Have you ever been romantically interested in someone but never told them?

[7Phoenix7]

Sometimes feelings stay completely unspoken.

Maybe the timing wasn’t right… or maybe you just never said anything.

Has that ever happened to you?

💭❤️👀

[Lliam]

Lots of times in jr. high and high school. There were quite a few girls who sent me clear signals, but I was an inexperienced adolescent and didn't know what to do or what to say. Because of that, I let some really cute ones go. They probably thought I was either gay or uninterested in them.

There were a couple other times later in life when I was between girlfriends and looking for another one when I had dealings with beautiful women but, for one reason or another, psyched myself out and didn't make a move.

[7Phoenix7]

lol it happens often I would think..

[Billlewis]

Not very often, unless I knew I had no chance of success. However, I once fell in love with a co worker who was in a different department, and by the time I approached her a couple of weeks later, I discovered that she'd been married since age 18.

[7Phoenix7]

Damn! lol that’s so unlucky

[Billlewis]

I know, right? I was like, 'Married? You look so young'. She said, 'I am young'.

[sage2021]

I was very attracted to some guys but I was raised the old fashioned way where the guy has to make the first move.
Maybe they could tell by the way I would smile and talk about happy things, but more times than none that wasn't enough for them to ask me out.

[7Phoenix7]

They were probably clueless 😆

[Nikki1989]

Nah. I'm very forward when it comes to that, which can be awkward at times.

[7Phoenix7]

lol.

[ohsheeT]

Yes it has. It's even happened here a couple times lol

[7Phoenix7]

Oh well I’ll be lol

[ohsheeT]

Yes I never said anything

[HawkPerception]

A bunch of times, usually because I think I'm not in their league currently.

[7Phoenix7]

Not in their league in what way?

[HawkPerception]

"Currently" because I'm still figuring out my life in my old age. I'm pretty behind people my age and it really adds to my insecurity. If I had my shit figured out, I'd be pretty damn confident, or at least I think I would be

[7Phoenix7]

Meh… a lot of people our age don’t have everything figured out even when it seems like they do lol

[HawkPerception]

I hear you, but I've looked up the stats and less than 10% are in situations similar to myself at my age.

And while men generally don't care about where a woman is in life, women generally care where a man is in life

[7Phoenix7]

What do you think held you back?

[Rangers]

There was one girl at a family gathering witn friends who was hitting on me. She was like cuddling up to me and all.

All was good until I saw a ring on her finger and was mortified. She looked at me funny at the next gathering when I didn't approach her on the skate rink.

I felt disgusted with both of us, with me for potentially causing problems in a marriage by not seeing this sooner, and for her to hit on a guy half her age at the time, 19 vs 38, and when married and worse, her husband was there, I was pretty angry with her

I have no romantic feelings for her at all now, but before I knew she was married, I did like her. I only get more disgusted with me and her when I think about what could've happened, had I not noticed the ring in time

[TonyMetal___86]

Yep a couple of times, my first time was in elementry school when i was 9 back in 1994, there was a blonde beautiful girl in my classroom, was so much in love with her but couldn't approach her at all cause i was sooo shy, she used to give me looks and smile but i never knew if she felt the same towards me 🤣🤣

[7Phoenix7]

Cute! Lol

[TonyMetal___86]

Beautiful memories miss phoenix, everything was special and beautiful unlike the present day..

[Still-alive]

Sure its happened but im at a point in my life now where i can practically control my emotions or at least regulate them. its a nice thing to have if you can manage it.

So i disallow myself to fall for anyone who doesn't reciprocate my feelings anymore. I need that 'green light' before i allow myself to just start feeling those intense feelings.

[7Phoenix7]

I need to learn how to do that lol

[Still-alive]

Its a nice super power to have lol

[MrChinaski]

I could never do that. If it works for you, more power to you. It's just not who I am.

[Still-alive]

@MrChinaski im not saying to cut off your emotions and become w robot or something i just mean i don’t let them get out if control to the point where im stressing the F out

[MontBlanc]

Yes, I think it happens to most people at some point.

Sometimes the timing isn’t right, or you value the friendship too much to risk it.

Other times, it’s about learning patience and understanding your own feelings before sharing them.

Not saying something doesn’t make the feeling any less real, it just means you handle it with care and awareness.

[exitseven]

Yes, when i was younger I was afraid to express my feelings to girls. Even if I knew that they were into me I still could not make a move. I was in love with somebody and said nothing for two years. When I finally worked up the nerve to tell her it was too late.

[Valso]

Yeah, in high school. I was in love with a classmate but never got the courage to tell him. Even nowadays gays are frowned upon, let alone nearly 30 years ago. I wasn't sure how he'd react, that's why I never told him.

[7Phoenix7]

That’s understandable

[AydenHazor]

I've absolutely done this, when I assume they're but interested in me. As established in another if your questions I'm pretty oblivious, so I always assume they're not interested in me unless they explicitly state otherwise

[7Phoenix7]

Yes I know lol

[lilBigPotato]

Yes... Was crushing hard on someone who was already taken.

[7Phoenix7]

That suckssss

[lilBigPotato]

Yep lol

[Spencer10]

Oh totally... but as you mentioned the timing was not right.

[7Phoenix7]

Yea it’s like that sometimes

[Katrina_5]

Of course. But I realized that keeping it to myself was a choice. It wasn't about fear, it was about priorities. At that time, focusing on my own goals was more important than the distraction of a relationship. It was a strategic decision, not a missed opportunity. I'm happy where I'm at now, and focus actually helped me find someone who's more my type anyway.

[Shiprex]

Nah, I tend to find a flaw in them when no interest in me is shown , then I ruminate on that.

