If you’re shy and lack social skills the app won’t save you
It’s not a magic bullet
It’s just a virtual bar you can have in your pocket
But you still gotta do all the work to get a girl
In a real bar you show up dressed nice and looking good
On an app you need photos that paint the same picture
In real life you need conversation skills to charm a woman
On the app you need texting skills which are basically the same thing
It’s not the apps that don’t work it’s you.
Otherwise the apps would have disappeared
Yet dudes get laid off of apps every day
So instead of blaming the tool itself start working on the product you’re selling which is yourself
Get in shape, get groomed, get nice clothes.
Practice conversations as often as you can
You’ll get there.
I know because I started out shy and antisocial as well
And now I can’t complain my results are good
You think it’s so damn easy! You people don’t understand
I don’t think it. I know it.
I’m only a couple of years older than you.
We grew up in the same generation and dealt with the same problems.
I got laid off the apps plenty
I even got into relationships off the apps as well
It wasn’t “easy” but it was not as difficult as so many people want you to think it is
It’s impossible! I don’t get matches on dating apps or messages! And no genuine girl is ever interested in me!!
People don't know what to say anymore when you keep asking them what to do but you won't do anything to improve yourself of your situation so you can date successfully. There's only so much people can take. Ultimately you're responsible for your own progress in this area, and every area of your life. People will help you up to a point, but if you're not doing anything productive, they get tired of hearing about it.
I’m fine, what can i do to improve myself?
Because that is the fastest way to meet people who want a relationship (or whatever you’re after) as you can see poeple’s preferences and hobbies, and same goes for them. I could help you with setting up a dating profile or having a look at your profiles to see what been holding people back from swiping right on you
I don’t ever get matches tho! Dating apps don’t work!
I did it many times for few months, i got nothing. So i just deleted it because it took up space from my phone
No? I can do it for months; nothing, i don’t see a point because if it takes years then you ain’t getting one.
It took years tho. I’m already 26! Years? So when I’m almost 40? My parents met when they were in their 30s and had me when they were almost 40. I don’t want that.
I can’t even experience young love anymore because I’m already 26. And the older you get, it’s not fun anymore. It’s not cute anymore. And they start having too much expectations the older you get. Also you can’t have kids because you’re gonna be too old
Well i can tell you even at 22 years old people still have to meet their potential partner’s expectations to be considered. Even at 18 years old, there are always expectations. Even at 15. How much expectations is too much? And also, can you define young love? I can tell you i have met people in their 50s and 40s who still find relationships fun and cute once they met the right person. Your parents also had you at 40, and here you are existing, so how comes being 40 is considered “too old” to be able to have kids?
Because i am way younger than my parents. My dad is gonna be 69 this year and i’m only 26 turning 27! And if i don’t get a partner soon he won’t be at my wedding nor will he see his grandchildren.
Also you never heard of the clock? And the older you get, the more risk there is when having kids
Well i mean i get where you’re coming from, doesn’t that mean you need to be more consistent in searching instead of giving up because it will “take too long”? Also, do you mainly want a partner because YOU want a partner and kids someday (because that is something you want), or is it mainly because your dad wants to see it happen? What if your dad is not there at your wedding, would you just choose to not ever have a partner or kids because he wouldn’t be there? I understand it’s sad as hell to think about your dad not able to be there when you made it, but it doesn’t mean you should give up.
And by the way you could always freeze your sperm if you fear you would be too old once you have a partner. But what if you are unable to have kids? Does that mean you should give up on finding a partner?
I want a partner because i want my own family someday. But it feels impossible cuz no girl has ever been interested in me!
