"How to Find Mr. Right" question for a young friend?

[DishLady]

A young friend met up with me for dinner and insisted "I want to meet my husband this year." She was very depressed bc she's on all the apps (which she showed me and ZOWIE... I had NO IDEA there were SO MANY of them) and she claims she gets NO HITS.

in my opinion the desperate energy is stinking up her dating vibes. It's the only explanation I had for her bc she's REALLY got everything going for her...

• 28 gorgeous "nubian queen" looks (huge eyes and brilliant smile, curvy bombshell bod, great posture and energy).
• SMART AF -- and highly educated -- but equally modest, not stuck up or putting on airs.
• Such FUN energy and such a blast to be around.
• Well mannered, sporty, flirty, all that.
• Kind and into outreach and other stuff that helps others.

Guys, anyone would be lucky to have a gal like this... But she keeps going for the wrong guy...

• the "lowest rung on the ladder" guy...
• the pasty white guy who wants nothing to do with her (and wouldn't know which end of a gal was up in any case)...
• the uneducated guy with the big wallet...
• the personal trainer who hits on all his clients...

She's spiraling and complaining that there's "no right guy" for her. I tried explaining that she needs to stop even addressing these guys and "reboot" her energy in the new year.

I think her strength is in in-person interactions and not the apps, where no one sees her remarkable spirit and energy... What can she do to turn things around and meet a. guy who will actually WANT and APPRECIATE her?

[OlderAndWiser]

1. When I hear about a wonderful woman who has no luck in dating, or always picks losers, I always suspect that she has low self-esteem and suffers from a chronic low-grade depression. Do you think that is a problem for the young lady?

2. What is her physical activity level? When I was young and in her position, I started running and soon was running five miles per day. I felt great and had much more confidence.

3. What are her interests? What activities would she enjoy doing with a partner? Does she have strong political beliefs? If so, participating in the Young Democrats or Young Republicans will expose her to men who are more likely to be in the track to success. Is she a college grad and is there a booster club for her school in your area? The Jaycees is another organization that will put her around successful young men.

[DishLady]

I think it's not so much low self esteem, but desperation and not understanding her value. She DOES go for guys with her (CLAIMED) interests, but they're not into her.

[HawkPerception]

Did it enlighten you to see how many people use dating apps? 😂 Roughly 35—40% of adults have used dating apps in North America. 56—65% are in the 18—29 age range. 47—49% are in the 30—49 age range. 20—28% are in the 50—64 age range. And 15—20% are in the 65+ age range.

To answer the question though, I'll be blunt. If she's not getting any matches on dating apps, there are only 2 possible reasons. One is that she's either too picky. Two is that her profile is not very attractive to men. Women have a much easier time finding matches online than men.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/9547hkXTGHw

If she'd like an opinion on how to create a dating profile that would attract men, I can help. However, if she's looking to meet people in person, then she's in good hands with you.

[Tigress1039]

There’s so many men so I guess you would need a fool proof quick method and distinguishing the right man from the wrong man. Let’s start of by saying you need to know what you want in a man first before you can spot those qualities in him

[Spencer10]

I would strongly advise her to abandon the world of Apps and online dating. Concentrate on the real world. Be active not passive. Do not wait for Mr Right... go out and find him. In my opinion too many women are passive... fortune favors the bold.

[DishLady]

Yes. Plus she brings dead energy to the table (staying on the apps the whole time we were talking) and picks dead places to hang out (empty bistro in the middle of nowhere with only one other table… 8 guys prepping for a night (ahem) together).

We could have gone to ANY of the places we’d passed that were hip and potential to meet folks. But no.

[Spencer10]

Apps seem to be a curse for women.

[DishLady]

Not me. I don’t partake. I can’t buy an apple online, you think I’d be confident shopping for a whole human? Smh. Hard pass.

Plus I do ok in person. A guy just asked me to meet up later this week. Simple.

[JSmuve]

Nothing. She's cooked. She can't be everything you described because if she was, some guy would've snatched her up already. If any guy would be lucky to have her, then would already have her. There's definitely something that's pushing guys away, either looks or personality.

[DishLady]

I'm telling you, she really IS. And I've known her a while too, I can vouch for her being a total sweetie.

i think it's literally just her desperation vibe that's tripping her up.

[BADGER44]

ok then stop looking for 6 months and it just might happen in 3 months. its when not looking is when love shows up... but women should have no problem with it... you dictate it... i recall a nice woman long time ago i might have asked her. out. but her co worker was trying to fix her up. so i stayed away.. she was cute. but i didn't need the hassel. all would watch us. i was big into nascar then when to that bar she worked. as. you could bet on the drivers. and it was fun. so we had something in common... but it can scare guys off. if its all talked about. and she's getting guidence from others. just take a break. it might happen...

