When a woman pursues a man, is that wrong?

Question

Society and social rules for hundreds of years dictate the man is the one who must chase, woo and pursue a woman if he is interested in her because that is the polite and gentleman thing to do, but if the woman does the chasing and all those same things first, it could mean she may be desperate for a men´s attention and that ain't good. As the man is the one who must those things first.

What is the difference then if a man does it first than the woman does it first? So a woman can’t do the pursuing if she is interested in a guy because that is the man´s job? So if a guy is the one pursuing, there is also a chance the woman could not be interested isn’t it?

Guys, if a woman does that first, will you feel bad and believe she is desperate for your attention? Or indeed there are guys who still in these days believe it is their duty to pursue not the woman?

I am not saying is bad if the man pursues first but a woman can do it too I believe.

Lets take one example a man and a woman in their mid or late 40´s both single, no kids, neither one had been married before and in these days many women are bold, confident and pursue guys first, if you take that the woman is almost in their mid or late 40´s do you think she will behave like a teenager waiting for the grown up guy to go first?

Dihiya · Accepted Answer

I'm not a fan of women going first for a men (not bc i assume she is desperate or whatever) but bc i would like someone who is genuinely interested in me from the start
what if you like a man make advances toward him but he is not interested in you romantically but still lead you for fun or just for sex?( yes it may happen even if he is the first to approach but still)

what if he rejects you? we can't just jump to another man bc when we like someone it's him not another we would need time to get over the rejection on the other hand guys generally don't get attached to crushes that much and get over them way more easily
conclusion :
guys develop crushes easily and frequently so they get over them faster== hurts less when rejected and they move on
girls take time to develop a crush so they take longer to get over it == hurts way more when rejected and takes time to move on

little_bird1 · Accepted Answer

Yes it's wrong, no one should pursue anyone. When you say "pursue" what I imagine is chasing someone and trying to get their attention, trying to make them like you, constantly ask them out and making your interest well known in them even if they don't reciprocate. That's a no way to go with anyone, regardless of gender.
But what I do recommend is that women SHOULD make first moves more often. Make their interest well known loud and clear, especially with words. But only ONE move. If she is in his "would date" category things will escalate real quickly and it's pretty much a done deal from then on, no need for pursuing. If she's not then she should move on.

PinkMichae · Accepted Answer

My man loves the chase. Some guys are still that way. When I was younger I did pursue a few guys. It got me put in the friendzone. So I carefully watched how my guy friends were and they all liked the chase. I became single again in my late 30's and it really didn't seem different. Maybe it's because they were my age and use to things being that way. I still definitely let him know I liked him. I didn't play games. It's just how it happened with him and my ex. I really hope women can not have to wait around for a man to pick her. And ladies if you ask him out on the date you should pay for what you planned.

Gods_Gift · Accepted Answer

I chose Disagree because I think it's not wrong.
Every single one of my relationships was initiated by the woman. It's not that I never tried to get a girlfriend by initiating, but I've never done it very well and I've never succeeded. Ultimately I don't actually like doing it. I want to show interest in a woman and have her initiate with me.
Most of the time of course she doesn't want to and it doesn't happen - lots of women have been disappointed in my lack of assertiveness, and given up or gone off me. Those women who made the effort were ones who were particularly assertive.
Really I'd like to just attract women who then make a play for me and then I'll decide if I'm interested or not. I know that's what women want to do too but that doesn't stop it being what I want. In this situation women who take the lead are appreciated.

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

Yes & no. Whoever starts the pursuit creates a doubt in the mind of the other that there’s someone better out there. Because the pursued did not choose the chooser. They settled. ‘Grass is always greener on the other sudd’ can come into play more easily for the pursued.

In traditional relationships this was balanced out by the fact that monkey branching to other guys rapidly or just bouncing from bed to bed was heavily frowned on. Options were limited to the pursued (woman).

Now we’re in a situation where guys have less reason to pursue & neither men or women get much benefit. People are too fickle.

MzAsh · Answer

It’s not necessarily wrong but most men prefer to pursue. They want to be the ones to work hard to qualify themselves to a woman first.

ImagineSketchy · Answer

That quote is wrong on so many levels and was made by someone that lacks empathy and the ability to comprehend people are all different despite common anatomy.
If a woman is pursuing, it could simply mean that she sees what she wants and wants to ensure that she gets it before someone else does. No one can know exactly what they want all the time, so even if a man is courageous, outgoing or what have you, he may not know he wants to be with a certain woman. In fact he may have never noticed her before, and so it's a missed interaction.

If a woman approaches me with genuine interest in me, I would be incredibly flattered and give her a chance if I find her remotely physically attractive and not a single mother.

cth96190 · Answer

There is nothing wrong with a female taking the initiative.
It will be necessary soon for women to make the approach, because man-hating Feminists are in the midst of a global campaign to make it a crime for a man to approach a woman.
In Britain and France, the way that catcalling laws were worded criminalised all normal heterosexual approaches.
Men have already served prison time because they approached women.
Add #MeToo, Title IX and a host of other things that can end a man’s career and/or education by mere untested allegation and it will not be long until many men simply refuse to approach, as a matter of survival.
In such a world, a woman who is not willing to approach will die childless and alone, suurrounded by 72 cats.

Ronald_25 · Answer

No ladies, chase all you want, on my side it lets me know who really wants to be with me.

On your side, it seems illogical to wait around for the perfect guy. And let's face it, dropping hints seems to fall on deaf ears most the time. If your guy is anything like me, you'll be dropping hints for ages while I've frendzoned you from the start.

