How do I stay hopeful about a long-distance crush without feeling delusional?

[Anonymous]

I don’t wanna count my chickens because while we did meet in person at an event, most of the time she lives about 1000 miles from me, but she very affirmatively agreed for a rain check to a date and we’re supposed to have a FaceTime call this week but it’s just she has a fairly active social media presence and it seems like she’s always off having fun somewhere, and I just think to myself, girls like this, never give me a chance, so I try not to think this way, but just based on past experience of stuff never working out for me, hopefully the video call goes well and we go from there, but yeah, also not being able to take her out on a date immediately counts against me too. I would be willing to fly there and we could hang out for a weekend or something, but I’m not gonna seem too eager or desperate to do that. So it’s about finding a balance.

[HollyK21]

Distance like that just isn’t feasible for any real length of time unless either of you have plans of relocating. It’s quite possible she’s trying to be polite but ultimately isn’t interested in maintaining an LDR. Doesn’t even have to be about you as a person, your looks or whatever, just the reality of how burdensome this sort of arrangement can be, not everyone is suited for that regardless of how much they may like the person.

[Asker]

I would 100% move if it meant being in a relationship with this woman. So yeah.

[Asker]

also, if she was trying to be polite. She could’ve simply done what women do and nudge guys away if they’re not interested.

[HollyK21]

Unfortunately that is not what some women do. A lot of us worry about confrontation, hurting feelings, not wanting to be mean, etc. As a result it lands us in first dates we didn’t want to be on or sending mixed signals in an effort to be “friends”. Of course this comes easier to some women and they will either be fully transparent with letting you down, or as you said, nudge guys away. It’s just too often that women worry about the consequence. Obviously I could be wrong, but I feel as though without validation or clarity being provided by the person in question, then areas of speculation that you don’t necessarily agree with is still fair.

In any case, my perspective is mainly based off how I’ve seen LDRs play out, but that doesn’t mean it will be the case for you. As of right now, I’d say not to be overly hopeful and I’d give you that advice regardless of whether she were long distance or not. It’s just generally smarter not to over-invest or put all your eggs in one basket before having the assurance to do so.

[Asker]

I thought she was ignoring me after she didn’t respond to teo invites.. one to go to an event with me and the other to have dinner.. then a day later she writes me and she just didn’t end up going where I thought she was going. She said “definitely yes” to a date next time we can, and then she said yes to a facetime

We aren’t in person now.. wouldn’t be awkward to find some way to say no. It’s not like I’m ambushing her on the spot in person and she can’t think about what to say first

[Mariogirl09]

I think you are staying hopefuly how you are now. Maybe not think ahead so much? It seems to put a damper on your mood

[exitseven]

Do not get too invested in this unless she shows you she feels the same way.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[Nikki1989]

Long-distance, crush, FaceTime. How many wrongs can you fit into one paragraph?

[Abbycado]

You already are delusional if you think this will work.

[Anonymous]

Try to be realistic.

[In_Trance]

This is gnarly