Is it sometimes necessary for a man to chase the woman he desires in order to win her over?

[capriVib]

I think no one should chase after someone else. I see some men who pursue a woman who initially doesn’t want them, chasing her relentlessly, barely managing to keep her by their side, and then thinking they’ve won. If they “win” her through bargaining, that woman’s value in their eyes becomes no more than a credit card. A man should make his offer once, and if it’s not accepted, he shouldn’t ask again.

What do you think about this?

Updates

1 y

You're misunderstanding me. I'm talking about men who obsessively pursue women who aren't interested in them, showing excessive attention. Men should take the first step in approaching or asking for a date, but if the woman isn't interested, they should let it go. They shouldn't give her a third or fourth chance, no matter what.

[Finchie40]

No guy should be chasing after a girl that said No the first time around , since you ask a girl on a date and she says No , move on to the next , do not assume you have a chance. A girl knows what she wants and if she doesn’t want you , she doesn’t want you , she might want you when you walk the other way after she rejects your ass , so you have a 50/50 chance getting her when you walk the other way after she says No. Some of the girls’ that rejected me the first time around , ended up reaching out to me wanting to see me because I’m she realized I was fine being rejected by her and didn’t belly her to be with me. , she was begging to be on her knees for me instead lol

[capriVib]

Absolutely, that’s exactly how it should be. When a girl rejects you the first time, you thank her and show confidence by saying, “If it’s not you, it’ll be someone else.” When you make it clear you have other options, she might regret rejecting you. But most guys lack this perspective. When they get rejected the first time, they give up on life, think it’s over and don’t try their luck with other women.

[Finchie40]

Yea being rejected sucks but it isn’t the end of the world , So when you don’t take it to heart and get completely bent out of shape about it , and you are still polite to the person that rejected you the chances of them having a change of heart increases. It doesn’t always work but it does sometimes

[Vegasrunner]

Waste if time chasing women, better off chasing success achieving it then selecting from the women who chase you.

[capriVib]

I agree, a man should chase excellent, not women.
💪🕶️👔

[Vegasrunner]

@capriVib Yes. TBH once excellence is achieved, men can have their pick of women.

[Jersey2]

I chased a woman and excellence and got both. She didn’t like me as she thought I was arrogant but I was dumbfounded when I saw her. I lined up my shot at a NYE party and took it. We have 3 kids now and we are in what was our vacation house now our primary as we have enough to live a nice life.

[Vegasrunner]

@Jersey2 How is that chasing?

[capriVib]

@Jersey This isn’t about chasing you’ve just taken the first step, which is how it should be.

[DishLady]

Honestly it depends on the situation. Some guys are ok with just feeling mutual attraction and looking inward to assess whether or not they found Ms. Right. But SOME guys really do need to feel the intensifying pull of a "chase" (or at least initiating things) to get the girl he wants in order to feel that he has "earned" the favor she grants him. It's not the same for everyone so it's not a blanket logic to govern the process of falling in love. The key is to know (1) WHICH SORT OF GUY you are and (2) WHAT SORT OF GORL you are looking for so that you can proceed accordingly and are not aimlessly pursuing someone who is not worth the investment of your time or effort.

[thegreenyogi]

Yes I think so. Men and women communicate differently and not always do women pick up on your body language cues and a lot of the time men seem to interpret this as a sign of disinterest which isn't always the case. There are some women who out of trust issues or other reasons won't necessarily respond in a clear way to your body language hints. Sometimes we need you men to tell us straight what you want and what you feel and that means chasing us if we are what you want.

[OneViewpoint]

So women expect men to take all the risk? We put ourselves out there because women are afraid of rejection and they want to feel pursued. OK, we can handle that chore if it scares you or makes you feel desirable. And we do.

But now that's not enough. You can't read the room or a guy who's asking you out either. Now you have trust issues, low self esteem, or you're just indecisive. We need to hold your hand and compensate for that too. Just where does accountability kick in for women who are whining "where have all the good men gone". Will women make even the most insignificant effort?

And if a man pursues too much or too long, he's deemed needy and insecure and the woman loses all respect for him. After getting her dopamine rush from feeling desirable.

Sorry, long before that happens I've moved on and thanked the universe for helping me dodge a bullet. I'll put it out there one time in clear language. If you can't make a decision in a timely manner, I'll make it for you.

[thegreenyogi]

Fair enough. I see that my answer triggered you somehow. I apologise for that.

[OneViewpoint]

Not triggered. No need to apologize. I just couldn’t help but point out the monumental sense of entitlement and lack of accountability embedded in your opinion. It appears to be the rule rather than the exception these days. And yet women seem blind to its role in causing men to decide a lot of women simply aren’t worth the trouble.

