Who should make the first move?

Question

Hi everyone !

So I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who's a guy and we got onto the topic of relationships since im in one and he's single. (No its not weird he's just a friend I've known him forever more like a brother) anyway with the times that we have now where apparently men are scared to make the first move for being shamed or accused of things, but some women still want men to make the first move but whiteout asking for it?

Who do you think should make the first move?

Or better yet how would you go about making a move.

Thanks im just interested

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Women need to make the first move now. Men don't want to end up in a jail cell for the night because they "Harassed you." By complimenting your eyes at the bar. Whenever you ask single men that refuse to ask woman out, I always get the same answers. "I don't want to go to jail or lose my future" or "They aren't worth the headache." and frankly y'all ain't.

I've put in way too much work trying to get woman to give me a chance. Woman are nasty, selfish, greedy and shallow. Trying to date has taught me that 90% of woman have no value beyond their holes. I mean yea most men are garbage too most people in general are selfish awful creatures, but woman crank it up to eleven. I've met at least 5 men I liked ok for every 1 woman that didn't treat me with disrespect and acted like a cunt.

If y'all don't want to be single guess what. You're the choosers so if we aren't coming to you than you have to come to us or stay single. Also, if you think you look good but aren't getting asked out at all you don't look as good as you think. Men will work up the guts to make a move on an 8-10 if they think they have a chance sometimes even when they don't but 7s and down are more trouble than they're worth unless you just want to get laid.

Worse in many cases, even with the 8-10s it's still purely about sex on both ends which is gross and unethical. Sharing your body with someone you don't love is wrong and that's another part of the problem. A lot of you are just as big a hoe as men are horn dogs. I'm sick of men catching flak for being sex crazed maniacs when woman these days spread their legs for a beer as long as the guy is good looking.

6 is the new 4 to woman these days which is stupid cause almost all women want a ten and most of them deserve a 3 then are shocked when no one will ask them out because they're aiming way to high for their own quality. I wouldn't breed a racehorse with a work horse and most men have the same idea about picking their mate just like woman do. He might fuck you but he won't love you.

High tier men also in many cases just sleep around and never settle down so woman waste time on a guy who never planned to commit in the first place then throw a tantrum when he's done with them when they ignored every red flag along the way. I haven't met a single woman who said. "All men suck." that wasn't a complete and total bitch who needed to be taught a lesson frankly.

If woman talked as much shit to men as they do while being a man instead of a woman, they'd be black and blue all over by the end of the day. A lot of this "Trans hate." against trans men isn't even hate. You looked like a man but acted like a bitch of course they kicked your ass that's what a lot of men do when disrespected by other men welcome to the club dumbass. like I said most men are bad people too just more women are bad then men.

If you're under 6 foot. That's a problem, if you make less than 6 figures that's a problem, if you're average looking that's a problem and guess what? Most men don't even meet 2 of these three. Let me put it this way. If you're a woman and have a 6 foot requirement to date do you know how much you've sliced your dating pool with that requirment alone? 14.5% of men in America are 6 foot and over. Good fucking luck. 13% of men make 6 figures or more. If you think you're good enough to deserve that you almost certainly aren't just from a math perspective.

Also, if money, height or good looks are their top 3 requirements in a mate you're a shallow dumb ass. I'm not saying appearance finances don't matter but if they're even in their top 10 requirements the woman is just a shallow gold-digging bitch's and if you lose half your stuff in a divorce, you brought it on yourself thinking with the wrong head and I don't have much sympathy.

In today's dating economy if you're dumb enough to get married you deserve to lose your crap. It's common sense not to tie the knot these days. When 1/3 of marriages end with the woman taking half your shit and woman are the ones that initiate 70% of divorces it's clearly a stupid choice.

So, with all of this in mind, with all the pain, loss and risk that comes with it why the hell would most of us ever make a move?

Saramad_Hill · Accepted Answer

Your friend isn't wrong to hesitate-- while some women don't mind being approached and hand out a polite yes or no, some women have made it crystal clear they don't want to be bothered like that. And the reality is, it doesn't just end at rejection anymore. If you ask the wrong person out, there's a chance they'll take it the wrong way and slander you somehow. A lot of guys don't want to take the risk-- not because of rejection (which already hurts enough) but because now there's actual stakes if you run into someone who's looking to play the victim card. It's almost like a "want the cake and eat it too" moment now.

