Is it true or false that a kiss can change your mind about someone?

[MissSunshine2]

One of my best guy friends tried to kiss me a few days ago, who's been apparently hoping that if he kisses me, he might feel something other than the icks at the thought of kissing someone he loves as a sister. He was hoping he might feel chemistry that grows, some kind of spark, since we've known each other for a year, he's said that his hot and cold behaviour was a result of him wanting to be romantically interested and loving my personality, but not feeling sparks.

Updates

4 mo

In my opinion, while chemistry can grow over time, a year is plenty of time to know for sure, if there's a spark, regardless of whether or not you've been intimate with someone. But I don't know, as I've not found myself in that situation before.

[spartan55]

100% False. Are you kidding me. That is the dumbest thing I've heard today. (on his part) He sounds like a social and emotional moron. I won't even mention him calling a 'sister$3%1=0%%1111

[Kingofkings1992]

100% false. Might be true for a pre-teen or teenager

[DishLady]

If you like them and they are poor kissers it can def impact things.


If you felt lukewarm about them and they’re suddenly sending sparks flying … then you have something to consider.

[BobbieBoy666]

It is true that a kiss can change your mind about someone. Research indicates that a first kiss acts as a "litmus test" for compatibility, with studies showing that roughly 59% of men and 66% of women have ended a budding relationship after a bad first kiss. It acts as a powerful, scientifically backed tool for assessing potential partners.
Key Findings on How a Kiss Changes Minds:
Make or Break Moment: A single kiss can cause someone to lose interest in a previously attractive person if the experience is poor.
Biological Assessment: Kissing helps people subconsciously evaluate genetic fitness and compatibility, acting as a crucial mate-selection mechanism.
Chemical Reaction: The act triggers a cascade of chemicals like oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, which can instantly enhance feelings of attachment or, conversely, create a sense of disconnect.
Gender Differences: While both genders use kissing to evaluate partners, women often place higher emotional importance on the quality of a kiss when deciding whether to pursue a relationship.
Ultimately, the chemical, emotional, and physical sensations of a kiss provide immediate, often subconscious feedback that can alter your perception of a person's suitability for a long-term relationship.

It is true. From both a biological and psychological perspective, a single kiss can act as a powerful "litmus test" for a relationship, sometimes overriding hours of great conversation or previous attraction.
Research, including studies led by evolutionary psychologists like Gordon Gallup and Rafael Wlodarski, suggests that kissing serves as an advanced sensory assessment tool.

1. The "Genetic Compatibility" Check
When you kiss someone, your body is processing a massive amount of subconscious data. You are literally tasting and smelling their Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC)—a set of genes related to the immune system.
The Goal: Evolutionarily, we are attracted to partners with immune systems different from our own to give potential offspring a broader range of immunity.
The Result: If the "chemical signature" doesn't align, your brain may suddenly signal a lack of chemistry, even if you like the person on paper.

2. The Hormonal Flood
A kiss triggers a cocktail of chemicals that can instantly shift your mood or feelings of connection:
Dopamine: Creates a sense of craving and excitement.
Oxytocin: Often called the "bonding hormone," it fosters feelings of closeness and trust.
Serotonin: Can lead to obsessive thoughts about the person.
Cortisol: Levels of this stress hormone often drop during a good kiss, making you feel safe and relaxed with the partner.

3. Sensory Overload
Kissing involves a significant amount of neural real estate. Of the 12 cranial nerves, five are involved in a kiss, sending impulses from the lips, tongue, and nose directly to the brain. This intense sensory input can reveal:
Physical Compatibility: Coordination and "rhythm."
Hygiene and Health: Subtle cues about a person's self-care and overall wellbeing.



The "Deal-Breaker" Stat
In a survey conducted by evolutionary psychologist Gordon Gallup, 59% of men and 66% of women reported that they had found themselves attracted to someone but lost that attraction instantly after their first kiss.

Summary: A kiss isn't just a romantic gesture; it is a sophisticated biological screening process. It can confirm a deep connection or serve as a "stop" sign if the chemical data doesn't match up.

This situation is challenging because your friend is experiencing a conflict between his appreciation for your personality and a lack of romantic/physical chemistry, leading to "hot and cold" behavior. His attempt to force a "spark" by kissing you, while hoping to overcome the feeling that you are "like a sister," suggests he is struggling to reconcile his deep platonic love with a desire for romantic attraction.
Here is a breakdown of what this situation means and how to handle it based on common relationship dynamics:

Understanding His Actions
The "Sibling" ick: When a guy says he loves you like a sister, it often means the friendship feels safe, familiar, and comfortable, which can unfortunately create a mental block against feeling sexual desire.
Forced Chemistry: He tried to use a physical act to create feelings rather than acting on pre-existing ones. It is common for people to hope that chemistry will grow, but it often cannot be forced.
Hot and Cold Behavior: This is a result of him wanting to be attracted to you because he values your personality, but not actually feeling the, spark.
What "No Spark" Means: This usually indicates a lack of sexual attraction or that his romantic expectations are not being met, rather than a reflection on your worth or lovability.

How to Handle the Situation
Believe Him and Set Boundaries: When someone tells you they don't feel a spark, take them at their word. Allowing this behavior to continue may lead to you getting hurt.
Take a Break from "Couple" Behavior: To move back to a purely platonic friendship, it may be necessary to stop acting like a couple. Avoid situations where you are alone together, or take a temporary break from speaking to allow emotions to settle.
Evaluate the Friendship: Ask yourself if you can truly go back to being "just friends" without hoping for more, or if this experience has made that impossible.
Prioritize Your Feelings: If this hot and cold behavior is causing you emotional pain, you may need to distance yourself to protect your own heart.
Ultimately, he is telling you he values you as a friend but cannot feel the romance he is looking for. While it is frustrating, you deserve to be with someone who feels that spark instantly and without having to force it.

