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19F and 19M.
I got the feeling that my crush liked me (spoiler alert: he doesn’t). I thought I’d test the waters by talking about my crush to him. I never mentioned the name even though he asked twice. He started talking about his crush too. He said he liked two people, never mentioned any names. I asked one of my close friends to ask him if I’m one of his crushes and he said no.
I told him I stalk my crush’s reposts every single day, the songs I post on my IG notes are about my crush and I told him about a very specific emoji my crush used and I asked two of my friends (our mutual friends who also happen to be very close to me) if he used that emoji with them and they said no. I saw that he had commented that emoji in a random Instagram comments section under a music video and thought that was a sign and all that. I told him everything. He asked me if the crush was intense and I said yes. He used the same emoji I’d mentioned to him the same day while saying good night (that he hadn’t used with me in weeks) so I think he got the hint that it was about him.
We talked again the next day and again, the conversation was very intense. It was about my crush and how he was giving me mixed signals and all that and he told me that no man is ever worth my tears and that I was gorgeous with an amazing personality and deserve better. The next day, we didn’t talk much and I think he was distancing himself from me given how intense I was the past two days. I bombarded him with funny reels because I thought I was losing him as a friend. I stopped after that day and the next day he asked me if I was okay because I hadn’t gone to college. I said I was sick and that was about it.
I don’t know if he knows he’s my crush but I do think I was being very creepy. My friends are tired of me and I’m hurting so much.
I just want to be his friend. Did I ruin everything?
I got the feeling that my crush liked me (spoiler alert: he doesn’t). I thought I’d test the waters by talking about my crush to him. I never mentioned the name even though he asked twice. He started talking about his crush too. He said he liked two people, never mentioned any names. I asked one of my close friends to ask him if I’m one of his crushes and he said no.
I told him I stalk my crush’s reposts every single day, the songs I post on my IG notes are about my crush and I told him about a very specific emoji my crush used and I asked two of my friends (our mutual friends who also happen to be very close to me) if he used that emoji with them and they said no. I saw that he had commented that emoji in a random Instagram comments section under a music video and thought that was a sign and all that. I told him everything. He asked me if the crush was intense and I said yes. He used the same emoji I’d mentioned to him the same day while saying good night (that he hadn’t used with me in weeks) so I think he got the hint that it was about him.
We talked again the next day and again, the conversation was very intense. It was about my crush and how he was giving me mixed signals and all that and he told me that no man is ever worth my tears and that I was gorgeous with an amazing personality and deserve better. The next day, we didn’t talk much and I think he was distancing himself from me given how intense I was the past two days. I bombarded him with funny reels because I thought I was losing him as a friend. I stopped after that day and the next day he asked me if I was okay because I hadn’t gone to college. I said I was sick and that was about it.
I don’t know if he knows he’s my crush but I do think I was being very creepy. My friends are tired of me and I’m hurting so much.
I just want to be his friend. Did I ruin everything?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
10Opinion
Maybe he just needs some time to think it through.
When I was in college, I had 3 best friends, Mark, Marc and Jennifer. Jenn was GORGEOUS and I had a heavy crush on her but, she was going steady with Mark, however, she eventually told me that she actually had a crush on Marc and she was actually interested in him from the start but figured she'd never get him so, she settled on Mark.
One day, Mark comes up into the art office on the third floor of the clubs building (a 6 or 7 story mansion) and he's got Jenn with him. She's been crying and trying to sort things out with Mark about how she actually loves Marc. Mark works part time on the first floor and can't get anything done with her crying so, he thought it might do her good to come talk to me. She said that she didn't know what to do because she didn't want to hurt Mark but was in love with Marc. She even considered jumping out the art office window, which was a 5 story drop (there's at least 2 basements in this old mansion), either that or she was going to become a nun! Once I settled her down, I told her that she should just tell Marc how she feels. Within a day or 3, she did and Marc was actually stunned to the point where he signed himself into the psych ward at a hospital about a mile away because he just needed time to think this through.
He spent 4 or 5 days there and when he got out, he accepted her offer and they stayed together for the next few years. I have no idea why they eventually broke up but they were still friends. Marc moved out west and got married. Jenn is still here somewhere and never got married. Mark was hitchhiking out west to visit Marc one day and a passing semi got too close and killed him.
