What are some ways that dating apps could be changed to make them more useful for both men and women?

[Anonymous]

I think one really obvious way to change dating apps that would make them at least fairer would be to require women to list their weight and height in the same way that men are now required to do that in order to post on the app, or at least on most of them. Women already have enough advantages on dating apps without that one not being adjusted a bit. Maybe it would encourage more men to be on the app. I'm not sure.

In what ways do you think apps should be changed to make them fairer to men?

[HighValue]

1. Both genders should be charged the same amount.

2. There should be drop down selections for part of the profile and people should have to include their past history. For example, did they participate in casual sex, do they have contact with any ex, have they done drugs in their past, etc.

3. They need to ask what the expectations of sharing expenses are in a relationship because many women, no matter how much money they make compared to their partner, they still expect the man to pay for all bills/necessities, while she keeps all the money she earns for herself only. They also need to ask each person's views about prenuptial agreements.

4. Are they willing to relocate or not because realistically, whether someone lives 2,000+ miles away, or 50 miles away, for a relationship to actually be successful for long term, one of them has to eventually move in order to be together.

5. Political views need to be stated because in modern times, most political views have a lot to do with morals and moral compatibility.

6. Hobbies that they would like a partner to participate with them, and hobbies that they are fine with doing on their own.

7. Any pet allergies or pets they would not want to live with. Can't really expect someone to get rid of their pet that they had for many years for a new mate/partner because if they were willing to do that, how loyal could they really be?

[Asker]

well said!

[Anonymous]

I just answered this on another question.

Women. Women need to start using their heads more and their feelings less. This is where 90% of women make their mistakes.

Men. Men need ONLY show the same energy a woman shows him on online dating sites. Most women (at least 95%) on online dating site have no intention of dating ANY guy (save for that unicorn that they will NEVER find on an online dating app anyways but they're not realistic enough to accept it). Once guys realize the odds the next move is a no brainer. No guy should EVER message a woman first on any online dating app. Yes, that means your inbox will be empty a lot. But the good news is the women who message or more likely to be serious. I say "more likely" because YOU WILL still get your share of catfish and scammers. But again, as I said ONLY show any woman that messages you the same energy that she shows you. Men need to start treating online dating as the INVERSE to real life dating. This is the ONLY way online dating gets fixed.

[Asker]

Except that, of course, people don't change their behavior readily or easily, and while these are good suggestions, nobody is going to implement them. Try to think of some other things that you could do.

[Opinion Owner]

All you can do in life is control the controllables. And those are the things that YOU can do. And hope others follow suit. This is what I do. I guarantee you I take a whole lot less rejection than you. And I don't have a problem taking rejection. But I'm not going to give a app user the opportunity to reject me that never had any intention of dating me or anyone else. I can't speak for you, but I get plenty of offers WITHOUT contacting women first. And I KNOW when they contact me the majority are interested. You don't have to take my advice.👍 But it works for me.🙂

[Asker]

Let me try to understand that. You actually find that telling people how to behave is effective for you relative to women approaching you?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't tell people how to behave. I just know what I'm willing to tolerate. Every self respecting man or woman knows that. I ONLY suggested what you should do because you asked. You can do whatever you like. Whether you date or not is of no consequence to me. I'm just here to help, and you asked for help. But there is synergy when guys act together. If every guy, or at least a majority of guys took this advice, online games from women WOULD lessen. a lot of these women only do this because it works for them. If it stopped working for them they wouldn't do it. Keep in mind I said "MOST". Because it is estimated at least 10% of women dating profiles are catfish. Those people are never going away. You'll always have to contend with that nonsense. Fortunately catfish are typically lazy and easy to spot.

[Asker]

I was not asking for your help. I was asking, "What are some ways that dating apps could be changed to make them more useful for both men and women?" Even a very cursory reading of this should tell you that my question pertained to modifications to dating apps, not modifications to people's behavior, which is exactly what you were addressing in your response.

Given that, the truth is that you did not address my question. Would you like to do so now or did you want to continue ranting and making personal comments?

[Opinion Owner]

It would be pointless. You're not really listening anyways. You fail to grasp the most basic understanding when it comes to women on online dating apps. Most women DESPISE them. She considers it beneath her. Do you know how fruitless it is to talk to a hostile woman?😆 you ask her to list her WEIGHT let alone her height. She's going to skip it altogether.