[DishLady]

@BADGER44 It's not something I'm doing. I'm literally old enough to be this gal's mom. I just don't understand why not one person has asked to connect with her.

[BADGER44]

maybe cause married is the objective. and it should be to have fun then you get to know each other fall in love. its not a sprint. its a marathon. marriage is. you just can't rush it. i know you know this... sorry i can't be more help. sure shell be fine. i have a simular friend she's 29. last yr. so she's now 30... she's all excited now. she found this guy who she's excited about sounds great for her. she's into bowling. she found a cute good guy. whos a really good bowler. she's not she says. the point is something in common. now she's. just having fun. all last yr she was desperate... she's super busy with 2 jobs and now going to school. super skinny too. tons of energy. fun. she's finally lost that desperate stage... maybe your friend will too...

[DishLady]

@BADGER44 Yes, THIS i agree. I don't know how she is planning marriage when she is not even dating anyone.

[TakingitEasy15243]

I don't know, all I can suggest is the generic things of starting at a guy and smiling for him to approach but let it be with intention. Dating apps are usually really good for women so its surprising to hear its not working for her. I've heard of the predicament of guys settling to sleep with less attractive women on there and women thinking its the type of guy she can actually get when all they want is to use her. Dating these days are hard and I'm pretty sure most people are struggling

[DishLady]

That’s what I thought as well. She has ZERO hits so there’s something on there that’s not working for her.

PERHAPS (as our guy friend implied) she LOOKS too hot to be accessible? I don't know. I don’t have that problem irl and I don’t use the apps… have never needed to.

[TakingitEasy15243]

No, guys will go for the prettiest girls statistically whether in range or not. Also they did a study where guys will usually go 20% down. Same study showed girls on average go 20% up. Although men go for 20% up as well but also will date down for the hookup. IRL is always best though

[DishLady]

I just can't explain it, then. I feel so sad for her. :(

[Staximus]

She keeps going for the wrong guy and wants to set a deadline to meet her future husband this year. Sounds like a surefire way to rush into a bad marriage. She needs to figure out how to pick better guys and nevermind the stupid deadline. Getting married is not a race to see who doesn't finish last. After having kids, it's the next biggest life changing decision pretty much.

[DishLady]

It’s not so much the deadline as the desperation that’s concerning to me. She’s super directionless in terms of who to choose bc she’s now just so desperate from feeling undesirable to anyone on the apps…

[worldscolide]

Before I met my wife, I was definitely Mr wrong. I have zero issues admitting that. I fucked up so badly in prior relationships. Save for the one where I suffered abuse.

For a man to be Mr right he needs to meet someone who he wants to be Mr right for.

[DishLady]

I guess I'm asking more what SHE can do to meet her Mr. Right, though.

[Zack-Bann]

You answered it yourself
She’s going for Mr Wallet and Mr Spray Tan
Basically leading by her lust instead of a true mental connection


Also, and i don’t mean to be offensive saying this, but your description of her involved a lot of fancy words
When describing someone like that you’re typically trying to avoid saying they’re overweight


If so, she should work on losing the weight


From what I’ve seen all good things tend to be handed to slim girls without much effort


It’s unfair, biased, and a little sad.
But almost always true

[jshm2]

lol, she is hardly the catch, then.

Just like girls can spot a thirsty loser from across the room, so it is with guys able to spot drama girls from across town.

She is likely going to end up a loner cat lady. You best let her earn that money so she can afford to buy that cottage in the woods she will retire into.

She is not worth fixing, and is being a vampire on your time and energy.

[DishLady]

She’s a drama girl?

[Ironco]

Tell her to take a break for awhile... She's 28... it will happen.

[DishLady]

I did but she's panicked.

[live2dance25]

Stop using dating apps. I’ve literally had more girls ask me out just locking eyes at a Best Buy, drive-in movie, convenience store, or even waiting in line to get flu meds at a pharmacy. Never had any luck with online dating.

[exitseven]

All I can say is that you will not meet him in a bar.

[DishLady]

Lol. No, indeed. Mr Right Now is the guy at the bar.

[Anonymous]

Bin the apps they're just a money making tool of oppression

Meet real people and socialise or if she must use a dating agency (1 on 1 and more elite)

[Anonymous]

I'm looking for Miss Right, but such girls are really not easy to find.