How do I heal years-long depression after being devalued by a guy?

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel like I’m enough.. I don’t know how to shake this depressive , heavy mood off my spirit after briefly talking to a man who I thought actually liked me. Once he realized sex wasn’t going to be involved in which I told him day one that I didn’t want to be used and that my emotional and mental wellbeing came first. I blame myself for posting sexy pics in an attempt to feel good and confident about myself because I already have horrible self esteem and self image.. I deal with depression and was not interested in dating at all.

Without getting in to all that… I felt absolutely crushed by him in the end. He lied, he was borderline verbally abusive by devaluing me and he trashed me..

I can’t seem to get a grip on the fact that he doesn’t want to be with me and that maybe he never did. It impacted me so hard for almost 3 years and it’s absolutely hard to get out of this ache.. impacting my job.. even after therapy, medication, prayer, inpatient care from the depression… I still just can’t shake my feelings. I only see myself as he sees me.

I sent him a text last week telling him that he makes me hate living… I gave him the little power I had once again. I’m miserable for reasons I can’t explain.. he’s not responsible for me or my emotions but I wish he cared to end things just a little better.

[Cyfris]

Sounds like you are in a rough spot but the answer is the hardest most simple thing ever. It is baby steps. One tiny obtainable goal at a time. Own your failures the trashy pics and unstable emotional state.. It's all you and it's all in the past and you can't change the past.. So what can you change.. the future.. I'm not sure how deep in the hole you are but for me digging my way out began with making my bed one day a week.. then 2 days a week. little tiny step by step actions reclaiming all the things i let go of on the way down. Then as I climbed it became walking around the block and just saying hi to a stranger 1 out of 10 walks then 2 out of 10. Then I got to a place where I was doing enough of the things I had to that I could start doing things I wanted to. Little by little more and more and then one day I started to have fun and enjoy those things. then one day I felt good because I did something I wanted to and enjoyed it. Then i started to find bits of happiness in other things.. Eventually I developed a hobby and regularly attended and made new friends. And one day while I was busy making other plans life happened and I met someone who changed everything... One bed once a week was all it took but it took all I had. There is always a way and you can find yours. Just one step and then another.

[teamvic]

Hmmm. Firstly you need to scrounge the fact that he Definitely was only trying to use you for sex

Then you need to understand that just because he did doesn't mean the next will

Although I dont recommend post ass cheeks, because thats exactly what you're attracting

Yes all men want to fuck you. Every straight guy you meet that you start talking to will want to fuck you But were not worried about that. We're looking a guy thats interested in doing much more than just that. Posting booty pictures kind of only attracts the sex only

As far as how do you get yourself out of it. Hmm I could just tell you to accept how your body is but thats easier said than done.

Even though it is the correct thing to do. The only one thst can truly get you out of this slump is yourself

Perhaps stop looking and seeing only the negatives and look at whats attractive about you. And dont give me that," there's nothing attractive about you"

You need to start looking at yourself in a positive point of view. Even if its just small. Its a start

[MontBlanc]

Healing from something like that takes time, especially if the experience affected your self worth.

When someone devalues you repeatedly, it can slowly make you question your value, even if their behavior says more about them than about you.

Real healing often starts with rebuilding how you see yourself.

That can mean setting boundaries, surrounding yourself with people who treat you with respect, and giving yourself space to rediscover what makes you feel strong and whole again.

It’s not about rushing the process.

It’s about slowly reclaiming your sense of worth and remembering that one person’s treatment doesn’t define who you are.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It’s late here and I am a bit sleepy, but I want to check in here so that I help you tomorrow.

You can get through this and that man doesn’t decide your value… You are enough.

The rest for tomorrow…

[OneViewpoint]

Stop allowing other people to determine your value. If a guy tries to use you, kick him to the curb and move on to the next guy. He was an asshole. Why do you want his approval? Why do you want him around? Instead be happy he self identified as an asshole before you wasted more time on him.

[DonaldDarko]

That's odd, I was way hung up on a girl that turned out to be a real asshole. I don't even think about her much. I wonder about me sometimes for thinking she was all that. I don't really think about her, much , lots of girls are shitty people ask any man who draws breath.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he mostly wanted you for sex, and he was willing to manipulate you for it. Forget about him and bury it if you have to. Eventually you'll find someone who is will be willing to wait until a genuine connection is formed. This guy clearly didn't care for you.

[Staximus]

Why are you so hung up on some piece of shit guy when there are literally a million more guys out there who will treat you better?

[Staximus]

Why is this guy and what he thinks so important? He's not Jesus or something. Why did you text him? For more abuse? That's your problem. You don't need any more abuse.

[slatyb]

Professional counseling can help repair your self-image.

[nightowl_9_4]

It is because you have gone through trauma and are in pain. It is going to take time to work through that pain. How your ex treated you does not define your worth as a person or say anything about you.

[FreyaRed]

You over dramatize

[jahaims]

By getting your value from healthy sources