Your perspective holds up well against common relationship advice, which generally confirms that while initial sparks can be misleading, one year is a significant amount of time to determine if a lasting, deeper connection is present.
Here is a breakdown of how experts view "the spark," chemistry, and the one-year timeline:

The "One Year" Rule
The Transition Period: Studies suggest that the intense "euphoric" stage of a relationship lasts between six months and two years, after which it often settles into deeper attachment.
A Solid Timeline: One year is widely considered sufficient to observe a partner’s behavior, values, and reactions to life changes, allowing for a clear assessment of long-term compatibility.
The "Slow Burn" Reality: While some feel an instant spark, many successful, long-term relationships start without fireworks, developing instead over time through shared experiences and growing trust.

The Role of Intimacy
It’s Not Just About Sex: While intimacy can certainly create a spark and increase bonding through the release of oxytocin, it is not a requirement to feel chemistry.
Intimacy vs. Spark: A lack of initial physical attraction or sparks usually means a relationship will not develop, but a strong emotional bond (friendship) can also lead to a later, deeper attraction.

What to Look for After a Year
Values Over Sparks: If the initial, intense spark has faded, it is crucial to assess if you have built a foundation of shared values, trust, and communication.
"Comfort" vs. Boredom: A mature relationship often feels less like a firework show and more like a safe, steady, and comfortable connection.
In summary, if after a year of being with someone you still feel that the "spark"—that vital, magnetic connection—is absent, it is highly likely that the relationship may be more of a friendship, rather than a romantic partnership.

[msc545]

Oddly enough, I think it's true. I was once at a party with my ex, and her best friend and I were talking. My ex had gone off somewhere to do God knows what. Her friend and I don't drink. We were just kind of getting comfortable sitting out by the pool on a lounge. For whatever reason, she reached over and kissed me. It was an extremely deep, very passionate kiss that honestly surprised the hell out of me. Clearly one of the best kisses I had ever had. We talked for a bit longer, and my ex reappeared, and I had to run off with her. But I kept thinking about her friend for about a week, and finally called her. I said to her, "Hey look, you know what? That was a really great experience I had with you the other night, and I'd like to see you again. Can we work that out?" She said, "I've been waiting for you to call me, and I was hoping you would. But honestly, if you hadn't called me today, I was going to call you. Yeah, let's work it out. "

We did work it out about two weeks later. I sailed over on my boat from Long Beach Harbor to Catalina, which is actually not that long a trip. I was by myself when I got to Catalina because of the size of the boat, which was about sixty feet. I had to anchor out and couldn't really get a mooring in the harbor. That was okay too. I called her from the boat, and she took a shore boat over to my boat and came aboard. We spent the weekend there together. That was absolutely some of the best sex I ever had, but a lot of it being good had probably to do with the fact that it was illicit and secretive, and it was new.

We never saw each other after that, but I often think about her. She was a very nice woman, and beautiful in bed.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

There was this one girl I made out with and she kept smashing her teeth into mine and look I know I talk myself up a lot, but I know how to kiss, and she kept going like "stop puckering your lips" like it would be nice for 5 seconds and then she got confident and ruined it again.

Now that was just a girl who I was friends with and we were playing around. But I remember thinking: how much self awareness can someone who acts like that possibly have and an image in my head if a negative number came up. Don't remember what number. I like to think it was red.

[exitseven]

I had a female friend that I was very close to. We did a lot of things together and told each other everything. I was in a long distance relationship and she was engaged to my college roommate so I never really considered a romantic relationship with her. But one night we went into the city to see an MLB game. After the game and a few beers we sat in my car and she told me that she had feelings for me. I told her that I loved her but not like that. I put my arms around her and just held her for a while. After I let go she suddenly kissed me. I was surprised but it was so soft and warm I was a little blown away.

In the days to follow I began to wonder if maybe I felt the same way.

[Noredcarpet]

I've always figure it is the other way around that the feelings you already have for someone shines through when you do kiss

(I have been pleasantly surprised when someone did kiss me as he had a way of making me feel surprisingly loved by him already so soon)

[MontBlanc]

True, sometimes.

A kiss can spark chemistry or reveal a lack of it. It’s not magic that changes deep compatibility, but it can clarify feelings in a way talking alone doesn’t.

It’s more of a “signal” than a full decision maker.

[MissSunshine2]

should I allow him to try it?

[MontBlanc]

If you feel comfortable and safe, it can be a way to gauge chemistry, but make sure it’s mutual, and you’re clear about your boundaries.

[jshm2]

LOL, reads like he tried to get out the friendzone you put him in.

[MissSunshine2]

Actually, he put himself in the friendzone.

[RingOfFire]

I believe it can. A kiss is a special kind of communication that sends its own kind of signal to the brain. It is entirely possible that it can send a message that you didn't expect that changes everything.

[WonderingManII]

I think a kiss can get your body feeling, you know... But will it make true love happen? Probably not.

[Anonymous]

I would think it could only hurt your chances, I wouldn't change my mind to like a guy who I didn't already because of a kiss.

[qwerty2469]

Very true. I used to think my best friend was gay, until she kissed me... Same with another best friend, only switch the orientation and this one was a he.

[Jamie05rhs]

You shouldn't kiss people as a test. That's selfish and wrong.

[Bloodparadise]

There's kissing 😚 and then there's kissing..❤️

[serious]

According to me it is false.

[queenofcardio]

I believe it can , yes..

[Anonymous]

Yes.

If a man can't kiss...

[beefcakebradybatson]

Followed by a b. j. !!!

[Zionne]

yesssss

[fish5505_87]

Yes!!!