Why does it feel like you can’t be direct or vulnerable with a modern woman in any way?

[Anonymous]

What have they been teaching these women in their cosmo magazines growing up or whatever it was called? It just seems like if you want a real relationship, you need to be willing to be vulnerable and accept someone in their vulnerable moments as well, and be willing to give and receive love.

But if you’re direct, honest, and/or just simply available for women these days, you’re a “simp” and it’s like an instant and automatic turn off for them, despite them saying that this is all exactly what they want in a man. Actually what they mean is, they want a millionaire man with 6 pack abs and a sharp hairline to simp for them.

So aside from becoming that, which may or may not be very feasible depending on who you are, what is a guy supposed to do? Most reasonably attractive woman nowadays has this borderline influencer kind of mentality, or at least where she expects a certain amount of excitement and luxury in her life. I can give that to someone to a point, but something has to give as that is just not realistic all of the time.

[Summeroflove]

You have to be careful who you open up to just in general not only romantic relationships. Real relationships are nurturing and empathetic not all women are narcissists who lack this ability. But many narcissists can also fake empathy and then use things against you later as well as knowing the buttons to hit.

There is really two extremes ones men being soft and docile. The other meaning you can never show emotions even inside your own house. Both are just genuinely a miserable way to live. If you don’t show emotions or are honest it’s toxic masculinity if you do you’re a beta simp. Whatever.

You cannot win with everyone because no matter what you do someone’s going to say something. So you can’t just live by what some magazine says or what people say. Whatever dude.

I will say. If you’re going to marry someone she better be empathetic to you and let you be vulnerable and that goes beyond just showing emotions. If she can’t…. If she feels insecure by it or whatever. Leave her. If she uses things against you. Leave her. Women who cannot nurture or be empathetic not only make for bad wives but bad mothers as well. So leave. Don’t live that nightmare.

[slatyb]

I don't feel that at all. I expect you are oversharing, asking for something before getting any sign of interest. If you see an attractive women in a non-social setting and ask for her number before any conversation, you appear desperate, and desperate is creepy. Here's a conversation I had in the local UPS store with a woman with an immaculate short haircut:

"Fantastic hair cut"
"Oh, it's new, I'm not sure about it."
"Well it really suits you..."

Then a little bit more talk. If I were single I would have invited her to lunch. She may have said yes, or no, but she wouldn't feel threatened. If she had cut it short with just "Thanks" I would have just said "Have a good day" and left it at that.

[Mariogirl09]

I think you should leave an immature woman right there point blank and move on to the next woman. Her loss

[Nikki1989]

That is obviously 100% an issue that only exists inside your insecure skull.

[Lliam]

Being direct is fine. But few women are attracted to men who want to talk about their insecurities and expect sympathy. Women want masculine men who can face adversity and challenges with stoicism and resolve. They want men who make them feel safe and secure, not weaklings who need emotional support. They don't want to hear about a man's insecurities.

That being said, it's okay to let down your guard and be tender and vulnerable at times when talking about feelings.

[Asker]

I don’t think I even mean about being vulnerable about insecurities, more about simply having an attraction or feelings for them, liking them, and so forth. Maybe I just feel or say too much, or maybe I’m just not that attractive to them. I don’t get much indication. Not like some of my friends have, some have the wildest stories about girls being extremely forward with them. I’ve never had that.

However last time I went out, I was chatting with the bar tender and she was feeling me I could tell. Prolonged eye contact even after I stopped talking. Even my buddy was like woah you notice that? I think she likes you. But really, I was just talking and taking mental notes. Experimenting. I wasn’t really into her enough to go further.

Maybe I’m not doing too bad.

[Lliam]

I think that's how you do it. Just talk to women like regular people. Be interested in what they have to say. Engage in conversation and let them signal how to proceed.

[NathanDavis]

that's a you problem..

I've never had that issue

[Asker]

So you’re saying you can be forward and honest with women and it works in your favor?

[NathanDavis]

I can say I've always been... and it has never been an issue, yes

but just keep in mind... that being forward and honest, assertiveness is not being the same as

being a douchebag or a creep, or a desperate insecure man either... there are ways to go about it too

[Asker]

Right not saying it is.

[AngryCarl3]

Never be vulnerable around a woman, particularly one you fancy. Women are looking for a strong protector and provider, not an emotional wimp. On the other hand, I've never heard a woman complain that a man was too direct.

[Asker]

Amazing how they want a man to love them but not be IN love with them.

[Anonymous]

Guys seem extra extra whiny on here today...