When a first date asks if you’re “all natural,” is that a compliment or a red flag?

Question

I am not exclusively dating anyone as of now, so still exploring my options.

Yesterday after a dinner and hours of intellectual conversation, I was asked If I was all natural on a first date, he said he was curious because I looked far better than he has seen the photos of mine and he thought he got lucky and met me in my prime. I took it as a compliment. But didn’t like being that concentrated on that topic.

He was an intellectual person and was curious whether I noticed any difference between how people treated me before or after nose surgery, I said I have not noticed it, because I was treated pretty well before too and I keep all my old photos of mine on social media, because I love that version of me.

He said he was nicely surprised that I ended up being prettier than he expected and to remember “I even liked you with your old nose, keep that in mind, while thinking of whether or not to meet me again.”

I am not going to go on another date though, because he’s very intelligent but his political ideologies (I won’t say what because it’s too specific) but are totally different from mine, I will just say that me dating him would be the same as that woman who dates a man who thought of himself as a Napoleon.

I’ll stick to my current dates and see where they go.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

I'm not sure of all the context, the tone... the conversation before and after or why this question came out in the first place, so I could only assume a lot of things however

he did ask a leading question, and for you to report a "full body" situation, and when people ask that, is not just curiosity, but it is also a judgment to come

and that's if you're "fake" or "how fake you are" because that's how some people see cosmetic/corrective surgery... as someone being "fake and plastic" and the most cynical of people also include makeup and fancy bras as "a woman being fake"

maybe he wasn't feeling that insecure or judgy... but at the very least, he's definitely way too focused on all that beauty on the surface, which, sure why not... anybody should be excited by meeting someone who happens to be even greater looking than they thought the person was, but... they are better ways and better times for these kind of compliments, if they're meant to be compliments

something odd is to say "I like how you ended prettier but I liked you the way before too" and then asking/assuming if others judged you because of your nose as well and this is just not a good thing because it places a lot of importance on how you look as if people only saw you and liked you based only on this? I don't know...

this is sometimes a problem with intellectual people lol... sure, they're highly intelligent on a couple of things, but then they're not smart enough for other things, lol but that's just me being judgy, lmao

I don't know girl... I guess it's more important how you felt about it, and if it makes you hesitate or doubt, oh well... that's definitely not a good sign at all

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Virtually no one is going to have a problem with a nose job to repair an injury. But many men don't want to be with a woman with fake boobs, butt implants, cheek implants, etc., or tattoos or body piercings. These things used to be rare enough that you didn't need to ask about them, but today they are so common that it is necessary. That's regrettable, but men aren't the ones who changed the equation - that was women.

The other thing is (and this might not be you, but it's incredibly common) that so many women have no problem at all telling men on a first date (or even before) about HER list of demands that he must meet, and he's supposed to just be okay being told that he must be so tall, and make so much money, have this education and that career, and be prepared to take her to this restaurant and on that vacation, and on and on, and men are supposed to just accept this without complaint. Well, many men have accepted this, but they are also turning it right back around and setting their own boundaries and expectations, and women aren't happy about that either. But once again, it wasn't men who changed the rules, it was women.

So if you aren't happy with the changes in the ways people date today, focus your criticism at the people who initiated the changes: other women. Men are just reacting and adjusting to the new rules that women have insisted upon.

SueShe · Accepted Answer

If that date does not specify exactly what he means by "all natural", then to me, that it is a huge red flag and the date is over and there will never be a subsequent date. Ever.

"All natural" can have so many different meanings and the first one that comes to mind is obviously if the victim is aesthetically not manipulated (Botulin injections, breast implants and the like).

That fact is absolutely unimportant and none of that person's business to know.

If on the other hand he says "are you all natural in the way you think", then the walls go slightly down because he not referring to the looks but more to the intellect.

7Phoenix7 · Accepted Answer

I think it can come off as a compliment… but it also reveals where his attention is focused.