Good to hear you are searching for a partner because you want a family someday, not just because your dad wants to see it happen. A family doesn’t always need to have kids involved, by the way. And some women don’t want to have kids, so maybe readjusting that expectation will help especially when you are still struggling to take care of yourself on a daily basis. Plus, if you want to have a girl you gotta be at least know how to cook as women (and also men-if your option is open), don’t want to end up having to take care of a partner like how parents do with children. You also gotta learn how to support a partner in the home when it comes to home maintenance, with equal distribution of chores around the house, including cooking as not everyone have indefinite amount of money to spend on takeout for every meal for the rest of their lives. Women also need to know if you could do basic things to support yourself… i know you mentioned cooking is hard and it could cost more to fix it than to order takeout… that’s something you need to address. Even 1 meal counts. And again, i know you mentioned you have difficulties with learning new things, maybe try high-level autistic friendly cooking videos and demonstrations online. Improving that will help with your confidence, as women can sense low confidence from a mile away. Also, instead of saying “i can’t do it”, try rephrasing better when someone ask, you can always say you have difficulties doing it instead of “can’t”.
I don't know how to cook. I have medical conditions! Most things i can’t do
Searching is a strong word. I can’t find one and i wouldn’t know where to start! Yea…I would never date someone who doesn’t want kids. Just the two isn’t a family.
Which medical condition do you have that prevent you from cooking (or making non-cooking meals/snacks), if you don’t mind me asking?
And yea i’m not saying you have to date someone that doesn’t want kids as you’re already uninterested in them, but two can definitely make a family. I’m also Asian and from an Asian family, my entire life my parents and relatives stressed the “need” of having children to become a “real family”, but they realized two can definitely make a family as we started to have couples in the family who are physically unable to have kids. I have a woman for a partner now and my family do considered me and my girl as a family, and lifts a lot of heavy weight off my chest. Are you also pressured by your family to have kids to be considered as a family?
And Do you only want kids just because for the title of being a “real family” according to culture?
I have learning disabilities. Cooking requires consistency otherwise you just waste ingredients and make bad food. And i can’t eat snacks cuz it upsets my stomach for some reason.
I have medical conditions i was born with em, It’s genetic so my doctor and my parents are worried if i ever have kids.
Also i want kids because they’re cute and it seems nice
Sounds tough, also I’m just wondering, how do think you will feel and react if your kid also has special needs and require you to care for them 24/7 at least until they are 18? Do you think you are capable of cooking for them, cleaning after all their mess, monitoring their learning progress, and be the person that they can rely on to co-regulate whenever they have a meltdown?
I would hope my future kid turns out better than i did.
He has the support he needs, and hope he won’t have the medical conditions i have.
I know it sounds tough but… you have to be prepared if your kid has the same or some of the medical condition that you have especially when it’s genetic. Even if you have a perfectly healthy kid, you would still need to care for them the way your dad cares for you at least for the first 5 years of their life (those years can be the hardest, you would need to do everything for them and tend to them every minute of your time) as infants and toddlers for sure can’t do these things, they can’t even wipe their own butt, and for sure will throw up on you at some points (because they just can’t control it… it’s just normal kids things). Do you think you could dedicate every second of your life to your kid the first 5 years of their life?
I would have a wife tho. That’s the mother’s job. My dad barely did much when i was young, my mom did basically everything.
That is another issue that you have, thinking it’s the woman’s job to care for kids. Why do you think women want a partner before having a kid? It’s because they want to make sure they have support in caring for the kid, if they have to do it on their own they would just be a single mother since it’s more peaceful that way. I know women who have divorced men because their husband refuse to be involved. Men like that are called deadbeat dads. And by the way i’m sure your dad wish he was more involved in raising you rather than having his wife do all the work. Personally i love my girlfriend and if we have kids i would not let her handle all of the hard work because i’m not a monster.
I would say taking responsibility and trying to be better, trying to be the bigger person, and continuously improving yourself, is the best way to approach it if you want to have a girlfriend. Women are smart, and free, they don’t want to deal with situations where they would have to raise a child like a single mother while having a husband
Well if it was the man’s job, why did my mother mostly raise me? I’m more closer to her than to him! And she died 10 years ago this march!
You clearly have no idea how difficult my life is. Wdym improve myself? I have medical conditions and both physical and mental disabilities.