If we are expected to take all the risk, sympathize with all of women’s anxieties, pay for everything, and make women feel desired, what do men get in return? The pleasure of your company for a couple of hours? Sex? Reminds me of something. Can’t put my finger on it.

A lot of men are saying, “no thanks”. And a lot of women seem puzzled by that. That was my only point.

[thegreenyogi]

I see. Well i don't expect a guy to pay for me and I don't expect a guy to approach. I am humble enough to have low expectations. Unfortunately I have had some very negative experiences which have made it so I find it incredibly difficult to be the one to approach. That does not mean that if a guy flirts with me I don't flirt back and give some of my vulnerability to that guy but I'm not the kind of person who likes to impose her presence on others especially men because whenever I have in the past it hasn't really worked out for me.

I don't believe in social rules so my opinion was not based on the understated rule that men should do all the work. I don't believe that at all. And I think you have jumped to conclusions and labelled me something I am not based upon a few words I wrote. And I don't think it's a fair judgment.

[Summeroflove]

Let me be completely honest if someone genuinely wants you she will show interest back same to the women out there he will show interest back. More times then not you’re wasting your time on someone whose just genuinely not that into you and the times someone is into you they’re either ashamed of you or playing games.

If only ones persons showing the effort chances are if a relationship ever did materialize it would be forever one sided. So don’t waste your time on people who refuse to show interest back when there are people who are genuinely attracted to you. Who won’t play those stupid games.

If someone likes you enough I promise they will show it.

[MrOracle]

Men should EXPRESS INTEREST if they are interested. If they get rejected, then the man should WALK AWAY and move on, without looking back. No games. No jealousy. No orbiting. No stalking (real or virtual). Just MOVE ON.

And women need to learn that if they're just going to be flippantly dismissive of men, as so many are, then they're going to miss out on their one and only chance with that guy, and if they come to regret that decision, they need to own the outcome of their decisions.

A man should never CHASE. Simps chase. Simps try to win a woman over with money or gifts or favors, and women will often happily take all of that from a simp, but she will NEVER, EVER respect him. And that's the kiss of death.

[Chazmatazz269]

Not if he wants a meaningful relationship with an adult woman. Children play games. “Hard to get” is a game.
As men, only idiots and masochists play along; especially in the current sociopolitical climate. The only prize for playing that game is prison.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Well, like my father always said, nobody forces you to compete, but don't complain when you don't win anything.

I have a more nuanced view - I think sometimes it can be beneficial to chase someone - as in, show them you are a reliable person and the right man for them - up to a point. People do change their mind over time.

That said, if she said to kick rocks the first times, and says so the -nth, it would be idiotic to keep going.

Every woman is different and things that apply to one don't necessarily apply to the next one.

[OneViewpoint]

A woman is never going to respect a guy who is constantly chasing her, a nice guy, needy, insecure, and smothering. Like the OP said, approach her and put the offer out there. If her answer is no, or weak interest, walk away. Have some self respect. No hard feelings. No explanations required. No looking back. She's entitled to her choices like anyone else.

[capriVib]

I agree, but if u notice, the women commenting and those i observe around me regarding say the exact opposite, stating that the man should be the one chasing. It's an interesting situation. What i understand here is that women seem to be hiding the truth as if they’ve agreed among themselves.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

I believe only clueless guys would chase the way you're describing it. Since I also believe that these clueless guys are more often than not self-absorbed then it seems unlikely they'd click on anything discussed in this page. While the rest of the world would already adapt appropriately and see nothing new under the sun?

[WhitneySnow]

Interesting. If she’s not interested the first time, she’ll rarely change her mind the third or fourth time he asks.

[capriVib]

To be honest, asking a second time might be a mistake but sometimes persistence and timing can work. However if you only win her over after excessive begging, I don’t think the woman geniun loves the man it’s artificial affection. That’s why you should thank a woman who rejects you and walk away without looking back.

[WhitneySnow]

I don’t think most women are likely to be won over the third or fourth time a guy asks no matter how much begging he does.

[Fireguy17]

nope, she either wants to be with me, or there are plenty of others that will gladly take her place.
I'm not a big game player.

[capriVib]

That's real confidence. 👍

[Fireguy17]

it has worked my whole life, so I don't think it is confidence, it just choosing the right one, and if they aren't there will always be someone else who might just be the right one.

[capriVib]

Confidence is not a divine power or something that comes from within. "confidence comes from options"

if you can create different options, u are genuine confidence.

[dustybiker2]

Only if it's to share the last of the ice cream.

[dustybiker2]

Put out a innocent feeler at very least or opportunity will pass you by. You can spend an entire lifetime waiting to learn this.

[capriVib]

If I'm the last one to lick the ice cream everyone else has licked, I'd rather not eat it at all. Whoever licked it first can keep going 😂

[dustybiker2]

You do intend to kiss them no?

