How can I approach women respectfully without feeling like I’m bothering them?

[Anonymous]

So in order to get a date, I have to actually talk to women, right? The problem is... I feel bad about talking to women in public.

Let's negate more common areas where being hit on is more expected, like the bar, a club, etc. I don't really frequent those types of places.

And forget dating apps because I can count on one hand the amount of likes I get, let alone matches.

If I'm out in public, say the park, or maybe a grocery store, or maybe the mall, and I see a cute girl, I would never think of going up to her and start hitting on her. Why? Well, I think that would be annoying and disrespectful.

If a woman is out and about in a common public area, she's most likely trying to go about her day and do what she needs to do, right? Shopping for what she needs, or just minding her own business taking in the sights, and what not.

In my mind, it would be incredibly rude to interrupt her day just to try and hit on her.

In my mind, women get harassed and objectified by men enough, they don't need one more person. I would feel bad if I added to that nuisance. Women deserve to enjoy the store or park or wherever in peace, not bothered by some annoying guy who wants to tell her she looks beautiful. Great, me and 100 other men think that, so that makes me the 101st guy who'd tell her that.

But at the same time... I know many men don't follow this line of thought. Many other men just talk to women, and get dates, and some live happily ever after. So... should I join these many other men who go against my line of thinking? How do I get out of this mindset?

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

It's nuanced when you should or shouldn't approach a woman in public and it's also highly dependant on the woman. I probably wouldn't rely on just saying she's beautiful as that's kind of cliche to a lot of us to hear (even in cases where we don't believe it to be true anyway thanks to low self esteem). Start with something more inventive or humor for example. Get her to laugh and you will have a better chance to keep the conversation going. Be confident but not arrogant.

As for when to approach, it's probably a real bad idea to approach when she is alone with nobody really around. That can be terrifying for a lot of us. Don't approach when we actively look busy.

The biggest one is learn to read body language and accept no for an answer. There are guys out there who think that constantly harassing a woman until she gives in and forces an interaction is the right play. Don't be that guy.

[shoeboxcerealcard]

You can't. Respect is subjective. Some girls, no matter what you do, will be bothered and annoyed by you.

[scott04sa22]

Just talk to women who are low-stakes. Works better for me.

[fishbone77]

Are you a mind reader? Can you get me some powerball numbers?