[Opinion Owner]

You need to understand why women hate online dating apps. Women like PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY. Women cannot hide why they're on a dating app. In a bar she can say, "oh I'm just out with my friends". Giving her plausible deniability that she's looking to date. Women don't ever want to appear that way.😆 This is why Romany flat out start their bio, "oh, I'm just looking to see what's out there". She's letting you know from start point go that she's not serious and she considers all of this beneath her. So she wants you to convince her (like in a bar). Women NEVER want to appear on the same footing as a man. Equality? Not in this case.😆

[Asker]

I don't use dating apps, and I don't talk to hostile women. That being said, I also do not fail to grasp the basic understanding, such as you have stated, when it comes to women. I further understand that most people, both men and women, despise online dating apps, but men use them because they are desperate. I also think that a substantial number of women use them, and apparently, they don't consider it beneath them. (I think women use dating apps mainly for amusement and also because they get so much attention and use it for self-aggrandizement. What do you think about this issue? separately?)

If we ask women to list their weight, they will do what women always do: simply lie about it. They're not going to skip the app. They are going to lie about it. Try to get that through your head. The attention that they get has to be a fairly strong reinforcer for them, or they wouldn't be spending the money to get it.

Lastly, I want to suggest to you that if you wish to continue conversing with me, you do so in a civilized and gentlemanly fashion and knock off the hostility that you have been displaying. I'm not in the mood for it, my friend.

[beenherebefore]

There should be an option for people to only match with people who have the same interests and prefenrences as them as in if someone is looking for something casual they should only be able to match with people who want casual relationships or if someone is looking for a long term relationship or marriage they should only match with people with the same preferences.

[Asker]

Would people be able to pick and choose the preferences that they want to match with, or would it just be a fixed set of preferences? How exactly would this work? I mean, I'm really interested in the technical aspects of video cards, but I doubt that anybody else is.

[beenherebefore]

There should be options with toggles that you’re able to switch on and off like dating preferences: casual, long term relationship, friends with benefits, ons, marriage etc.

[Asker]

That is actually a pretty good idea. I could see it being a little complex to implement, but it might be worth doing. God knows what we have now is not worth much at all.

[beenherebefore]

I know it’s a complex thing to do and people would probably not have as many matches but it would prevent a lot people from being led on I guess and allow you to match with someone who wants the same as you to start with.

[FictionalCharacter]

I think there should be an uploaded video option. Where people can upload a short clip of a video with their adventures and hobbies.

[Asker]

I like this. It's a great idea!

[Chazmatazz269]

Dating apps are for the developers, not the users. It’s always about the money. Expecting anything more than constant pressure to pay for “upgraded” services is futile. This is especially true for men.
The apps are not meant to help you find a long term mate. It functions exactly the same as healthcare. If they give everyone the cure, they’d put themselves out of business. NOBODY is in business for the purpose of putting themselves out of business. The sooner you realize that, the better off you will be.

[AviatorTom]

One of the main issues with dating apps and dating sites is the large number of fake profiles, for both guys and girls. This leads to stalking, which is bad.

A means of user verification when a user signs up would be an excellent addition. Requiring a valid email address and a response to a verification email would help. Yes, I know that can be defeated, but it would in general make things better.

Requiring profile photos to be recent would also help. Most photos have embedded metadata that indicate when the photo was taken. This could easily be checked by dating app/site software when the photo is uploaded, and a notice posed on the photo if it's older than 2 years, for example.

I've told the story many times here on GaG how I met a woman on a dating site, agreed to meet her, and she was nothing like her profile photos, she was grossly obese.

[HawkPerception]

There are many dating apps that use AI photo identification now, and if your image that you take with a camera (as they get you to take different poses) does not match the facial structure in the photos on your profile, they prevent you from being verified. Some make this mandatory at the start and others give you a badge of verification that you're a real person.

[AviatorTom]

@HawkPerception That's a good idea. It's not just AI photos though, it's people posting their college picture from 20-30 years ago.

[HawkPerception]

Yeah but I'm saying with the new verification process, that wouldn't work because they would need to take a current photo of themselves to make sure it matches the images in the photos posted.

[inhahe]

I didn't know about the height/weight thing, but if that's true, then I agree, women should be have to list those things too. But I bet dating apps don't make them do it because men are desiring enough to pursue women even without knowing their dimensions, which increases activity on the site. And/or women would be put off by having to enter those details, and they don't have to because men will pursue them anyway, while men are desiring enough to go along with entering the details. And as long as there's a monetary incentive for a dating platform to do something that's not really beneficial to the whole, they'll do it, so probably any other solutions we can come up are only pipe dreams too.

That said, I've heard that dating sites have changed dating into like a checklist of objectified features that people either fill in or don't, making dating not only much harder but a lot less personal. And besides the features, you have to win them over in a little bit of conversation by being witty or whatever without anything else to go on. I'm not sure how you could solve that problem, though, except that one thing that I think might help and would be very beneficial in general would be to encourage uploading videos more. You can express so much more in a few seconds of your body language, voice, cadence, intonation, phraseology and unedited message than you could in years of pure text. That way, you could actually fall in love with the *person* or at least know whom you're getting into before meeting them or talking to them on the phone.

