Is posting a coworker on her Instagram story a red flag?

[Anonymous]

We see getting engaged in a month and she always sends good morning texts since she wakes up an hour before I do, now today she didn't and a few hours later I found her posting a guy from work on Instagram and tagging him saying she is proud and stuff. She knows I am really jealous and hate it when she gets close to guys to the extent that it would ruin our relationship and when I confronted her she said it's just a guy at work who did a long presentation and that I am over acting.

Is that suspicious?

[HollyK21]

So does she regularly make new guy friends? Have you ever heard of this coworker for him to be close enough that she’s posting him to her story? Does she post other coworkers? As you can see, lots of questions surrounding this. With my fiancé, I’ve just got this rule of thumb where I wouldn’t get rid of opposing sex friends I had before him, as long as it’s not a problematic connection. However I wouldn’t make new male friends in current unless he was a mutual with my fiancé. I just don’t see myself being anything other than cordial with other guys at this point, not close, and that’s out of respect.

[Asker]

That's exactly the issue I know all the guy friends she had before and she never mentioned this guy not even once. We talk everyday about work and people there aswell and she always tells me about people she deals with and this guy is a ghost, she never posted another male coworker only like pics with the girls at work before

[HollyK21]

This sounds like a long distance relationship, if not fully then at least to some extent. If that’s the case, then that is what sucks about the distance — you have to take her word for everything and she can basically just do whatever outside the scope of what you can see. I’m not trying to make you doubt her, I don’t know exactly what’s going on and it could be nothing. I’m just big on peace of mind and things like this wouldn’t give me that.

Here’s my suggestion. If this is a first time offense, then consider letting it slide. You must love her a lot to plan on getting engaged, and with that, I’m sure you’d move in together and ultimately close the space if I’m correct about the distance. I also don’t know what’s happened in the past in regards to your “known” jealousy (you mentioned she knows you get jealous), but you don’t want insecurity to add to that if ultimately nothing is going on. Because then if you were to split it would be due to your jealousy, your overthinking, and on your conscious, which I’m sure you’d rather avoid unless you can’t.

If you went the route of forgiveness, or moving past this, it’s subject to happen again. Since it’s already happened once. Just decide if you’re willing to take that risk.

[Asker]

Kinda, she travels for 3 month for work and comes home for 3 till the end of this year then she will settle.
Well it's mainly bec w ehad multiple fights about it before for example when an old friend sent her a msgs on Instagram saying she looks like the most beautiful girl in the world to him when she posted a story and she didn't wanna get rid of him and similar stuff. We agreed she wouldn't have any new male friends and she would keep things professional at work but then this happens out of nowhere

[HollyK21]

So basically she has like one more round of leaving for 3 months and then she’ll settle, that’s good stuff, at least there’s a silver lining. In all honesty, this may be one of those “take it or leave it” scenarios. I don’t know her personally, but it sounds like maybe she could just be too friendly and it’s part of who she is.

This could be a hard truth to hear, but you can’t change her, you can’t argue or guilt trip her into behaving how you want when it comes to men, and I doubt that is how you want her to “conform”. Instead I’m sure you want her to just stop on her own accord. I just don’t think she feels comfortable with that because she doesn’t see a problem and she probably thinks you’re being insecure, overbearing, etc. That’s why I say you either have to take it or leave it, because if you keep finding moments to get upset with her about other men, all it’ll do is push her away.

To which I’d say — if you stay with her then you must actively commit to both trusting her and working on your own feelings of insecurity. If she’s beautiful, kind, loving and all these great things then I’m sure you mainly fear losing her. However, something like that is out of your control, because we are not guaranteed successful ends to our relationships. Ultimately, what happens when it comes to her and other men is up to her. She’s the one with loyalty to you, and I hope despite having other options, she will always pick you. That’s what you should hope for as well, and trust her to do right by you.

[Nikki1989]

You need to grow up first before considering a serious relationship. You are immature and insecure, which is a bad sign for any couple.

[AviatorTom]

The suspicion is you. If you are to have a good relationship and marriage with her, you need to start trusting her, and stop being so jealous.

Do you not interact with female co-workers? That's not a problem, is it? Then why should it be when she does the same with a male co-worker?

[AngryCarl3]

I mean she's on Instagram so obviously she likes attention from guys. If that's a deal breaker for you it's time to GTFO.

[MissSunshine2]

Oh, come on. You'll scare her off with obsessive behaviour like that. Let her have friends.

[Asker]

We have an agreement since we met to not get any new guy friends, this is the only guy she ever posted and she told me about everyother guy at work but never mentioned this one

[Quiet_Man]

she does not have the same views and feels as you. that is all that matters.

[Asker]

You mean that we are too different?

[Veronika_p]

Yes..

[Asker]

She wouldn't just post a normal guy from work bec he did a presentation right?

[dudeinohio]

Very suspicious