Holla at your boy, gain some confidence, be bold and go out and pick the man you want. The last thing I want to hear is "there are no nice guys left" from women who don't even try. I'm a guy, and it's not that difficult.

And some guys love girls persuing them 😏

lightbulb27 · Answer

She can pursue in her own way. I thinks she risks becoming just a play thing or pushing him away if too strong or doesn't hold her boundaries.

Where in nature does female pursue male? Don't think it's "natural". I still think it's better than male does, but many of them are wounded ducks without hope or skills. It definitely helps for the woman to toss out a life line... for those who are clueless...

Anonymous · Answer

if she doesn't pursue at least a little bit (reciprocate) then the guy will likely think she's just not interested at all, and would therefore stop his attempts.

it's time for women to start initiating, I'm exhausted by all these women who have convinced themselves that "society" told us to act a certain way, no one ever agreed or signed anything that said they are supposed to do anything, it's your life and it's up to you to get what you want out of it.

personally I've just stopped trying to pursue, because whenever I do I'm apparently being forceful or trying to hard or some such, nothing ever seems to be good enough for these girls who sit around waiting to be chased by as many men as they can get, while they judge the hell out of them but do nothing themselves. (sorry for ranting, heh)

Mezius · Answer

I don't think it's wrong for a woman to pursue a guy as long as she's not being creepy and stalkerish. Hell, I found my girlfriend on bumble, a website that encourages girls to initiate. We should all just go for it without worrying about the consequences. Some guys are just shy or unaware a girl is attracted to him. There are indirect ways to ask or show interest to a guy. Randomly walk past him and say hi. Start a conversation. Flirt aggressively. Guys like it when a girl isn't afraid to show interest and is more likely to pursue.

rozequarts · Answer

What I like to do is - not pursue, but hint and signal.

I will flirt. Neither too subtly nor too aggressively. I will compliment them. Get deep with them and show them I am a safe place/person to confide in if they need. I establish trust, comfort. Basically I am a friend but we also find each other attractive.

But I agree with that picture. Everywhere I go, even MEN say this to me, "if he wants you he will show you." So despite flirting, I will not ask a guy out until he asks me first.

LoU_Hades · Answer

Maybe pursuing isn't so common by girls, but she gives you hundreds signs that she is interested in you. I never had time or motivation for one girl's "being hard to get" game, hence is being clear in your intentions as female the best option the get the guy.

karley55 · Answer

Well it depends , for me I’m a Mexican that was raised that the guys will always persue you but now is different I feel that guys usually just give you hints that they like you and expect us girls to make the first move which sucks!!! & I don’t really agree and that if he doesn’t approach you he doesn’t want to be with you because like I said I might like someone a lot and I don’t talk to them because I’m really shy or afraid of rejection

holograph · Answer

It's not wrong. Social rules have changed, but biological conditioning takes a LONG time to overcome (nevertheless, it is the job of biology to adapt to the circumstances under which it exists). We are no longer hunter-gatherers and we may be descended from apes, but our society is nothing like that of apes or of earlier humans. Therefore it is the job of humans to adapt to the new norm.

The new norm includes people of either gender being able to approach the other.

Oram52 · Answer

Suppose I can agree with the sentiment, there should be nothing wrong with a woman asking a guy out. However I prefer to do the chasing and asking a girl out. Girls also like confidence so guys who are willing to pursue girls also likely to be more confident or at least show confidence in that moment.

It could also depend on what she means by pursuing men, girls do let guys know they are interested by whatever means. So its up to guys now to make the move.

dbr1987 · Answer

Every women goes after the hottest Guy she has a crush on. Never believe these stigmas society trows at you. When you really like someone you want to be with that person and talk and touch and have sex. If you are in that situation take what you want regardles your penis or vagina

loveslongnails · Answer

I completely disagree with the meme in this post. First of all, it's a "logical fallacy" because its premise is not true. IF the first line were TRUE in EVERY CASE, then it would be a true statement. But that's not the case. As for the question, no it's not wrong at all for a woman to pursue a man. Why would it be?

Therisinghero12 · Answer

I think we'd all be happier if we just went for what we wanted instead of waiting for it to come to us, so just go take charge of you're own happiness and get it done :D
Personally though, I like when the girl pursues back, lets me know she's actually interested and all.

charlie_all_night · Answer

Men like it when you keep trying an they dont show interests.. Unless they say leave them be clearly its a turn on.. If they are involved it may be bad idea if they have hard times at home could use u for the moment an leave u soon after so be careful if they are not single

JREED9383 · Answer

it is not true that if a man does not pursue you that he is not interested. hell, I would love to actually pursue someone. But, I work 7 days a week. so it does not really give me the chance to. I would welcome a woman to pursue me, it would make me feel good. plus, that less work I have to put into trying woo them. It would be nice.

ohshee · Answer

I love it if a girl comes on to me it makes it way funner ,,, it seems like im always working so if she tskes the time to talk flirt. Or What ever it kinda snaps me out of wotk mode and thsts what i need

Anonymous · Answer

No, that is false, and I literally do not know a single man who does like being approached by a woman. We love it. All of us do.

Don't listen to what MzAsh said here. Everything she posts on GAG is driven by a harmful social agenda. She consistently gives women bad advice about men.

R4vedave · Answer

Not wrong at all. In fact if a woman makes the first move towards me, I'm actually much more likely to be interested, because that shows a confidence, and a direct level of interest in me that most women hold back.

When a woman pursues a man, is that wrong?

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