
Have you ever been in LOVE with someone and not told them?

Yes, and it was a love triangle kinda. So I let her know and actually she seemed excited and turned on but I had to stop her from getting excited. I explained she was my friends girlfriend for going on 3 years and there was no way we could be an item. She then kinda looked bummed. I told her that because of how I was feeling that I didn't want to hang out with her anymore. The night before she had freely chosen to give me a lap dance... without any warning. I felt it was time to just be clear on the whole thing. They did end up breaking up like a year later.
But then she bounced onto another guy and they ended up married after like 6 months of talkin. That died in it's tracks because the dude clearly thought that marriage = all he could get if you know what I mean. Now she's been bouncing off of guys left and right and turning into a train wreck. I'm not slut shaming I mean you can physically see that she's been emotionally damaging herself after that initial 4 year relationship failed. If you're going to go out and have fun who am I to stop you? But jumping into one relationship after another to feel validated isn't going to help you out, just make you question the person in the mirror. I can say that from personal experience.
She should have come back to you. But the problem is women can't understand simple concepts sometimes. So when you told her that you couldn't date her because she was dating your friend, she probably interpreted that as a rejection of her. When it wasn't; it was a rejection of the circumstances.
@Jamie05rhs Damn that's a real shame. I would have happily dated her back then after the break up, maybe 2 months or so after so it wasn't hitting too close to home for either party. A shame how she destroyed her life in the end. honestly doesn't seem to be a lot of people in it for the right reasons anymore.
@t-8900 Yeah, it is a shame. Unfortunately, women are self-destructive in many cases when it comes to love.
Yes, I worked with a girl who was really sweet, honest, dependable, and super kind. She was also really good at her job too, which helped, Im attracted to motivation. We had a TON in common, and talked and saw each other non stop. She was 1 of my only 2 sexual experiences; the first at that. I absolutley adored her, not to say i was a simp lol. But I used to take her lunch, we went on a couple picnics with friends, would hang out together off-duty etc. However in my line of work relationships ruin careers, many men and women have been served papers and docs over simply flirting. One of my friends was given disciplinaries for just kissing his wife off-duty while in uniform. Too many people get feelings hurt easily nowadays. Anyway we worked together 4 years and she wanted to get into the dating scene but i didn't. I never told her how I really felt so I suppose she never knew xD. Or at least didn't know the full extent to how much I cared. I found out last year that she had gotten married, but the guy got her pregnant and beat her, she ended up misscarrying and getting a divorce and he went to federal prison. I always wondered if I should've told her.
YES.
It is my biggest regret so far.
It was almost 10 years ago and for some reason I was shy and I was deadly afraid of rejections.
Even though my crush did show some signs of interest. But my nerves got the better of me.
Of course one part of me thinks that if he does like me he should do something on his end.
But the other part of me (till now- well the feeling did fade slowly). Is constantly regretting at all the chances I didnāt take.
If I had tried to reach out to him and he did respond favourably, we could be married with kids now.
Fast forward, I did move on (not 100% but I can like other people) and I went to tell a guy I like him (but he doesnāt like me back :( )
But the feeling of sadness from rejection is wayyyyyy less heavy than the feeling of regret from what if couldāve been.
Maybe the next time I like someone again, I will tell him and maybe I will finally be lucky
Now I know why you're sad girl
Yeah when I was 18 :/
But now Iām a grown women and tell everyone how I feel about them. If I love you, youāre gonna know. Iām not looking for anything back. Just for you to know that someone loves you and youāre attractive or whatever😙
Fair enough, can't tell everyone though.
Especially if your crush is married. Best to take the high route then and just keep it inside where it belongs so it only silently kills and crushes your soul rather than anyone else's while continuing to be friends.
That just seems like unfairly and unnecessarily throwing the burden onto that person. It isn't like they're going to leave their spouse for you so there's absolutely no reason to let them know. Best to just keep the burden your own rather than add unneeded stress into their life and make things more difficult for them and, even worse, ruining an amazing friendship that you can already have. It's better to have someone in your life that you care about than not at all just for the sake of revealing something that really doesn't matter anyway.
Uhm a couple of thingsā¦
1. Itās not a burden for me to love someone I love. And
2. I DO NOT want anything back for my love. I donāt want him to leave his wife. If she makes him happy, then Iām happy. And lastlyā¦
3. I MUST tell people I love how I feel cuz itās the truth. If I want to be authentically myself, I canāt hide things like my love. The secret would be what would eat at me. Not the confession.