Wow that’s one hell of a story. RIP Mark, my condolences.
I replied to one of his stories and he seems to be acting normally. Can I still be friends with him? Like closer friends?
Also do you think I was creepy
Thanks (for Mark).
I'm sure you can be friends. Jenn stayed best friends with me even after I asked her to marry me. and even after she got real pissed at me, one time for being in her house when she wasn't home. A year or two later, my band was playing a gig right next to the campus she and Marc transferred to and they both showed up to see us. After the show, Marc told me it was completely her idea to come see us, he didn't even know we were there.
Love makes you do things that some might think of as creepy but, in the context they were done, it's not really creepy,
Like, the night I was in Jenn's house and she found out, I suppose she thought that was creepy and got really pissed at me and refused to have anything to do with me ever again until a few weeks later. We ended up in the same art class and, one day, after class, I decided to surprise her with a birthday cake on her b-day. She loved that but still kept her distance from me for the rest of the semester although, we COULD chat very briefly if need be. But, I did absolutely nothing bad or perverse when I was in her house. To my way of thinking, we were such incredibly close friends and loved, cared about and respected each other the same way that it wouldn't matter at all to either of us that the other was in their house. We even went skinny dipping in my pool, one night.
I went up to visit her one morning and found that she wasn't home so, I decided to sit on the porch and wait for her. What I forgot was that if I missed the use of my bus transfer to get back home, I was stuck there because I didn't have enough bus fare on me to get back home. While waiting, I decided to start writing a movie script and I lost track of time and missed my bus. I sat on her porch from about 11:00 a. m. to about 9 or 10 at night just writing except the short trip I took to the store to get something to eat.
By the time it got dark, I decided she's not coming home and I better get inside and try to call Marc to help me get back home. He said, it was a good thing I called because they weren't planning on coming to her place that night!
Well, the last time she invited me to her place, a few weeks before, she lost the keys to her front door so, I decided we should go around back to find a way in. She had sliding glass doors next to her bed but they were one story up and she had no way to climb up to them so, I did, opened them and went to the front door to open it from the inside.
So, I did that this time, too. I was very hungry and had to pee so, I climbed in, called Marc, used the bathroom, took a couple chocolate chip cookies she had in her cupboard, I could've eaten them all but, I figured she was gonna have some for lunch the next day so, I only took 2. And, to repay her for the cookies and the use of the phone and bathroom, I washed her dishes for her. When she got home and found me inside waiting for her, she was supremely pissed. She wouldn't even listen to me tell her why I was in her house! Marc drove me back home or at least as far as Downtown and gave me a buck to pay for bus fare. I don't recall which.
Looks to me like you can still be friends and didn't ruin everything.
He’s still replying to my messages but he’s not initiating convos anymore. He’s also stopped liking my stories and posts
At this point, I would say, just let it be and if IS still interested in any way, he'll get back to you. If not, I guess there's nothing there.
I don't know enough to help with THIS relationship, but in general, you shouldn't do this coy crush crap. If you tell a man you have a crush, almost all men are going to assume the only reason you would tell us is because it is not us. If we think we know you aren't interested in us, we are going to try to move on. If we find out later you meant us, we will likely have already moved on and not want to deal with your games anymore. The games women play are some of men's most hated things. It's one thing to try to give nonverbal signs that you like a guy, it's another to use words and make a game out of it.
He doesn’t like me so it doesn’t matter anyway. I asked one of our mutual friends to ask him if he likes me and he said no.
1) My advice wasn't for this guy
2) You think guys always tell the truth, even to their friends, especially around feelings?
Is it ok if I send you a DM? I’m not a creep I swear. I just don’t want to give out more info on a public website where anyone could stumble upon this
Unlike a lot of people, I am firmly for people doing whatever they want, especially online. If something bothers me, I'll do what I want. (I almost never block people).
If that's not clear, I'm saying go ahead
Could you send a hi? My Xper is apparently too low to text people first
Can't. "This user allows messages from followings only"
Just followed you
That was a dangerous game to play. Even though you don't tell names, the looks, the behavior and the facial expressions say a lot. He must have realized that he was the crush and since the crush was not reciprocated, he closed like an oyster.
