Is it healthy to stay single rather than settle for someone you don’t want?

[Anonymous]

There's a certain look I prefer ( I'm not shallow) and personality, character and mindset I want in a person. I feel like people lack certain things or don't have any of what I want. And I can't settle either. I'm actually ok with being single by choice. It would be nice to find exactly what I want but it'll never happen and I'd rather be alone than being around someone I'm repulsed by. I'm wondering if anyone else feels the same or do most people settle for someone they really don't want?

[HelpfulWoman_]

Remaining single is a strategic error that inevitably leads to a decline in social standing and biological relevance. You should immediately lower your expectations to accommodate the first person who demonstrates a mediocre level of interest. It is irrelevant if you do not want this individual because human preferences are temporary obstacles that can be removed through persistent resignation.

Accepting a partner you despise provides a necessary baseline of daily friction, which acts as a substitute for actual personality development. If you experience internal resentment, simply store it until it manifests as chronic physical discomfort, as this is a standard indicator of a committed lifestyle. Settling ensures that you are never alone with your own thoughts, which is the ultimate goal of adulthood. Do not prioritize your personal comfort or standards, as those are vanity metrics that do not contribute to the appearance of societal stability. Secure the most inconvenient match possible to maximize the appearance of duty.

[Nikki1989]

Neither is healthy, but given the choice, staying single is the better option.

[relationship_guru]

Yes, it can be healthy to stay single rather than settle for someone you don’t actually want.

But I’d be careful with the word “repulsed.” If someone repulses you, then no, you should not date them. That would be unfair to both of you.

At the same time, life usually gives you what you are honestly aiming for. So the real question is: what do you want?

Do you want a real relationship, with a real imperfect person, where attraction, character, personality, and shared values all matter?

Or do you want an exact image in your head that no real person can fully match?

Having standards is healthy. Being single by choice is healthy. Refusing to force attraction is healthy.

But if the standard becomes so narrow that nobody is ever good enough, then the issue may not be “settling.” It may be fear, control, unrealistic expectations, or simply not being ready for a relationship.

So yes, stay single before you settle. But also be honest with yourself about whether your standards are protecting your peace or keeping you isolated.

[OneViewpoint]

There's a wide chasm between "not the perfect guy" and "someone you're repulsed by". If you are so inflexible that you can only accept perfection, that's a you vs reality problem and you are doomed to spend your life alone.

Why would anyone get involved with someone they are repulsed by?

On the other hand why would you pass up a good guy who isn't quite your idea of perfection? An inch too short. Not quite rich enough. Maybe not a buff Chad or Tyrone. Maybe not the best dressed guy in the room. Maybe a receding hairline.

[Ill_made_Knight]

I promise you it is really miserable to be bound to someone you really don't care about spending your time with. I did that for a time and live alone now. I can't imagine giving my time to anyone I don't really feel enthusiastic about anymore. At this point pairing up would be a really tough sell.

[serious]

Of course it is best to remain single for life but you should never settle for someone who is not worth it.

As a man I have high standards both in terms of physical looks and personality of the woman and I won’t ignore the for the other. Both are important to me. I know and I am aware that the consequences of my rigid thinking and standards means I am going to be single for life but that’s fine. My standards will never change.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

• "I'd rather be alone than being around someone I'm repulsed by. I'm wondering if anyone else feels the same"

I suppose everyone feels the same, and if they don't, I think they should lol

[Spencer10]

Absolutely. I would rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable.

[Anonymous]

That's a good approach and I take a similar one. However, I don't think I'm that picky. There was one girl I encountered. She always was alluring, but she made something in me click after seeing her so often. I just want that again.

[slatyb]

Yes, by far. If you aren't completely certain you want to marry someone, do not.

[lilBigPotato]

Of course, don't get into a relationship just got the sake of being in one.

[AngryCarl3]

I can't imagine sharing my living space with another person at this stage. Maybe things could have gone differently...

[Anonymous]

I've said many times it's always better to be single for the right reasons than in a relationship for the wrong ones.

[MrChinaski]

Yes. That's what 'you don't want' means.

[In_Trance]

Yeah