1: It becomes a burden as soon as this person knows because now it's added stress in their life. It's new drama for them to deal with knowing that a friend has feelings for them despite their married status and especially if they're the kind of person that shares everything with their beloved, including secrets. Because then that person finds out and asks them to stop seeing you.
2: There is always going to be an "assumed" desired outcome with a love confession. That is, that someone will change their mind and want to be with the confessor. It doesn't have to be true, it's just the honest nature of confessing your feelings to someone who is already taken, they feel some sort of pressure, no matter how small, to try and mitigate the emotional fallout for the confessor.
3: What if that confession is the end of your friendship?
@InventorofWarp
From your point #2, itās obvious that youāre talking about possession. Itās fine you wanna possess the object of your affection ā who would, right? But youāre going about it the wrong way. Come talk to me once you stop making excuses and wanna talk strategy on how to get the girl. Stop feeling sorry for yourself man. Now THATāS definitely a turnoff.
But... if you're talking about strictly love without possession, telling them is a must. And you're right about the assumed outcome part, that's why whenever I tell someone I love them, I start off with a disclaimer. Like, "Don't let this get to your head or nothing but..." Or "Don't expect me to cuff but..." Or "Don't leave your girl or nothing but..."
Something light and a little cocky. Then I laugh it off cuz we both know it's just feelings. And that's that. Then I occasionally flirt with them, no big deal. All the sudden I'm on their mind constantly and they fall for me too šš
I'll DM you about it from here on out, this is getting intriguing.
Nvm, your profile isn't open to DMs so... first off, fair enough.
You have secrets you want to share to me for this? I am open and ready.
There is always an assumed outcome and feeling of anxiety and burden from the confessee, especially if she/he is older and more settled and secure in life, it's just natural. They feel obligated to mitigate the emotional impact to the confessor regarding how they're feeling. A good amount of the time this becomes awkward or pressuring and they just end up cutting off contact entirely instead as a result.
You flirt with your crush after confessing to them? Lol, damn girl. Pulling out all the dangling strings.
Can't really flirt with them too much if they're married and if they are and then the confession is made DEFINITELY wouldn't want to jump into it again right away.
Although wanting to possess a crush as an object? Not really, it's just all feelings and one can't help their feelings.
@InventorofWarp I'll Dm you then
Opinion
65Opinion
I donāt think Iāve ever liked a guy who did not know how I felt, except maybe when I was 10, before my crushes became more intense, because Iāve always been transparent.
I don't think so. Don't remember that.
You're confusing love with infatuation. Infatuation is very powerful, but it's not the same as love. There's no such thing as love at first sight and you can't love someone you don't know intimately.
But in answer to your question, yes, I've had crushes on girls that I never admitted my feelings toward.
No confusion here⦠many people can spend a ton of time together and not be physically intimate and still have feelings for them.
I didn't mean to imply that you, personally, were confused. I didn't think you were. Maybe I should have phrased my reply differently.
I also may have misinterpreted the question. I thought you were talking about people who had secret crushes as opposed to two people already in a relationship.
Yes. My childhood friend Roxi (RIP) was a very wild, confident and courageous girl while I was the type as a little kid to run from my problems if I could. Many times I got dragged into fights that I would normally avoid because I did not want her fighting a group of people alone (even though I knew she could handle them). She would deliberately put me in situations that pushed me physically and mentally and would not let me settle for less than my best. She was easily the leader of the two of us. However, where I fell in love with her was a fight where she backed me up. I had a broken arm from doing stupid redneck stuff (thanks Roxi) and 3 kids decided to take the opportunity to jump me since it was their only chance to beat me. I never saw her move so fast or so fiercely. In about the span of 5 seconds two of them had a broken nose and she was chasing the third one with a bat. She only stopped when I asked her to.
Yes, I was literally fell in love with married woman and we did flirted each other. I realized that she have a wife and her two sons, and then I knew I shouldnāt have, So I made it right between her and me. I left her alone with her family and I had nothing with them.
I havenāt been fell in Love with anyone since stopped to see her in a year.
