I don't know if I should walk away?

[Anonymous]

Hello, I am finding myself in a very confusing position and I am looking for outsider opinions to help myself gain perspective. I meet my husband right out of high school, he was the first guy I had ever dated (strict parents and all) and I fell head over heels. The first years were great and most days I do genuinely feel like I found my person but it is becoming harder and harder to stay in love with the man in front of me. A few years into our relationship before we were even married he came clean about lying to me that he was a virgin when he was taking my virginity, we worked through this though, and continued on with life. Then it became clear that while I was growing my career he was very content and his work ethic/drive to accomplish more in life was not something he was passionate about. I personally paid for him to get a few different specialty licenses and go through the schooling needed for those. Each time it only took a couple of weeks before he felt as though that path was not for him. When we go on dates I always seem to be the one paying, when money gets tight I am always the one having to figure it out. I cook, I clean, I make sure everything is taken care of but I feel like I get almost nothing in return. Birthday gifts? Nope. Christmas gifts? Nope. Date Nights planned for us? HA, never, I am lucky to get dinner with him checking his phone constantly. I fell in love with him because we bonded over trauma, he made me feel safe from the abuse I suffered growing up but I just don't know if it is enough anymore. Anytime I try to have a conversation it turns into an argument. We never have fun anymore and quite frankly he is terrible in bed, he has never once made me climax. I feel like I have given my whole self to someone who can't even give me a small piece of them. I just don't know what to do. I genuinely love him and have tried so damn hard for 8 years to see if he will change but when do I say enough? And how do I start over?

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It sounds like he's "defaulted" you, meaning that he's made you the head of the household without discussing it with you. You're the default house caretaker, the default money manager, the default caretaker of him in general. I can see why he would take it personally if you bring it up and say "I feel like I'm doing everything and you're doing nothing" or something along those lines and I imagine he doesn't respond well to any perceived rejection. I doubt it's done with any malice, but I imagine he's also very much in a place where he's taking you for granted and you're clearly unhappy with that.

While he doesn't mean to hurt you, that doesn't lessen the fact that you are hurt and that it's because of what he did or didn't do with you. If you're not ready to walk away yet because you still feel like that love is something you want to try and cultivate, the last-ditch effort I would suggest is getting a marriage counselor or some kind of 3rd party mediator involved to help you communicate this without him making it personal. Sometimes people won't make changes until they realize they're about to lose what they have, but if you wanted to just walk away and start over without him that would be understandable too.

After my parents divorced, my mom moved into her own apartment and hopped around a few places for a while until she was able to afford her own home. She had her own struggles with dating, going online, paying for eharmony and stuff like that. But a really, really big thing that helped her was learning to be comfortable with being alone. When she was exploring who she was, she realized she was jumping from man to man to man after every relationship went south so she decided to stop and spend some time alone, discover who she was, take herself out on dates, do what she likes, find out what she likes and what she's good at that she never knew before. It can seem daunting at first, but it did a lot of good for her and I'm sure it would be good for you, too.

[kylee2437]

I think it’s time for you to walk away from this honestly. Because you have trauma that hasn’t been sorted out by a professional, you leaned onto him and the issue is, he may have slightly took advantage of your trauma from the very beginning.

[SlavicThor]

Wow, this sounds VERY unhealthy OP, I am sorry to hear that

In my opinion, you should leave, find someone who you deserve but that comes along with negotiating too. It's important to communicate what you want in a relationship and set boundaries the catch is to be prepared to follow through with them no matter what - this will lift weight off your shoulders because you're sticking up for yourself.

Tell him you will LEAVE if he does not try to make change. And I don't mean change himself but his toxic behaviours and attitude toward you if he truly values you.

If he does not agree to this... leave

[Anonymous]

Don't give too much importance to others over you... you will lose your importance in their life's..

Move on n starr nee chapter.

[Guy13]

If you don’t know then who goes?