Do dating apps make modern dating harder instead of easier?

[Anonymous]

I’m starting to wonder if dating apps have actually made dating harder instead of easier.

In theory they give you access to thousands of people, but in reality it feels like you have to swipe through tons of fake profiles, inactive accounts, or people who aren’t really interested in meeting.

Some friends say they met their partner on Tinder, but others say it’s just bots and people promoting social media.

What’s your experience with dating apps?

[MrOracle]

The only people who are getting any real success from dating apps are the top 2% or so men, who can use dating apps as a source of easy and unlimited casual sex. And, I suppose you could argue that women who just want casual sex are also successful - and yes, they do exist.

But the vast, overwhelming majority of dating app users are worse off because of dating apps, and most reach the level of MUCH worse off.

Dating almost never works unless the people involved live locally to each other - with 15 minutes using whatever is the most efficient transportation available. But almost no one restricts their matches to just local matches because they want to be able to choose from the best in a 100 mile radius (or more), because they believe they will be able to get a high-quality match that way. But even if they get more matches, and a few of them are higher quality than what they can find locally, their chances of actually GETTING them, much less KEEPING them, is far worse. Because of dating apps, far fewer people are in relationships and fewer people in relationships are satisfied with their partner, because they (falsely) believe they can do better, when their real-world results prove that to be untrue again and again.

Dating apps give almost all users the ILLUSION of choice without ever delivering on that hope. But that should be no surprise - if dating apps were designed to succeed, they would put themselves out of business, and that's a terrible business model. It's a much more lucrative business model to string almost everyone along with false hope and keep taking their money forever, and point to the occasional success of a hot person as proof that they are really working on behalf of their users.

It's just a huge scam and a huge number of people have fallen for the con because they want to believe and can't accept the truth of their own outcomes.

[RingOfFire]

Before your time, when dating apps were a new thing, it was completely different. The vast majority of people on there were real. There were no such things a bots or AI fakes yet, and scammers didn't know enough about how it works to scam people. Then, I would say around the late 90s early 2000s, things started to change. Scammers and frauds discovered they could rip people off and started invading the dating sites. You are right to ask this question because today, a large percentage of the profiles on these sites are fake in one way or another.

I met quite a few girls on these sites back in those days and had a lot of good dates. And although I found that for me the real magic happened only with women I met by other means, it could have happened through a dating site just as easily. But just by luck it didn't. I did have some great dates with girls I met online though, so I enjoyed that part.

There is still probably some use for them. But especially as a female, be EXTREMELY careful. If you meet someone make sure it is in a very public place and I would say you should never be with them privately until you've had at lease 3 or 4 dates. If you see ANYTING that is a red flag... dump them.

[jennifer_bloom]

I think one reason dating apps fail is because it elevates expectations and lowers commitment and hard work. Before dating apps were invented, women and men who wanted to get married, would work on their education, personality, job, fitness goals, house keeping skills, life skills and background knowledge. Now, people think they don't have to do any work at all, they can just keep going on dates over and over until they find somebody who is naive enough to choose them. Surveys show over 40% of people under 30 believe they can personally make more money than a brain surgeon by achieving fame through social media. By the time they realize they were wrong, it's too late, they are too far behind in life to catch up to same age peers who worked legitimate jobs and cultivated legitimate personality traits.

[Simslover92]

I've had slight success on the dating apps. Found 3 matches. One started out great but he found someone else that matched him better. The second I found was a great guy also but we weren't really compatible. The last guy started out okay but turned out to be a nightmare.

So I've had success but not for long. I wouldn't recommend it. It's better to find someone organically.

[Cyfris]

So much harder because it gives people the ability to connect without consequence. You can just swipe right again with out your buddies girlfriend getting upset with you for ghosting her roomate for instance. This causes a certain amount of promisciousness that perpetrates mating outside what would be considered accepable ranges for pair bonding. Leaving us chasing a mating strategy similar to peacocks where the ones with the brightest feathers are over represented leaving less desirable women reaching higher then their arms are long and trying to hold on to things to heavy and less desirable males ignored. Where as if people had to date like in the 80s or sometime before and meet a nice person of the opposite sex via mutual friends people would have more incentive to make more vitruious choices and dance with the one that brung ya.