All the time. I honestly just keep it to myself because at this point, itās just not worth the humiliation. For some reason women lose respect for you when you tell them you love them. They start treating you very poorly, like a peasant. Also, once you tell them you love them, not only do they lose respect for you, they lose attraction also. The worst part is that many girls now a days use this vulnerability as a power play to extract dinners, attention, gifts, and all sorts of things and if a guy tried to take things to the next level (not sexually just in general) the reject you and tell you that everything youāve done for her was āyour choiceā and that she doesnāt owe you shit, and itās true, they donāt owe us shit. I just wish women would take advantage of it for their own personal gain only to call you entitled for desiring reciprocity. Itās truly sad how bad things are now a days.
I haveā¦. I told them when they broke up with me because they werenāt sure if theyād ever love me and had demons he had to work onā¦. Not sure what is trueā¦.. I still love him and would go back to him because he was my first love⦠Might not be the smartest choice unless he worked on himself
I miss and dream of so many girls that have rejected me. I wouldn't use the term in love because that usually refers to 2 people loving each other. If two people are married to those they aren't happy with, then one from both of these marriages may secretly fall in love behind the backs of their wife and husband. Thats how I define falling in love.
As far as girls like Scarlet Johanson, and all other pretty white celebrities go, I love their appearance but can't say im in love with them.
I was few times infatuated, but there were lot of obstacles like a pregnant girlfriend, the girl I liked was religiously indoctrinated (Watchtower), another one was a girlfriend of a friend...
I know myself, butterflies in my stomach and pleasant insecurity while looking in some girls eyes don't last long.
Love is different and it's mutual escalation of mutual infatuated couple over time. I don't think there is something like loving someone and not told them.
Yep. I confessed to him that I LIKED him once like 2 years ago and I assume he thinks Iām over it because we chat regularly as friends but nope. Now Iām in love with him but Iām fine with it being a friendship cause Iām working through my own issues.
Yes but I didnāt think they loved me. Ten years later I found out they did love me and thought I didnāt love them. Damn.
Yes definitely⦠Iāve always been content with my decision not to disrupt their life.
This is the good decision.
A few times but there was one instance I regret and in the nearly twenty years itās been since Iāve seen her, itās just something I canāt help but to ask myself, āWhat if?ā Most likely scenario is that nothing would have come of it. But the question still remains.
Yes I fell in love with with a lady that worked for my father. The problem was I never got the chance to tell her. We hit it off great I was on break from my duty station in the army and thatās when we met. We hung out and things were clicking. I was devoured and she pretty much knew everything about me before we met. My time flew by and in the end I chocked and didnāt get her number or address to write her. When I got back I found out that she went back to her old boyfriend, it stunk.
I think yes. There is this one woman who got me fully inspired. We were working overseas that time and we (along with several others) stayed on a multi-room apartment. We got close, we went out (mostly with others but we went out just the 2 of us a couple of times) to the mall, to restaurants, to parks.
I didn't push it through because she's married. Her husband works on a different country as well.
See I don't consider that love. Love is reciprocated. What you're describing is a crush to me.
And yes. I don't ask women out anymore. Ergo I'm not going tobtip her off if I'm harboring feelings towards her. The good news is 1. I don't catch feelings very easily. And 2. If I start to i do all I can to stamp those feelings out. Love is a social disease and I do my best to see that I don't become infected.
I disagree with your last sentence. But I understand how you feel.
@Jamie05rhs with the last sentence I just meant that I keep a tight reign on my emotions. I'm still open to love I'm just realistic about my future. Women showed minimal interest in me in my past. The ones that show interest now are generally just trying exploit me. So I just try to be patient. Because women will use your emotions to exploit you, leave, and really not care about what state they left you in.
I fell in love with a girl. She had a lazy no good boyfriend who literally didn't do anything but complain and play video games. She confessed to me she wasn't happy but also in so many words told me she couldn't leave him. I fell soo deeply in love with her that It physically had me in pain. I couldn't bring myself to tell her due to the fact I knew she wouldn't leave his no good sorry ass.
Yeah... I have did that coz when i know it's impossible to have conversation wid them... so yes i have.
At one point when I was younger, yes. It would have gone over like a lead balloon though because I was unaware of how to convey my interest outside of what I had seen in movie, TV, etc.
Are you saying holding a boombox over your head in front of a girls house is a bad idea?
@horatiohornblower you know it is, smartass.
