Do you think being picky and having high standards is the biggest reason why so many people are single today?

[Anonymous]

What I'm finding is that most people jump from one relationship to the next. No success after no success, then more no success. Suddenly they are 40, getting a bit desperate, watching everyone else get married and have kids. It's not that those relationships are undoable, it's their expectations are too high. There is no such thing as someone who has everything you want in a person. There is no ideal person, but an imperfect person. There will always be something missing or something you hate about them. Prioritize the things that matter such as good character. If you keep looking for the "ideal person" you will likely stay single forever. You can keep waiting for the "right person" to come along but you need to realize you can't wait forever. At some point, you will find yourself nearing your deathbed and you can still be waiting.

[Vneila21]

Not really, there is a difference between having high standards, and setting a boundary so you could show up as your honest self. At least for me, I can get nervous around lots of people pretty quickly. I am my own bouncer when it comes to the energy I share, and the energy I let in. Of course, I'd like a boyfriend to be attentive to my needs. (Which is honestly a scary thought, mostly because I haven't been in those waters yet.) That's why I feel like I need him to show up as a guy friend first. I imagine things pretty fast so it would be helpful if he was direct with me. (ex. him saying we are friends first) I assume guys saying that is rare, but that would feel like the icing on the cake for me. Especially with no conflicting signs until he's mentally ready. Anyway, after we acknowledge if we are growing together. I mean we would whether or not we were dating. Getting that confirmation, to hear it from him would be a plus. I think the chances to find a guy like that (introverted, honest (with himself and others), attentive) are either pretty scarce or that he'd be too nervous to approach me without looking overconfident. That overconfidence is if he hadn't met me before which isn't "ideal" anyway.

By the way, if he got me, I got him. Ok, I am a loyal girl, I would care about him deeply and immediately. Just making sure that he is building the bridge of love with me when we go that route. A slow relationship is a thorough one.

I understand you might be looking for a generalized answer, but this is the headspace I'm in now. I can't speak for others about this. How high can their standards be without lowering themselves in the ground? I hope this helps.

[bobalife]

To answer the main question, I believe modern dating is experiencing unrealistic high expectations, hurt and fearful culture, commitment problems, idea of too many options/swipes, covid era and social media prevented people to forget how to build normal social skills in-person, or bad models of what’s a good relationship.

[bobalife]

And oh yes, people now easily deeming someone as “red flags”😅😂, no conflict resolution skills, not giving enough time and chance to a person, losing hope, or being upset with gender battles

[Summeroflove]

It depends, I don’t want my time wasted and I won’t want to waste anyones time. It’s good for people to know what they want. Romantic rejection….. Isn’t rejection as a human being. Some people take it that way…. But it isn’t. I respect someone that doesn’t waste someone’s time and is honest.

You make a good point though and a lot of times it happens before 40. Especially if they feel pressured or can be 30s and even 20s. I never want someone to feel they have settled for me. But unfortunately, it’s a common issue with people who have extremely high unattainable standards and nothing to show for it. The men or women they want are too far out of their league and they get rejected.

What will happen is they will in their heads settle. They won’t be happy… will probably cheat and eventually end the marriage. That’s a hard reality for many people. They generally won’t be honest and will love bomb though. If someone’s honest with one another I respect that.

[MrOracle]

The problem is that when people say "you need to have high standards" or "raise your standards", what is meant by that is raise your standards in regards to morals, values, and life-goals. Instead, people ignore those things and raise their standards for looks, status, and income, and THOSE standards are usually completely delusional. In other words, people are putting huge weight in areas that matter very little, and they're putting very little weight in areas that matter a whole lot - and then they're surprised when it doesn't work out.

It's kind of like being poor and desperately needing a reliable car to get to work and having a $5000 budget. If you pick the car because of the paint color, or because it has an aftermarket stereo, or because it has cool aftermarket wheels, you're using the wrong criteria to choose the car and you're probably going to end up with either a money pit or a car that you have to junk after a short amount of time.

[ohsheeT]

I think more people are not in relationships because of ego and one of them always has to be right. They cannot bend, they cannot compromise. They have to be right, and nobody can tell them what to do. So I say, check the eagles at the door if you have an ego, you're not going to be in a relationship that's bottom line, it's called respect, compromise, work together to make things work. You can't just always think that you're right about something.\nAnd then the way you presented\nNobody wants to deal with

I'm one of the piciets people you will ever meet, but at the same time, I'm not because within 20 minutes of talking with you. I know who you are. I know what you're all about.\nAnd if you're bossy , if you feel the need to control , then i'm not your guy

[Finchie40]

I am being picky now considering i already been in plenty of relationships through the years , so i am in no rush to be tsken again, unless i meet a great girl , which i feel like i did last weekend and i went out eith her again last night and we had a great time and realized we have a lot in common , I know it's the infatuation stage , so I am not rushing things whatsoever , just having fun and getting to know her more and more

[Rei13]

I think for some people that is true, especially the older they get. It is good to have standards however it’s important for people to remember that nobody is perfect including themselves.

