Why do some men commit only after you finally walk away?

[MissSunshine2]

I waited a year and a half for a man to commit to me and he always had an excuse and wanted to play the field.

I walked away and after two days of no contact, he came back and asked me out on a real date, this time. Now he’s chasing me. But I have already given up and met someone who might be able to give me more stability and consistency.

[William7489]

It’s a strange phenomenon I experienced as a guy when I got engaged. My cousin warned me about it, but it was bizarre. Once I got engaged all these weird ex-girlfriend’s would come up to me or email me out of nowhere, or a good looking girl at the gym would come up and talk to me, things that would never happen before. There’s something about a person who is unattainable. It’s kind of like this guy now has to have you once you’re not interested in him. It’s really a bad attitude and getting into the deep psychology of it is kind of a waste of time. Suffice it to say it’s selfish behavior and not healthy. You’re much better off with someone who wants to be in your life when you show interest as well

[Grond21]

He isn't committing now. He is doing the same thing he did before, which is being dishonest.

[Grond21]

Thanks for the MHO!

[Summeroflove]

Seems like game playing….. Some people only really start caring when they see they’re going to loose someone even if they completely intend on cutting the relationship off. Let me explain….. It’s about control. Chances are they will end the relationship themselves later after things start going well again.

This isn’t healthy and I would say some people are better off letting go. If I wait a year and a half for someone….. and they won’t commit to even a committed relationship. I would say….. okay she’s had her chance. I’m moving on probably long before that. Even if she all the sudden started trying. Many times it’s just because they’re loosing control seeing someone move on and they also can’t take the thought of someone moving on from them.

Maybe he’s just immature and really does like you. But in the end…. Protect yourself.

[sage2021]

I would stay with the new guy and be happy with him.

There's so many different reasons why the other guy is suddenly behaving this way.

He was probably seeing someone else and it didn't work out.

He was afraid to make a commitment to you before but when you broke up with him, he realized that he blew it with you and it scared him that he lost you forever.

He might have commitment phobia and really cannot be committed to anyone. If he does have this he would only change his mind again if you took him back and break up with you.

Some guys like the chase. But once they get you, they don't want you.

He might be jealous that you are seeing someone else so his jealousy is his driving force.

[genericname85]

they don't. they just adjust their behavior to get what they want. as soon as they get you back, they'll go back to less commitment. stop wasting time with that type of men. he's not willing to commit but he's willing to pretend to if that keeps you around.

[Nikki1989]

Your departure turns a "theoretical" loss into a "physical" reality. The sudden pain of absence outweighs the fear of commitment.

[Vegasrunner]

Its because you've only been able to attract low value men. Men of value simply replace women they never chase them.

[MissSunshine2]

No, I’ve had two high value boyfriends in the past, but that’s mostly true.

[Vegasrunner]

@MissSunshine2 Did they break up with you?

[MissSunshine2]

Sometimes. Other times it was me.

[Vegasrunner]

@MissSunshine2 Huh? I thought you said you only had 2?

[MissSunshine2]

Two high value men. Heaps of duds though. I might’ve recently met a new guy that’s decent. It might be three.

[Vegasrunner]

@MissSunshine2 You're avoiding my question which provides the answer. I asked if the HV men broke up with you?

[AngryCarl3]

This kind of guy is motivated primarily by fear. His fear of abandonent finally overcame his fear of commitment.

All of this should be a red flag.

[Tarifa]

If he hasn't made up his mind about you after 18 months, he doesn't value you enough.

[WhitneySnow]

They regret what they lost once you walk away for good

[Bricealan]

@MissSunshine2 Nothing wrong with what you suggest and want.

[Alex-Snow]

He did not deserve you!

[jahaims]

They are emotionally immature

[Zionne]

realization