Why don’t more women value security?

[Anonymous]

I actually have come across a woman who seems very selective and seems to value and see me as a good option based on our conversations. Not to get too ahead of myself here, but we’ve been talking for a little over a month. She’s very forward and responsive, and I get a sense that’s she’s very grounded and respectful which is a huge green flag. But this is honestly so rare as a guy, trying to get myself out there more.

I just wonder what she sees in me that other women don’t?

Truthfully I think other women do they just try their luck with other guys that seem a bit more “difficult” to tame. I am pretty tame. I’ve noticed a number of single mom’s showing me attention in recent months also for example (which, I don't know how to really feel about that), so it’s like I know that women see it on some level, in a broader sense.

I just wonder why it’s not more appreciated? It seems to take a “string of conditions” to occur before women nowadays stop and think about a man’s future potential, and actually act on it and show some interest in return.

[HollyK21]

I wouldn’t say that more women don’t value security, it’s just that security isn’t everything. It’s an important element to any relationship obviously, just as loyalty and trust are. But in my opinion, women mainly value compatibility, whether it’s attraction, communication, consistency, etc; these are all elements of being compatible, and without those things I think the rest could fall apart. she's secure, she trusts you, the foundation is there; yet you can’t build the house because you aren’t able to connect on levels that actually bring you together as a couple.

If security were the most valuable/important part of a relationship then would just settle into something arranged and pray the emotional connection, attraction, etc find the relationship at some point. That’s just not what most women want, and because we now can self sustain, we don’t need to sacrifice our overall happiness in order to survive (aka being dutiful housewives), we can afford to be pickier and more intentional with the connections we choose to make. If a man’s frustration boils down to ‘why must women be picky, why not just shack up with the guy who’s willing to provide security’, then that’s just something for him to unpack. Like you’re wondering what this woman sees woman sees in you that others don’t, maybe it’s more about you and less about the women in question.

[lolitsme1123]

From my understanding of the straight-person dating pool, women are sometimes hesitant to lean into something that presents as “security” because in a lot of cases, it’s just a facade. The best abusers are hidden in plain sight, with a straight smile and combed hair and gentlemanly gestures to lead a girl into a situation they struggle to get back out of. You mentioned a lot of the women interested are single moms, so not only do they have to worry about themselves, but also their child/children.


I think, as long as you show patience and understanding, things will fall into place at their own pace. It takes time for people to get comfortable, especially when it’s not just THEIR lives that are being affected when adding someone new into their day-to-day. Dw, you got this.

[Anonymous]

Because most women figure they have a debit card with near unlimited balance between their legs. Need a place to sleep? Swipe. Need transportation? Swipe. Need groceries? Swipe. Need a bill paid? (that's a little harder) but find the right guy, and... swipe.

Because of this most women only prioritize what they WANT. What they need they can always get some schmuck guy to pay for.

Sounds like you might've found a good one dude.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Reading you, it looks like you're trying to make sense of your specific experience using or trying to isolate generalisations that could prove or disprove anything. I think it's an odd wave you're riding lol

For this reason, I believe your question can't lead to any valid answer, because it conflates women in general with a small fraction of women you interact with

[HollyK21]

Well said 👏

[Anonymous]

Still trying to figure this out at your age. Good God!

[Asker]

It’s not a crazy question to ask in an age of highly liberal women that are increasingly not marrying, or taking anything seriously, well into their 30’s. It takes two to tango. 🤷‍♂️

[jahaims]

Because most have a false sense of safety from being sheltered

[karlaatsd]

I think most do