It’s both partner’s job, it’s not solely a woman or a man’s job. Your mother raised you mostly on her own because she is your parent and your dad didn’t take on the fair share of the work. If she care for you fully, noone would have done it and you would have suffered from neglect.
If you truly love your mom, do you think you would wish she didn’t have to take on all the responsibilities that should have been shared equally between both partners so she could have time to care for herself and her health? Just because your dad did not participate in raising you for the most part during your childhood, it doesn’t mean you have to follow the same path.
Do you want your kid to be close to you? Do you want to set good examples for your son and daughters? Do you want your kids to be happy in a relationship where their future partner equally contribute in the child rearing process?
I understand your life is hard and you have mental and physical disabilities, that doesn’t mean you can’t self-reflect and try to challenge the way you see women. You see women in a very negative and dehumanizing way, you think caring for children is a woman’s job and you think fathers don’t have the same parenting responsibilities that mothers do, you also think women are superficial and you also choose to not empathize with your wife when it comes to the hard work she has to do to care the children. Maybe start from there. All of those dehumanizing ways you see women are red flags women see in men.
I mean men don’t usually take care of children. And I don’t have the health to take care of a child. How do i see women in a negative and dehumanizing way? You’re weird asf.
Well women are superficial tho? Otherwise they wouldn’t only date good looking/attractive guys!
Men don’t usually take care of children because of the same mindset that you have. The problem with “thinking caring for children is a woman’s job” is rooted in how the patriarchy view women (in other words… servants). And the reason why men don’t usually care for children is because of lack of sense of responsibility in themselves as fathers, no woman want to be with a man who refuse to be involved in parenting and caring for their own child. And no married woman want their child to grow up without a father figure while their husband is right there… doing absolutely nothing. If you are not going to take on parenting responsibilities you better contribute something else to the relationship such as working to provide for your family, that is the least you could do. If you can’t do any of that, do you think it is selfish to get married just for the thrill? Marriage and relationships requires both partners to contribute, it’s not a one way road.
You expect your wife to not only care for the children, but also to work and provide for the family, and also to take care of you. That kind of thinking view women as servants who just exist to serve others. You can’t weaponize incompetency and use it to avoid responsibilities. In your case you are physically and mentally unable to care for children so i get where you are coming from, doesn’t mean you can be irresponsible and get married anyways knowing full well she will end up as a full time servant. If i’m being honest that is probably why you have a difficult time securing a date. If you feel like your wife would have to do literally everything (caring for children, being the bread winer, working full time, while also care for you as a disabled person), you should not have a wife, as that just means ruining someone else life and put them in the kind of hell that is worse than death. Also, you said women are superficial by dating attractive men… aren’t you doing the same thing by wanting to date attractive women?
Opinion
1Opinion
Start doing groups... so whatever your hobby is find that. You'll find people who like to do what you do
What groups? We ain’t in school anymore!! What groups?
Just having a hobby doesn’t mean you’ll meet people. And Everyone is so closed off nowadays in today’s society
I know during covid they had apps for group acitivites... try to find something on Google. There are groups like church events etc.. Christians this... Harry Potter fans that.
Its more difficult these days meeting people. But even if you meet a guy he could set you up with a friend of his you never know
I have friends from school, they have never tried setting me up even tho they know i’m looking! I ask them, they say they don’t know anyone!
And meeting real friends is impossible
I guess you're sol then
Why do i feel like you people don’t experience this shit? That everything is easy!
No trust me many do. You're not the only one. Joining a gym is a good way to meet people too.
m I suggest... therapy
WTF? Why?
have you ever tried?
Why do i need therapy!
you might therapy... to find out why you need therapy
You’re trolling, you’re definitely trolling
no, I am serious... I really think you could find a benefit from seeking therapy with a professional
we all would... really
You’re a dick! You don’t know me! Therapists don’t help anything! And finding one is impossible with terrible insurance
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