In my opinion, cold approaches are a gamble. Pays off if you're confident enough and attractive to back it up, but just comes across as creepy. "I like the way you look, but I don't know anything about you" isn't very flattering. And, you never know if someone's open to being hit-on or actually just busy and reserved. Women are not a hivemind. Some consent to being approached, some do not. And violating consent is a gamble, and foregoing the non-con approach roleplay is just a safety measure for men who don't want to be misunderstood. Women have ruined people's lives over bad approaches before. It's rare, but it's enough.

So now we're left with "who asks out who?"
I'd say: whoever has the moxie to do it.

Ignoring cold approaches, things can be a bit different. It's one thing to ask out a stranger, it's a different thing to ask out someone you already actually know.

Personally? I've never asked anyone out. Was always shy, and now I just don't find myself worth someone's time. My exes all made the first moves and we all failed for some reason or another. There's also the online dating method, but that's already tenuous and unreliable. But maybe we can blame the gender war for the love stalemate.

A man is not obligated to ask out the girl he fancies, and women aren't either on the vice versa. It's a problem with no clear, easy answer. So I just focus on making friends. If someone likes me, I'm leaving it up to them to say it, because I know how to let someone down gently. Just hope they wouldn't be vindictive about it.

EmmaMary · Accepted Answer

Just remember the saying that  Those Who Hesitates Loses . When I first saw the man who is now my husband and father of our two children, something absolutely floored me for six, completely took my breath away, and in fact in the nicest way made me feel quite ill for a short while... To the extent that I was invisibly pushed, shoved and forced to first ask if he had a girlfriend (thankfully he didn't) and secondly asking him out for dinner (which he instantly accepted)... Over dinner that evening he openly admitted that he was desperately trying/thinking of a way of asking me out, but feared rejection on the silly basis that a girl like me simply would never be interested in him. The rest of course is history... But he still keeps coming out with this silly statement that he never thought for one moment that I would ever be interested in him, let alone being my husband and father to our children.  It just goes to show at times, how people can think/see things for the wrong reasons. Is the not another saying which goes "Who Dares Wins"! Sincerest apologies for the very unusual and exceptionally long post.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Can you just look at the answers that are posted to the SAME question as it appears on this site about 10zillion times?

Go to "search" and ask "who asks first" or "who initiates".

If that's too challenging, here:

www.girlsaskguys.com/search

www.girlsaskguys.com/search?q=who+initiates

HawkPerception · Answer

If someone is interested, they should approach. Although societal norms or "traditional" norms say that the man should approach the woman, men are very happy being approached. It rarely ever happens to us and we love feeling desired just as much as women, if not more, because of how little we receive attention in our lives. We're also more receptive to being approached and polite about it because we know how hard it is to gather up the courage to go up to someone.

An interesting statistic is that over 80% of approaches in dating is done by men. However, a recent survey found that 45% of men age 18-25 have never approached a girl. And 29% of all men have never done so at any age.

Among women, only about 13% ask a man for his number and 29% initiate the first kiss.

75% to 86% of women in their 20s express desire to be approached for dating, but as they age, the desire to be approached by men declines.

Data indicates women have higher response AND success rates when they approach men, particularly online. Women who send the first message receive 2.5 times more replies and connect with more attractive partners.

It's just cultural norms that prevents women from intiating, otherwise if every other girl was doing it, many would follow. And men would feel more desired in society. I think it's only a positive if women approach.

Summeroflove · Answer

Whoever’s interested. If someone only approaches who approaches them you’re limiting your options significantly. Sometimes the people who throw themselves at you aren’t the type of people you want.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Women are the only ones with nothing to lose by making the first move.  How do they figure that they deserve the relationship that they want if they’re not willing to do that one little thing?

Avicenna · Answer

Either. Make the move once you know you’re interested and they’re available.

Anonymous · Answer

See this is the truth that people pretend does not exist. Women have ALWAYS made the first move. Yes, men do the actual asking. But women always do the inspiring of him to ask. Where we've run into trouble in recent generations is now more than ever women make the first move just for the sport of it. And guys have become wise to this fact. Guys now KNOW that more often the not a woman is going to flirt with him just for the ego boost she gets. And the minute he reciprocates any alleged interest she'll either reject him outright. Or pullback in order to get him to chase. Only to eventually reject him later. This has made dating downright toxic. Neither gender trusts the other. And both are just looking to get whatever temporary need they can satisfied by the other. Because both know whatever happens longevity to the "relationship" is not in the cards.