Iāve only so far fell for celebs and men I saw in tv, not anyone in person lol
Yes, I have. The absolute biggest mistake of my life. She moved with her parents several states away. She was my best friend for 12 years. I should've said something, but it's too late now.
Iām
Currently
Living it
So what you going to do?
Nothing lol. He doesnāt initiate messages let alone a date
I will wait for my heart to let it go.. soon!
Yeah you deserve way better.
No because it's doesn't reach that state. If there is no relationship. Being attracted to someone isn't loving them.
Maybe more crushing than actual love. If that's a sensible answer. That's the most for me. Crushing and crushing on her or a few other women, so far, and crushing hard 😅😅🙄
Yes, when I was 16 I hung out with a girl. I fell in love with her and I was so shy around girls I could not tell her.
Whatever happened... does it remain in your soul to this day? Or was she nothing and you've moved after so long now? Just curious about long term šš
@pickedcrisps I went away to school but lost my scholarship so when I came back i went to see her and made up my mind that I was going to tell her how I felt. We were supposed to go out and I had the whole speech in my head. I stopped by where she worked and I was going to give her a ride home (she did not have a car) and they told me she was not there. So I went to her house and her mother invited me to wait. A half hour later the phone rings and it is her. She tells me they had an emergency at work and she had to stay. I did not want to tell her that I knew she was lying because her mother was standing there.
I left and never contacted her again.
Okay. Is she like a soul mate type memory or she's easily forgettable? I'm just trying to work out without opening old wounds emotionally, as to what she meant or what she means to you today in the present š®
Sympathies šš
Damn. Was she that much of a looker or was it just literally love at her first sight? I'm just finally last question trying to figure out whether you had a pull with her from the start of intense love/lust at first sight or first interactions, or was this chick just something else less significant? From memory? š
But a love at first sight or no? , Please? Very keen to know. ,
*sigh* yesss
never, no...
I only call it love when it's a matter of two...
if it is one sided, to me that's just infatuation
I've never been in love with anyone.
How come? Just haven't met the right person?
No but I've wanted to fuck plenty women and not told them
Īt is none of their business what I feel or what I dont feel.
I don't know if i was in love, but I've pushed away an ex i deeply cared about. we were only together three months. We never got to the point of saying āi love youā. Broke up almost two months, still think bout him every day.
yup. I'm currently doing that right now with one of my friends. I absolutely adore him but he has no idea.
I was completely smitten by this guy at school. I never told him. I dated his best friend a few years back and confessed then. By that point the guy wansnt that great anymore
Wow.
If he stopped being great, then you never truly loved him.
My female co-worker (at a hospital) sometimes jokes that female patients weren't interested in me, while maybe despite me complimenting her I guess she doesn't know that I have a crush on her.
My crush kind of guessed it. Bless her razor sharp perceptiveness.
No Iāve I've always told them when o feel that way.
Once but the person in question was already married with children, there was no way I would have broken that family's happiness.
I was for a long ass time. But I eventually told them.
Yeah I have my best friends I have feelings for him
I feel this. I can never tell my best friend (opposite gender) how I feel.
You can be infatuated and blind, but it's not love unless it's mutual
Yes I have because actually I am very shy around Women OT may not seem like it but trust me it's very true.
God Bless
No you have to tell them always when itās gone that far
Sometimes you just can't.
Yes a couple of times. Why make things awkward for everyone?
Itās the only way I survived being hurt all this long. I do it all the time
Nope I haven't
I've only had crushes, never been in love before
I thought you deleted this account lol
And yes it's true
Nope
Yeah I'm good
Nah I'm good
Nah - why would you not make it known? Wait for it to transparent?
Not "in love", probably 5 or so that I wanted to be
Nope. Iāve never really been in āloveā until now, and me and her have been together fir a year.
One time, I regret not telling her, I heard later that she liked me and I could have gotten with her. To late now.
My mother and sheās dead now so sheāll never know how I really felt
Nope. But I have had a crush on a few, and a big crush on one of them, and never told them.
Nope. I usually tell my girls I love them. Only time I donāt is when weāre not dating
Nope I've been in love twice and they both new at time and now
Yes, right now. I am in love with a man I can't tell because he won't communicate with me.
Yes everytime i behind a nice ass woman in leggings
My rule- " If you love someone, let them know"
many times, but I don't think it was true love. I mean it's more like heat of the moment.
Yes have you _
I have not.
No being too silent isn't my problem
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