The “you’re prettier than I expected” and “remember I liked your old nose” parts would stand out to me more than the question itself.

It’s interesting how something can sound flattering, but still feel slightly off at the same time.

Finchie40 · Answer

I think it’s a disrespectful question to ask someone on the first date , it’s ok to have preferences of what you like and don’t like , but the proper thing to do is keep that shit to yourself , not put someone on the spot , because you want to make sure they match your preferences like it means something , people that hold preferences like it’s the most important thing , are setting themselves up for disaster because little do they realize, no one is perfect on this planet whatsoever , so if I was you , and I was asked that question , I would be sarcastic and say yes I am fake , I am made out of silicone and plastic so I am sorry to waste your time, and walk the other way immediately. So you are doing the right thing by not dating that moron ever again.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It sounds like this is one of those guys who overthinks everything (perhaps because he in insecure,) and maybe a bit autistic because he failed to apprehend the inappropriateness of his inquiry. Maybe notm but trust your gut instincts.

Summeroflove · Answer

Depends on the intentions behind it and how it was said.

AviatorTom · Answer

It's a question. I wouldn't call it a compliment or a red flag.

Tyler_with_Questions · Answer

In your specific case, the question "Are you all natural?" was likely intended as a compliment, reflecting surprise and admiration for your appearance. However, your discomfort with the focus on that topic is understandable and valid. It does seem an odd thing to ask. Usually it is asked in regards to a woman’s breasts. I’m not sure how shapely you are.

But in the end, it’s important to trust your feelings about the interaction. Since you also found other differences (political ideologies) significant enough to not continue dating, it seems you made a thoughtful and well-rounded decision. If you’re not aligned on worldview, considerations about appearance are moot anyway.

spartan55 · Answer

Oh my... Napoleon? 😂 This is the type of content that keeps me glued to your dating notes. Lol.
All natural... hmmm. He could have been referring to your hair color or your boobs, depends on the context. A little bit weird for Sir Bonaparte to talking about that so soon. Oh well. Au revoir dude !

AngryCarl3 · Answer

I'd question the authenticity of a guy who comments on your appearance and accuses you of being fake. At best he's extremely shallow, at worst he's some kind of a nut job. Also, intellectual conversation? Intellectuals are notoriously bad in bed.

Anonymous · Answer

Well it's just a straight-up question.
No compliments or red flags intended.
It is someone being upfront at the beginning, trying to know what he/she is getting into.

If this would actually trigger a person to see it as a red flag, actually the asker is the one that should back off politely and walk away.

Anyone that is initially getting to know another person should be allowed to ask about what is important for him/her. Otherwise what will happen is that the person would emotionally commit/bond and then find out that this one is not what he/she was looking for. But that means it will become a loose-loose situation. If the person stays in the relationship, he/she will be disappointed in not getting what he/she was looking for.
If he/she breaks the relationship, it will be a heartbreak.

So... better to ask in advance.

William7489 · Answer

I would say it’s a little bit of a red flag. That’s a bit personal of a subject to bring up on a very first date. A first date needs to be relaxed, casual and not touch on anything remotely, private or intimate. I think you made the right call in the end. Like I said it doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. He just might not have social skills. He can’t read the room. There’s people like that. Either way glad that worked out.

loveslongnails · Answer

If he asks that, be very wary, and here's why:

The only thing an observant man can't deduce from observation on that subject, would be your breasts. He can see if you're wearing fake eyelashes, or plastic nails, or if your hair is bleached or heavily colored, and more than likely if you've got botox lips. So what he's really asking is "are your tits and ass real, and are you a biological female"?

He DOES have a right to know if you're trans, in my opinion, from the start. But if fake boobs are the one thing that matters to him more than anything else, it may be a red flag for you. From my perspective, I wouldn't be asking a girl out who wore that other stuff anyway.