To answer your question. The one who is most interested be that man or woman should make the first move. It's called equality. You women have it now. And like it or not equality means EQUALITY! Not just the parts you like. Or don't. You can always just settle for whatever approaches you. Clearly that's working.😆

OneViewpoint · Answer

Who should make the first move? Simple. The person interested in striking up a conversation. If that's the guy then he should walk over and say hi. If it's the woman she should walk over and say hi. It really isn't that scary. People will not generally bite your head off for starting a conversation. Most people try to be reasonably kind in a rejection. No need to feel humiliation. Ya gave it a shot. If it didn't work out at least you gained some experience.

silvermoon84 · Answer

Anything goes really. I personally don’t make the first move, but not because I don’t believe women shouldn’t. The reason I don’t make the first move is because every time I did the guy either rejected me (which is fine, that’s his right) or he got super complacent and let me do everything so now I just let them make the moves. I see it as a way of gauging his level of interest in me.

shmeed · Answer

The man should first, but in a time when a men are being shamed socially for being men, I guess if women want relationships they should. My son is 23 and he says the same thing as your freind. Women who are trad should speak out aginst this progresive new norm. I think most women want men to be trad and treat a lady like a lady. Every movment can go to far and i think in the US we've gone to far and need to adjust back a bit.

Pohjolan · Answer

Well there's appropriate and unappropriate places and times to do it but women get more leeway without it becoming creepy or sexual harassment.

One can socialise and flirt without making a move though.

Actually a lot of women who talk about how they made a move never really did.

As long as you have plausible deniability it doesn't count as making a move.

Anonymous · Answer

I say just do whatever you feel like doing. The girl absolutely does not need to wait for a guy to male
a move. If I’m with a girl and things are
Going well I’ll try to sleep with them.
I get that it’s about sending a bad message. But let’s not pretend that we’ve both not screwed a bunch of people, sucked on more private parts than we can even count, and maybe even licked an asshole or two along the way.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Whoever is interested should make the move. Never wait on a man if you truly desire him. Some are bone-idle when it comes to approaching.

CindyRuns · Answer

I highly recommend it. A little over 10 years ago, I did and that guy is now my husband of a bit over 10 years. We're very happily married with two daughters

Miristheiss · Answer

Pretty wild society is so messed up men don't know how to be men and women don't know how to be women.  This didn't used to be a mystery for people.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

It might sound outrageous, but...  both  can make a move! Even at the same time! :-D

slatyb · Answer

White always makes the first move, except in checkers, where black moves first. I don't know about go.

HighValue · Answer

Women should since there are no serious consequences for them if the other person isn't interested.

fonduegirl · Answer

Women should, since they're more selective. And men are terrible at it. They either come off as creepy or extremely awkward.

genericname85 · Answer

I think the best rule of thumb is: if you have feelings, make a move. Simple as that. Don't make excuses to wait around.

Sal_Monella · Answer

In the modern scene, women should. Just don't overdo it

SotiCoto · Answer

Why bother trying to cage anyone into prescriptive roles? That is just stupidity.

msc545 · Answer

I very much appreciate it when a woman who is interested in me makes the first move but women rarely do that.

Anonymous · Answer

Guy. And should prove in actions about the relationship he wants. Ex : marriage if he’s looking long term

jahaims · Answer

Are you asking if you should flirt with someone you see as your brother

captain_voidwalker · Answer

The solution is simple. Noone makes any moves and we all die alone

Bigbro69 · Answer

I'd make the first move by inviting her on a date, then I'd take her out to eat and let her taste my sundae with my finger.

robocop666 · Answer

Women make the first move

Anonymous · Answer

I think girls should make the first move, they are less likely to be rejected.

dustybiker2 · Answer

You can spend your entire life waiting.

capriVib · Answer

the one who wants the most

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

Who wants things to move along.

Anonymous · Answer

I would infinitely prefer she approach.

blackeagle007 · Answer

No one should. Leave each other alone

Anonymous · Answer

It's the MeToo era so leave it to the ladies

Anonymous · Answer

Sure it'll always be the guy

Anonymous · Answer

99 percent of the time its the guy

Wise4myage · Answer

Guys.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

The man.

Who should make the first move?

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