I've also heard horrible things about most dating sites being filled with bots posing as users, fake profiles, baiting messages being sent by website employees, etc., and I've personally noticed manipulative message notifications, manipulative service/pricing policies and checkout flows, and many many times more scammer profiles and messages than legitimate users. But again, all of those things sans the scammers are advantageous to the dating sites, so they're probably just not going to change any time soon. The scammers there may be ways to mitigate.

[Bitter_Sweet94]

Dating apps would work better if they

* Showed more personality (prompts, voice notes, videos).

* Used fairer algorithms so everyone gets visibility.

* Had features that spark real conversation.

* Verified users better.

* Matched people by intentions and values.

* Offered small offline events to meet naturally.

Simple changes, but they’d make the whole experience more human.

[Nikki1989]

By their complete and total removal. Maybe then people would put the phone down, go out, and socialize like civilized adults. That was the way for 100s of years, and people did just fine.

[HollyK21]

Exactly Nikki, dating apps are a complete shitshow and that’s why they’re decreasing so much in popularity. Go outside, find a hobby, let timing do it’s thing.

[SoccerPlayer99]

This.

[NervousIndividual]

I think that dating apps are making everyone more superficial, more focused on appearance, making us more picky, give us the illusion that there are more options available than in reality, and create a circumstance where men and women are thinking about dating each other from the outset when they should start off as friends. I believe we should not use dating apps, and I believe we should go about our lives and build friendships with those around us. We should then not have any intention of hooking up with the other gender, nor dating them, and learn about their character. In this manner, men and women can form meaningful friendships, without drama, and should two individuals become thoroughly acquainted with each other's character, they can date, and one day get married.

[TsundereMatrix]

I think they should have what Facebook Dating has and let people pick if they are seeking a long term relationship or just a casual one. It really sucks when you’re on a dating app looking for a potential long term partner and you finally find someone you click with only to find out they only want a fling and nothing serious.

[Awesomesauce2005]

Only if the app gave incentive to respond to messages from people you match with and penalties for not responding within a certain amount of time. I get 10 likes a day and none of the ones I match with respond to my messages even if they messaged me first.

[Anonymous]

There needs to a “verified interview” to screen out cat fish and scammers.

Also any “woman” who posts or even alludes to be a “cam girl” needs to be have their IP address banned for life by the dating app.

[LiamJHayden]

Really nothing. Without direct contact and observation, people will 95%+ of the time judge on appearance in the pics, passing over perfectly wonderful individuals in the process.

[Crankor]

The problem is the apps make people unrealisticly pickier than they would be in person. Making wrong assumptions about the other from not being good at advertising themselves "properly"

[Asker]

You have not answered the question of how you would make the apps better and how you would solve the problem you described?

[Crankor]

If i had to say, even though it won't fix the dating scene, they need to offer more assistance in conversation starters

[Asker]

Thank you for at least paying minimal attention to the actual question.

[Anonymous]

The gender ratio is extremely skewed some apps are 10% women. They should require a waiting list for men to even it out and then they can make their account is others are deleted. It would be annoying for the guys but worth it because they’d get more of a chance and the experience would be better.

[Sal_Monella]

If they told the truth about what they want. They don't.

[The-Stud]

Ban them altogether. Gender dynamics in the West is fcked up by so many factors that even a positive 'dating site' won't help.

[Anonymous]

Have both men and women get their height and weight checked and entered and their picture taken and uploaded by someone else to make sure it's all accurate.

[Anonymous]

More details about personality and preferences.

[Anonymous]

That’s a terrible idea. A much better idea would be to somehow test men to see who’s lying about wanting a relationship and ban the ones that lie.

[Asker]

I see and based on your completely objective post I take it you are now informing us all that women never lie? Is that the idea here?

[Opinion Owner]

There’s a big difference between fudging the details of your appearance and lying about wanting a relationship.

[Asker]

And you say that women never rely on wanting a relationship, correct? You mean to say that women are totally honest about that? Do you think women are totally honest about how much money they want and how much money they need? Do you think women are totally honest about who the real fathers of their children are? About their weight, are women totally honest?

[Opinion Owner]

Most are. And most women who are in a committed enough relationship to have children don’t cheat, so the father thing isn’t an issue.

[Asker]

My experience is that most of them lie. The father thing is a real big issue because women who cheat and get pregnant often go to the man who has the most money to raise their child and take care of them so they can cheat some more. Don't try and tell me that women don't cheat. Don't try and tell me that women don't lie. They do lots of bad things. This has a lot to do with why most men refuse to get married these days. You might have noticed that.