noble intentions towards you he may feel only used but from a different direction. Short of there existing some sort of shared cultural or theological norms on the subject of courting between you and the guy, withholding sex may be counter productive anymore too. Dating has been stretched in so many ridiculous boundary directions and conceptions between the sexes that there no longer exists a single approach to figuring out who is and who is not a worth while pursuit.

[Gwendoline]

@MannMitAntworten yeah but the guys that move on aren't for her. Better that than to waste years on guys who will never committ. Know too many girls who wasted years on guys who would never committ to them and when they break up a year later the guy is engaged to another woman.

[MannMitAntworten]

That happens both ways. I mean you can have a wedding date set and have your fiancé end things out of no where only to learn she was married three months after your split up. Also learn that she had been seeing this other guy the entire time you were both were engaged making you wonder why she even said “yes”? It really is both sexes damaging one another. That the respective ‘sides’ lay blame entirely on the other sex’s side is only deepening the chasm.

Every guy is going to move on just as every woman is going to move on. Dating had become a “sides” contest which serves neither side.

[alice55]

Just date down it's the easiest things to do.

[lilBigPotato]

There are no leagues, just those who believe in them and those who don't

[slatyb]

There are no leagues. Try asking men what they want on the first date.

[TheSpaceGnome]

league's don't exist.

People are like puzzle pieces, you gotta pick one that fits you.

[Luopio27]

By asking him out on a date or sending in his close friend to recomend him to ask you out! Best friend is a powerful ally!

[RedInnocent69]

It’s not like that. There are no leagues. Guys are just like that. Do you ever pursue guys that you want?

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Not sure but just take things a bit slower next time so that you don't keep running into the same kinda guy's.

[Anonymous]

Leagues are just made up obstacles. Only entertain guys that want something that you want.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Nobody is out of your league. There is no such thing we are human beautiful in out own way

[Anonymous]

He usually ignores you. The same way you can tell whether a girl is out of your league.

[Anonymous]

If a guy won't commit at least for me for example it's because i know the woman is full of shit or because i don't want to get hurt by her

[chrissykerdock]

they have no passion for you

[Jennz6]

No such thing as that

[SamWinchester058]

How do you tell when he IS in your league?

[Caroline91]

@SamWinchester058 Oh, please, don't confuse the situation with common sense!! lol

[SamWinchester058]

@Caroline91 my baddd! I'll shut up now. Lol

[Asker]

When he’s willing to commit?

[Caroline91]

@SamWinchester058 SUCH a relief... at least until the next time, right? 🫢

[SamWinchester058]

@Caroline91 😂😂😂. I got you.

[SamWinchester058]

And that's all? Just when he's willing to commit? You don't use any other information to separate guys in your league and out of your league?

[Asker]

Men have told me that if men won’t commit to you, it’s because you’re punching above your weight and the guy is more than likely out of your league (because he more than likely has better options).

[shortster]

Which league are you in AA, AAA, or single A?

[beefcakebradybatson]

If he resembles Yours Truly !!!