Am I overthinking or is this guy just not that interested in a second date?

[ally_clarke10x]

After months of being too nervous to go on one I (24F) FINALLY went on my first ever hinge date with a guy (25M) on Saturday! We text for 2 weeks before the date (we were going to meet after 1 week but our schedules didn’t align). Anyway the conversation was good and I felt comfortable enough to say yes to the date.

He planned and payed for it all, and took me to a nice jazz bar in NYC. Honestly the date couldn’t have gone any better we had great conversation and lots of chemistry. We continued the night by going to a different bar where we kissed. Then I ended up going back to his place and we slept together and I stayed over the night-I’m honestly very sex positive when it comes to things like this. I’m of the opinion that if the chemistry is there and 2 consenting adults agree to it there’s no problem, and if the guys only after sex whether you have it on the first or third date won’t make a whole lot of difference to the outcome one going forward.

Anyway in the morning he continued to be very affectionate, kissing my neck and saying I should stay for longer but I wanted to dash off. He said he wanted to see me again, he painted out his schedule to me and said next Friday would be the best.

I went home and later that evening he text me to say he had a great date with me and hopes to see me next Friday. I since realised I can’t do Friday so responded with some alternative days but now I’ve been on ‘seen’ for 14 hours. It’s making me feel very paranoid and doubt everything that happened on the date. Am I overthinking for no reason or is he not actually interested as he normally responds to my texts on the same day?

[new-person]

A few things to look at: he was emotional and physical in the morning, not just that was great, bye. So that positive. He did say he wanted to see you again and started to plan it. All this really points to him wanting a 2nd date.

You did say it took some time for you to make the first date do to both schedules not aligning. (This I think is the key)

He might be bummed out or real discouraged do to how hard it is to date you do to you two really different schedules. Question: when you told him Friday did not work, did you explain it was because of work, and did you tell him all the days you are free to go on a date?

What I will do because it has been 14 hrs. I would text him something like this: "(name) I understand you might be busy. I just like to tell you, I am sorry for Friday not working out, I did not have access to my schedule at your place. I really do like you and very interested in you, here are the dates I am free (list of dates) the next time we meet I will remember to bring my schedule so we can plan things together."

After this if he dose not reply within the day. I have to say move on. But do keep in mind something could of happened like a friend or family member got hurt or he lost/his cell got stolen. So after a few days you could go to his place just to see if everything is ok, just as a sign that you care and just say "I have not heard back from you, just wanted to see if you was ok". If you say this he might give you the reason why, so prepare your self because he might explain why he is not interested. If that's the case just say, "ok well thank you for the great night, wish you all the best, bye" then move on.

Keep in mind, He might end up changing his mind later because he seen you care, and end up calling you.

[In_Trance]

Definitely not interested

[bobalife]

It’s okay you’re feeling anxiety, I’m sure anyone would if they really like someone and had an amazing date night like you did. However, it’s one of those situations where you called the shots… is this someone I see myself with who can communicate with me like the way I want or do I need to be patient to see if he will reply? And how long will I wait where it’s no longer okay?


You already did your part by giving him your schedule. He could possibly be unsure or discourage, but it’s up to him to decide. All we can do is control how we feel and think. Do your thing and if he knows your value, he will come back.

[HollyK21]

Like Abby said, I’d give him benefit of the doubt for now but if I were you I’d let go of that paranoia and fear. It’s been two weeks, not nearly enough time to worry about this guy because he wouldn’t be a loss, you hardly even know him. If this is inadvertently about the hookup and/or potentially being ghosted after it, if you really have no regrets having done it then don’t make that a factor. My thought process is similar in the respect that “when” you do the deed doesn’t necessarily matter because if he doesn’t intend on sticking around he just isn’t.

[RespectfulGuy]

Been on GaG for decades and one thing I noticed among youths is that you people like to rush things and lack patience.

Yes PATIENCE!

First of all, it takes time for true love to grow. Next, after sex, guys can bear up for a week or more until he must have another.

For these simple carnal reasons alone, wait it out. If he comes back, you know he's into you. If not, then it's time to move on. Simple.

PS: Ya matter of the heart can be difficult to wait and bear. But let reality speaks for itself. It's futile to go otherwise.

[Anonymous]

It’s possible you’re overthinking it. But honestly 14 hours to me is pushing it. To me it’s past that response time of whatever I’ll get back to her it’s not that important. Plus you gave him pretty much what most men want right away. So now that makes me think is he really interested in you or he sees you as easy now. Sure he may want to go out again, but that could just be for the sex. So you may go on 2-3 dates w him thinking it’s something real when he’s just in it for the sex now. Because honestly a lot of men will see a girl like that giving it up on the first date as being put in the for sex only category. Men tend to think ok well if she gave it up to me just like that how many other dudes has she done the same w. But let’s hope that he’s just really really busy. But honestly I don’t think someone could be that busy that they couldn’t respond w in 14 hours. Unless he got hurt, or a family member got hurt or something. Fourteen hours is pushing it.

[MrChinaski]

Congratulations on overcoming your nerves. That's huge. Something to be proud of.

Regarding a second date, meh, whatever will be will be. Chances are he is doing a lot of other things with his life and will be in touch. And if it turns out that he doesn't want a second date that doesn't mean you did anything less than perfectly. Either way, it sounds like the date was a positive experience for you.

[Abbycado]

It is overthinking it at this point. Not saying that if in another day it would not be considered overthinking.

I'd just give benefit of the doubt for now.

[Crankor]

If you already let him know you were up to see him again and he didn't respond well you'll just have to let it be. He may of had other dates planned or just hasn't decided to move forward with you. Not saying its completely dead but if he hasn't responded after a few days to reply to meeting up again then I wouldn't waste my time

[Kelley1]

Per the rules that women created, he should wait for a week before calling and asking for another date. If you are unwilling to wait, call him.

[WhitneySnow]

I think he’s just busy but keep in mind that a lot of guys will dump you if you have sex on the first date

[Lucianmagnus]

you could be overreacting.. i know sometimes i will read a text from someone im intrested in and may not reply right away cause i wanna say something meaningful and i may be busy at that moment..

[Nikki1989]

Just go with the flow for now and see where it takes you.

[queenofcardio]

Give it time. Seems like you're over thinking the situation.

[foxsquirrell]

Maybe he is playing some mind game so as to not look like you are controlling and calling the shots. Or he thinks that you are finding excuses not to meet him again and he is backing off.