[BadApple69]

Yes apps make dating very difficult. It’s like going to a dinner for a meal but the menu is 192 pages long. Too many choices, most look good although you know it’s not as good as the picture.
Example: take a sweet, very nice girl who would make a wonderful partner but she is a 6. She could be the ideal girl for some guy but that guy will be looking through all the 9s and 10s and being rejected by all of them.
But that same guy and girl met in real life who knows what could happen.
I’m not a fan of dating apps.

[Anonymous]

I think social media (THIS SITE) makes dating harder in general. Because it re-inforces already held beliefs in the opposite gender. I try to tell guys as much as I can DO NOT use this site as a basis for all women. You'll never want to date ANY woman again if you do that. Understand that there are terrible women on it but there is only a small segment of them that hate all men and will actively discourage you. A majority of them are a mixture of immature and just don't learn from mistakes very quickly. You still have to be cautious with those and some will end up being lost causes. But they're not unsalvageable yet.

Go outside, touch grass, and take all online dating with a grain of salt. Be a genuine honest person, but be prepared for the other person on the other side of the computer screen not to be. And don't put any effect of that on the next person you talk to.

[OneViewpoint]

I think unlimited choice is ultimately bad for 99% of the population.

• People won't make a decision if they can keep swiping left all day.
• There is always someone better about to pop up.
• People miss out on developing social skills if they are hiding behind a phone screen.
• Lying about your height, looks, age, or whatever has never been easier.
• Etc. etc. etc

[MontBlanc]

I think dating apps made meeting people easier, but they also made dating more complicated.

They expand your social circle and give access to people you might never meet otherwise.

But the endless options can also create a “shopping mindset,” where people keep wondering if someone better is one swipe away.

So in some ways, dating apps increased opportunities, but they also made genuine connection harder to focus on.

[HighValue]

Think of this: Dating sites make money by keeping people single. If someone finds a compatible partner, they don't need to pay to be on the site anymore. So, the site you pay actually loses money if they help/let you find someone, but they make more money by preventing you from finding someone compatible. They are incentivized to do the opposite of what you pay them for.

[slatyb]

They made it a lot easier for me after divorcing, as I didn't know many people at the time. Also I was searching for a non-religious woman in a generally religious city, so just meeting and hitting on strangers wasn't likely to be successful. Now I'm married to a woman who contacted me on Match just as I was about to let my subscription expire.

[MikeMcMansion]

Lol! It’s always been harder for guys since the Invention of them! I mean, if you were a 7+ and said the right things, It was easier plus, I had her back then. But Girl, if you didn’t know, it was harder for 85% of those guys out there since it’s invention you’ve been under a rock

[MikeMcMansion]

I mean when it first started like around 2008-2012 it was easy for guys, but I’d say around 2012 it’s been very difficult for 90% of guys, and women have developed a kind of a sex-romance chasing addiction of sorts if you ask me, and they’ve been abusing the privileges they’ve got from just being female and having this technology in such a peaceful and egalitarian feminist society (s).

[Anonymous]

Yeah. They have advertisements and are designed to keep you in there. Most guys have very little luck. I've had maybe 3 or so prolonged conversations in there. I'm not very good at selling myself, and feel like I would have to over embellish myself.

[MissSunshine2]

Well, I met most of my boyfriends online, with the exception of about two of them, which happened to last longer usually. Yes, I think that dating apps make dating harder and not as fun, in general.

[Abbycado]

I have not used one. I do know people that have and in general, the consensus is that they aren't very good. That is just from a small group of friends that have tried it.

[Loki97]

Harder because it gives unrealistic expectations. And lets a woman curve 100 guys in her league before she swipes right on the 1 guy out of her league.

[lightbulb27]

For sure, dating today is beyond awful. some are successful, it generally takes hard work.

[capriVib]

It's not a suitable app for long-term relationships.

[Berethor]

I didn't met good people on dating apps, I met better people here, I messaged them.

[Alex-Snow]

I have fortunately never had the need for them. So I'm hoping to avoid them

[Crankor]

They ruin the whole idea of what dating is suppose to be