Tarifa · Answer

I wonder why he would focus so much on your appearance during a first date. I would think the conversation is more important.

whosnumber_1 · Answer

It sounds a lot like objectification which if that's what happened it's pretty bold to verbalize it to your face the way he did. He should have used the opportunity to compliment you on your appearance in a flattering way. Like if you were wearing that black dress - how distracting you are or how he enjoys looking at your eyes... It was really a lost opportunity.

genericname85 · Answer

not necessarily a compliment. i find that just a regular neutral question. some people don't prefer artificial enhancement, that's all.

CherryLove007 · Answer

Always flip it back to them and don't answer right off the bat and casually ask them later in the convo... well I was wondering if you have ever had any surgery done on yourself? First dates are for excitement of your company and topics of what you both enjoy doing and really not diving into appearances. My two cents.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I would assume he is a total asshole.

Kabluie · Answer

Yeah, vastly different politics is a deal breaker in this day and age now, way more than a natural question. But knowing these two conditions you can probably tell which end of the spectrum they are. I see on social media many times that "conservatives" hate septum piercings and the joke they never seem to get is these women aren't interested in you buddy.

Staximus · Answer

Asians love plastic surgery, and you already fell into the Chinese trap of getting plastic surgery. I don't know why you would ever get a nose job, you're beautiful and should have accepted yourself. Women always think they need to change their face or body, but what they need to do is change their way of thinking. Nobody's perfect.

nolabels · Answer

He sounds flakier than grandma's pie crust to me.

Lliam · Answer

All natural could be curiosity about your boobs. But when I hear "all natural", I think of women who don't shave their legs, underarms or elsewhere.

Miristheiss · Answer

A sign of the times. So many women that are unnatural... fake stuff in their bodies, alterations. People used to always be all natural. Now... tons are not.

AgentG111 · Answer

It's a valid question in this day and age.  Either you want an actual human being that is an adult and hasn't altered themselves or if they have is it something you are okay with them altering.

msc545 · Answer

That's a bit of a red flag and pretty damn rude, actually.

RavVid · Answer

I don't think I would ask that as I'd be more preoccupied with assessing how firm your breasts are :)

DryGermanGuy · Answer

He must be a competitor of Dr. Schlotkin. 🤔

Tomislav7 · Answer

A drug and alcohol counselor once asked me what i thought of her makeup, i said i hadn't noticed. She seemed upset or something but she looked the same to me with or without makeup

jshm2 · Answer

Seems neither, as they were not fixated on it.

beenherebefore · Answer

None. I think he's trying to see if you're honest or not.

Cuminginside · Answer

I thought that meant that she doesn't shave her triangle?

aquamarine321 · Answer

I personally don’t see an issue with a question like that, but modern feminist women will have a big issue

MissSunshine2 · Answer

Ask him if he’s all ape 🙂

Iron_Man · Answer

How many different guys are you dating at once per week?

worldscolide · Answer

Dude sounds like a bit of a dick. Glad you dodged that bullet

TediumIsTheWorstPain · Answer

Depends. Was he talking about your boobs, or your carbon footprint?

Agape93 · Answer

I'd suggest not seeing him again

dragoblack · Answer

It's definitely an trigger question regardless of context. But, with the context, he was wondering if you were wearing a lot of makeup and cosmetics

Pohjolan · Answer

Its a compliment for you if one is all natural and if one is not then its a compliment for their surgeon.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

I'm a naturally handsome, brainy black cowboy.

Anonymous · Answer

It's a question to try to ensure that there are no unpleasant surprises at a later time. And in these weird times, it's a very worthwhile question

Anonymous · Answer

Just they wondering are you boobs fake  Are they?

Grilo · Answer

Not nice for a first date

exitseven · Answer

I think it would be okay.

bowenw · Answer

🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Jeff51 · Answer

He could be curious.

Hulk30 · Answer

neither really

Anonymous · Answer

It could be good or bad

slatyb · Answer

red flag

MrChinaski · Answer

It's odd.

Sal_Monella · Answer

It's rude.

888theGreat · Answer

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