[desidoll]

I do think that it is part of the reason. Social media really ruins the dating world. People have unrealistic expectations on someone they meet in real life because everyone is so immune with the photoshopped, heavily filtered images everywhere. Most of the time, these people don’t even look like that. When I go to the market, restaurants, bars, beach or parks, I rarely see anyone similar to those people I see online. I went for a night outing a few times and still didn’t see them. People are chasing something that doesn’t even exist.

[DonaldDarko]

I think it's more to do with people just gained more knowledge of the world around them. We grew beyond narrow religious dogma but it left us confused and nihilistic. There are no longer social mores about marriage , family and relationships. The old traditional ways were savage and people rejected them. We just don't have anything to replace them with. I say these relationships are destructive and favor species survival not individual survival. We are on the cusp of artificial reproduction and AI parenting as well as genetic alteration which is taking our evolution into our own hands. I think this is it's self a natural process as it stems from the natural human intellect.

[Petermorgan343434]

I think people stay single longer or why they hold out for the “ right person “ is because people don’t know how to behave anymore in a relationship or how to develop genuine relationships with each other and only think about superficial traits versus developing a long, deep meaningful connection. Men don’t know how to treat women right and women don’t know how to respect a man. We’ve all been consumed by the internet/social media false hoods and expectations that we can’t make genuine connections anymore.

[Nikki1989]

No, not at all.

Many people resort to this weak excuse when they have failed miserably in their relationships. You can see it every day on this site, and the one thing all the people have in common is that they are 99% hopelessly single, and their misery shows.

[BadApple69]

The things that kill dating in 2026
Feminism.
Women are fed the lie that they don’t need a man even if you are not a feminist us men have had to deal with it before.


Women like to try and change us to meet their needs. That doesn’t work and will only drive a wedge.


Of course if you are overly picky that will limit or eliminate your choices.

[MrChinaski]

Errr... I needed a second pass to even start to think I might have understood what you meant:

"Women need men that don't meet their needs" with an undercurrent of "A woman should be grateful that any man will even give her the time of day. Her sole purpose in life is to do whatever a man wants and never get anything she wants in return"

Is that an accurate translation?

Now I need to go somewhere and vomit.

[BadApple69]

I guess you need to learn to read. Or maybe you aren’t from the USA and are using Google Translate. Either way I didn’t say a single word of the rubbish you were spewing. Suggestion, read things at face value and stop making shit up.

[MrChinaski]

So... to recap... I said:
- I struggled to understand what you meant.
- Put a possible interpretation forward.
- Asked for clarification
- Expressed revulsion were my interpretation accurate.

It's called conversation.

[strateguy632]

No it is partly due to unreasonable judges who make everything a crime. so people stop "taking risks" to say hello or flirt. Partly the expectation of "uneven" for example valentines day is for lady to get but no corresponding day to give to men and this is a sign of a larger problem of unfair expectations in society.

[imnoangel90]

Its a big reason why woman are single.

But most men 18-29 demographic are single due to, zero social environments (bars dont count), financial instability, living with parents still and genuinely not being born tall and rich.
Its part of their fault, but thats like blaming the victim of a crime.
I think men as a whole need help and fast. But because their men, no one gives a sh×t.

[Anonymous]

In some ways. People are presented way more options these days, and there is a more distant view of the ceiling today. Personally, my issues is just meeting people, and I know that is also an issue for others my age. I can't get anything meaningful from apps, and the only other places I go is work and the gym.

[PeachyPie93]

Not so much that they are picky it's more that they don't want to commit.. then think they are entitled to something really good when they have no value themselves and whore around on the daily.

[Anonymous]

Without question! But that's ok. Because a lot of these people are actually terrible people to begin with. They would be a disaster with whomever they chose to link up with. So actually their pickyness is actually saving them from destroying other people's lives.

So it's not all bad when you really think about it.

[FreyaRed]

No. Most singles just don't want to be together with anyone. High standard and other things are just alibi explanation for inner aversion towards other people.

[EchoD]

I think high standard are one thing same with being picky, but the real problem is people being unrealistic about relationship expectations.

[Miristheiss]

For my kids to have safe, successful lives, grandkids and to retire early and to volunteer and pursue my hibbies.

[MrChinaski]

Fair. Love is not an effective search algorithm.

[DextroShade]

What you are saying applies to women as they are the ones who have ridiculously unrealistic standards, not men.

[Alex-Snow]

That along with too much social media and porn also have changed things.

[noohair]

Social Media has created a mentality of superficial standards. The content of a person’s character is not valued as it should be…

[blackeagle007]

Selective is one thing. Everyone should be. Unrealistic means just that.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Sure, but your standards should be high but not unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but i don't settle for less than what i know i deserve

[CuriousMufuxka]

Look no further than hookup sites.

[888theGreat]

Yep, that's my reason

[In_Trance]

No I don't think that's the reason at all

[Biscoff3030]

Yes some what it is