[Anonymous]

Physically chase her? No.

Also if the woman has shut him down prior multiple times then No because it shows he 1) doesn’t respect boundaries 2) doesn’t know what no means or hinting towards no also 3) just doesn’t know social cues which is scary. All this is off putting for the woman.

[capriVib]

Buddy, to be honest this question isn’t really mine. I’m just sharing some observations about certain male behaviors I’ve noticed out there and I was wondering if these methods lead to success in their relationships.

As for me personally, I’m a reserved person. I would never ask out a woman I see out in public or on social media if I have no connection with her. However, if I sense that a girl is interested in me, I’ll take the initiative and ask her out. I never stay where I’m not wanted.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I wasn’t directing it towards you , just saying my piece as is. No hard feelings.

Nice that you are reserved (so am I) , that is good that if you sense a girl is into you then you shoot your shot that is awesome also understandable. Good that you never stay where you aren’t wanted , you sound like a chill dude tbh. I wish you the best.

[Caroline91]

I don’t know about not asking again. If he’s really interested in her, he could give it some time and ask again. Sometimes circumstances are the reason she says no and that can change.

[WonderingManII]

I'm scared of chasing a woman, because if I do, she will call me a stalker. :'(

[capriVib]

In this case, the worst thing is at least being able to take the first step is important in this question, I was talking about begging or chasing after her.

[WonderingManII]

@capriVib
I'm not going to go into extensive details. But I had a very bad experience with a Woman.

A woman will decide based on how the "chase" makes her feel. That is why I don't do this. I've been accused of "following" a woman, when all I wanted to do is approach her and ask her how she was doing!!! Yes I got into trouble for it. The weird thing is, she was the one that started the friendship. She also wanted people to stay in contact with her. I hadn't seen her in months. Things seemed ok between us when she went away. But after she came back, her reaction to me was the exact opposite of her reaction before. I got no idea what changed cause she won't communicate. This is why I don't trust women. It's a very fine line based on how they feel about something. I will never have anything to do with her again! She doesn't trust me, and I don't trust her.

[NathanDavis]

never have, never will

if the interest is not mutual, I won't even get ideas at all... lol

[Ms_Facesitter]

I think so. Because I don't move quickly unlike others. He didn't either, but he stuck around and we eventually got together.

[Ms_Facesitter]

After reading that update, of course I'm going to have to say No.

[TheLovelyWoman]

Yes. Us women love being chased and pursued after.

[Anonymous]

No, I would prefer a dominant woman who would chase me.

[Opinion Owner]

I prefer girls who like to take initiative.

[capriVib]

If u're waiting for a dominant, take-charge woman to come your way, u'll be waiting forever bc such a woman doesn't exist 😂.

[Opinion Owner]

They exist but they are rare, unfortunately :(

[DrPepper12]

There should always be mutual anticipation & wooing

[Curmudgeon]

"The only winning move is not to play."

[Anonymous]

Men should and must chase. It shows if he’s worthy enough to provide. Chasing by many means like giving out time , spending money on her shows his worth and his masculinity

[capriVib]

He should be able to invite her out, take the initiative, and know how to approach her, but if a woman says no, he shouldn’t persist a second time he should let it go and move forward. In a relationship, the woman is the one who decides, and if she’s interested in a man, she’ll make it clear in some way.

[Opinion Owner]

He needs to prove himself , so she can chose. Prove himself as a man capable of providing protecting for a family and to be a husband and father. lol. Be a man , grow balls

[Opinion Owner]

U sound like a non virgin trash who wants to sleep around.

[capriVib]

Thanks for teaching us how to be a man, anonymous member. 😂👍

[Opinion Owner]

I bet u aren’t Virgin

[blackeagle007]

Who cares? Everyone loses virginity at some point

[beefcakebradybatson]

If she has the bottom that broad has, likely.

[Quetaismymiddlename]

If she is willing to reciprocate and not having him chase her without validating his feelings.

[capriVib]

What is this, are we going to play a chase game? As far as I understand, there’s no need for chasing if a woman wants someone, there’s no need for chasing at all.

Simple men chase women.
Women chase a strong man.
[🔴 💊]🪽

[Hulk30]

never chasin by default mean's she's runnin from ya

[Wise4myage]

I think chasing a girl is fine, as long as the guy isn't creepy about it or becomes obsessed..

[Anonymous]

No. Never chase a woman. Women are like a bus. Don't chase a bus. Just wait, and another one will be along in a few minutes.

[blackeagle007]

What’s the point? Not interested means just that. It’ll become harassment

[exitseven]

yes, you have to put in the work.

[fonduegirl]

Sure, if real life is romance anime

[LiamJHayden]

Waste of time.

[Chelsdope0]

Yesssss