Why did this flirty guy say he’s visiting my city, then go silent?

[Anonymous]

After 1.5 months of no contact, a guy I flirt with on and off texted me on Wednesday saying, "I'm coming to your city this weekend."

I kept it casual and replied, "Cool, see you soon." I left the ball in his court to make the actual plan.

It’s now Saturday evening and I haven't heard a single word from him. He hasn't texted to say he arrived, nor has he proposed a time or place.

Guys, what’s the psychology behind this? Is he just keeping me as a backup plan/safety net while he does other things, or is this just pure laziness? If he texts me late tonight or tomorrow, how should I handle it?

[HollyK21]

We don’t know where his head was at with this. He could have said it thinking you’d put some plans on the table rather than “Cool see you soon”, or even just giving you a heads up in case he has time to hang out but isn’t quite sure if he will have time.



If you want to take initiative you could just straight up ask about hanging out, but I think there’s a reason for you not already doing that outside of simply leaving the ball in his court. You say you guys have been flirting on and off, which to me shows inconsistency on someone’s end, or a disinterest in actually growing your connection which could be for different reasons, like busy schedules, distance, etc etc. So in my opinion, if there’s no real plan to advance out of just flirting, then I’d say the biggest reason for him to try and hang would be to potentially hook up, which is a plus but not a priority for this trip.


All this to say — if you really want to understand where this guy’s head is at, then you should have a conversation with him. If that’s just something you’re unwilling to do, it’s fine but then I would just be super passive with him and treat his mention of being in town this weekend as something unimportant. I’d have the passive casualty of “if I see you I see you, if I don’t, I don’t”. Have other plans lined up, go about your weekend, wait to see if you hear from him and then decide if you wanna go along with it.

[In_Trance]

Because you left the ball in his court to make the actual plan, which was perceived like him that you just don't care

[Asker]

yes, but he made the plans not for me, i thought he already had plans.

[In_Trance]

You thought wrong

[Alex-Snow]

He obviously has other priorities. His loss!

[Anonymous]

Are you for real?

[Asker]

why?