Now, talking so much and intensely about a crush in front of the actual crush but pretending it is someone else is a clear sign that this someone else can only be the one you confessed. That was another mistake you should have avoided to make.
No, you did not ruin everything but you left a serious dent. Best is not to talk about it anymore and continue as if nothing had happened. He may have a crush on someone else but relationships are done and undone in a blink of an eye. Don't lose hope. Good luck.
This was through text. We didn’t talk about this IRL. So what do I do now? Continue talking to him as if nothing happened?
When you say “relationships are done and undone in the blink of an eye” do you mean our friendship can’t be salvaged anymore?
No, that is not what I meant. I did mean to say that even though he seems to have a crush in another person, that crush may be over and that he is "free" again.
Continue to text him. Your friendship is not over yet but try not to insist about your crush and talk about something else. Try to know what his interests are and direct the conversations towards these topics. If he notices you like what he does, that may cause the friendship to develop.
That's what happens when you can't communicate clearly like a normal person and do stupid mysterious game playing bullshit. He probably liked you but thought you were taking about another guy. You should have just told him you liked him, instead of beating around the bush and playing stupid games with all that mysterious silly indirect bullshit. Learn how to communicate like a sincere direct person if you want the results you are looking for.
But I’m afraid of rejection. When one of our mutual friends asked him if the person he has a crush on is me, he dodged it. He was like “I’m not ready to disclose it. At least not rn” and then when the friend pressed about it, he gave in and came out. He’s apparently into a guy and a girl.
The girl isn’t me by the way
no cause if he isn't interested in you, there was never anything to ruin to begin with. but what may have heppened is that you just developed a bunch of heavy emotions without getting him on the same page. and that can be overwhelming which would explain him pulling back at this point. but it could also be him not wanting to string you along. so i guess if i was to give an adive here, i'd say take some pressure off. try to make small incrimental steps instead of a giant leap. cause he may follow the small incremental steps but the giant leap seems too extreme.
I think he suspects something because I might’ve HEAVILY hinted that it’s him. He’s lowkey pulling away from me. He’s still replying to my texts, but he’s not initiating convos or anything. He’s stopped liking my posts and stories
Did I ruin my friendship with him
If you're crushing you don't wanna be friends. He probably knows that.
Just talk to him IRl and say that you just want to be his friend and nothing more... not a girlfreind... not someone to have sex with. Stop talking about each others crushes, there are plenty of other things to talk about
Wouldn’t that be awkward? Like why would I randomly say that
Not really. It is ok to talk about your expectations and yes sex ofc. But focus on present and the future
Why be so cryptic?
If he does like you he might be hurt that you like someone else because who’s gonna guess you’re talking about him in the third person
Just tell him
I think he suspects something because I might’ve HEAVILY hinted that it’s him. He’s lowkey pulling away from me. He’s still replying to my texts, but he’s not initiating convos or anything. He’s stopped liking my posts and stories
If he’s single and you’re single you should just go for it anyway
Nothing will hurt more than seeing him starting to date someone else
I promise you that
I think you're still ok, just let things cool down a couple of days. I know it's hard.
Thank you sm! From a guy’s perspective do you think I’m a creep?
No, I don't. You just need to take it slower.
Thank you. Do I just send reels and stuff for now? His close friend is also lowkey pulling away from me and I don't know why 😭 I feel like no one likes me
You're 19. I know you think this matters now, but it doesn't. Not at all.
I'm not all that sure there was anything to ruin!
How do you say that? Wasn’t I being very creepy? I also told him I pulled away from my crush because he was super excited about getting another girl for secret Santa, calling her pretty and praising her for her voice and all that when they’d had one singular conversation only. He told me his crush pulled away from him too. Like I don't know maybe I was too intense?
I feel like a creep
Just be fucking direct and tell him ant your feelings and if he wants to go out. Stop being indirect and playing games
He doesn’t like me
lol u need to be direct for that.
It u are so fucking insecure u play games. No guy gonna like games
Maybe you still have a chance.
No. He’s very confusing I don't know what’s going on. He told my friend he has a shot with one of his crushes and with the 2nd one he doesn’t. Both of his crushes appear to be in relationships so I don't know how he thinks he’s got a shot with either of them. It’s confusing and I feel like he might be lying about one of them being his crush.
I guess you're right, he is a bit confused.
Yeah. Move on