[7Phoenix7]

lol interesting

[realbiggrin]

Oh unfortunately yes , and because of fear of commitment or rejection or both lost out on someone that turned out to be an absolute awesome companion... to someone else.

[Massageman]

And I didn't find out she was interested in me until 50th HS reunion.

[7Phoenix7]

Hahaha 😂

[msc545]

Several times when I was younger, I never told the person because I knew that they would not reciprocate.

[7Phoenix7]

You *thought

[msc545]

That was not just based on my own thoughts; it was also based on my perception of them.

[msc545]

Why would I want to put them and me through a rejection like that?

[7Phoenix7]

So you’re more in the ‘avoid unnecessary emotional risk’ camp? I think I lean more toward ‘take the risk and see what happens..

[msc545]

Let's avoid putting my hand on a hot stove.

[7Phoenix7]

lol I understand

Also, I do remember seeing you mention that you don’t believe in the Meyer Briggs personality test… but I’m still so curious what your result was, if you took the test

[msc545]

I took it a couple of times, and honestly, I don't remember what the results were now, but apparently, I was not particularly impressed, or I would remember that. Technically, it's not even a test; it's just a gimmick that somebody made up. Real tests which I've been involved with intimately are constructed carefully and have published validity and reliability statistics. This particular instrument has none of that.

[7Phoenix7]

That makes sense. Since psychology is your field, I trust you probably have good reasons for dismissing it.

Even though you’d probably hate this guess… my completely unscientific intuition says you’d come out as an INTJ. 😄lol

[msc545]

I'm going to have to look that up to see what it means since I don't really know. Ok, so it said: " INTJ (Architect) is a personality type defined by Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Judging traits, representing independent, strategic, and analytical thinkers. Often called "Masterminds" or "Architects," they excel at implementing creative strategies, improving systems, and pursuing knowledge. They are highly logical, self-confident, and future-oriented, though sometimes viewed as reserved, perfectionistic, or insensitive.

I think that is somewhat accurate, although I tend to be a "tactical strategic thinker, and I am, if anything, overly sensitive and not insensitive. Overly sensitive to the point where it harms me frequently.

[msc545]

You do realize that now, because we've had this discussion, I'm going to have to go take it again, right?

[7Phoenix7]

Now I feel responsible for sending a psychologist down the Myers Briggs rabbit hole. 😂
If you take it again you’ll have to come back and tell me what you get.

I remember you mentioning your field before but what area of psychology are you in again?

[msc545]

So according to the latest iteration of this little test, I am an INFP-T. Do you have some comments or thoughts about that type?

I am a clinical, neuro and and forensic psychologist. I practice in all three areas.

[7Phoenix7]

I’ll be honest… INFP is actually my favorite personality type.

When I first took the test in high school I got INFP myself. Later on I started getting INFJ pretty consistently.

But interestingly, my closest and best friend is an INFP. 🙂

I’m curious tho …. did the description feel accurate at all?

[7Phoenix7]

Also… clinical, neuro and forensic psychology? That sounds like the full psychological trifecta lol

[msc545]

I actually think that description fits remarkably well. I wasn't expecting that, but it's kind of a revelation of sorts.

Yeah, Clinical-Neuro-Forensic is pretty much the trifecta, and it took a hell of a lot more school than you might expect. I love the practice.

Being that my Myers-Briggs type turns out to be your favorite type, does that mean you like me a little more?

[7Phoenix7]

Well if the test is accurate then yes… you probably gained a few points. lol

[msc545]

Gained a few points in what way? I don't understand your response

[msc545]

Okay never mind. I had to read back up to understand what you meant so. Does this mean I can get something like influence or status here finally? Lol

[7Phoenix7]

You’re already an influencer… being a psychological trifecta. lol

[msc545]

Yeah, but I've never gotten the title because the admin here kind of hates me.

[abbyjgriffin98]

Yeah. That's actually happened a lot. I just figure if someone likes me enough, he will ask me out.

[Tarifa]

They all knew, or I made sure to tell them. I couldn't live with the uncertainty of not knowing what the outcome would be, be it good or bad.

[alice55]

I had multiple crush as a teen who I never releaved to them but I did not want to I was just happy to look at them form away

[MrChinaski]

Yes. I was 14 years old. Then I grew a pair.

😊

[AngryCarl3]

Yes, because they were already in a relationship.

[Sherloque95]

Oh yes many times. Sometimes it’s for the best to just have it be a “what could have been” situation. Other times I feel like I should have taken a shot.

[Larry30]

Yes because the friendship was more important.

[Staximus]

I'm pretty sure the girls I didn't tell already knew

[Anonymous]

I was always about to move or in a relationship already. So obviously I didn’t tell them I liked them.

[Butterfly38142]

I’ve only been romantically interested in men beyond my reach.

[Daytoday79]

Of course. I think it's happened with most people.

[Anonymous]

If that happened, for sure I would say something cuz I wouldn’t want to lose him

[TediumIsTheWorstPain]

What if he was already married though? Or dating one of your friends?

[dragoblack]

When i was a teen in school.

[7Phoenix7]

Same lol..

[queenofcardio]

A few times.. Bad timing

[MissSunshine2]

Nope!

[7Phoenix7]

You always told them? Or they always found out? Lol

[MissSunshine2]

I always told them 🙂

[Phoenix98]

I think like once maybe.

[WonderingManII]

Yes of course.

[Zionne]

that happens to everyone

[LiamS95]

Yes, I would say it has regretfully.

[Anonymous]

Yes, every time...

[jazzy34]

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Yes..

[123459876]

Yes the writer of this question

[Crankor]

Yes, quite often

[AgentG111]

Yes.

[beefcakebradybatson]

Sure.

[Anonymous]

Of course.