Should I walk Away?

[Anonymous]

My partner and I have been together for 10.5 years. I’m 38 and he’s 50. We met when I was 26 and he was 39. He’s very old fashioned, is very goal driven and has high demands for himself and his relationship with me and his kids and does take care of me. Well over the years he’s asked me about my sexual past and I was not honest to him about it. (Yes I admit it’s wrong and I accept it.) I’ve never felt comfortable opening up about that and I’ve explained that to him. I’ve been with 15-20 men from age 14 to 26 and these were men I dated so no one night stands. I told my partner 5 as he judges women who have been “around” I’ve been faithful to him for all these years because I love him.

He finally got the truth out of me and was shocked and very upset to me that I lied. I also have male friends that I had contact with but never told him as he’s very jealous and suspects affairs. Everything came to light and in a nut shell… I betrayed his trust. I admit this was wrong and I was afraid to tell as he’s always judging people on their sexual history, finances, opposite genders being friends, etc.

We separated and didn’t speak for a few days. He started reaching out to me and we’ve been talking. He’s very cold and distant and I understand why. Recently he told me that things between us have changed and he’s not going to treat me the same and I am going to see that. He also said that I’m his property and he owns me. He also said that if I really am committed to him, I’ll do what he says, no questions asked.

I am a little concerned as I feel this is becoming into a possession or controlling. I admit my mistakes and accepted them and also if he wanted to end our relationship. I want him to be happy and find his peace or someone who can meet his standards. I guess my question is.. should I leave?

I know we’re not perfect and everyone makes mistakes but I don’t what to do..

[ManOnFire]

So he's upset because you lied about having more sex partners than you originally told him - 5. I can understand him being upset with you lying, but he's actually more upset with the fact that you had all those partners, and that's why he's now turning possessive.

I am not really sure what you should do, but I will say that you guys' age gap is a little much. Apart from that it's unclear what direction to take. It could get worse if he let's this thing eat him up too much, and then you probably should leave.

[Asker]

Thank you for the feedback.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah once you lie to someone he probably lost respect for you and seeing you the same way again is easier said then done. It’s hard to ever respect someone whose lied to your face.

Based on what he said. This relationship is over. Just cut your losses at this point

[Asker]

Thank you for the feedback

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome

[Cormac995]

The language he's using is un acceptable. Any man who would use the words "Owns you" is a piece of shit no exceptions because their is no context under which that sentence is ok. That is some of the most abusive language I've ever heard. He's basically saying you're his slave now because you lied. You're right you were wrong to lie to him about it but his response is beyond unreasonable. I personally wouldn't date you with that many bodies and if you lied to me about that for that long I'd have concerns about you cheating on me too and honestly would be considering divorce probably because this opens a massive can of worms emotionally. That said a guy who would ever use that kind of language does not deserve a partner. He's not your husband he's your abuser and you need to divorce him. If he has this kind of level of control over you and acts like this, he's a sociopath.

[RHK36]

Move on, you messed up. The world won't end and you'll meet someone else if you want.

[Asker]

Where that I did mess up and I accept it and I am taking accountability for it. As that is what I wrote.

[Asker]

I did not ask him to stay. I did not ask him to take me back because I knew this was my mistake. I gave him his space and did the no contact and he reached out to me.

[jcoffey612]

If he’s telling you that you’re his property then it’s time to move on. People are not property.

[In_Trance]

Yeah