How can I apologize for being boring & nervous?

[billy_young]

I went on a date earlier in the week and I was really nervous. So much so that the whole thing was just really awkward. It was a 3rd date. I was nervous on the first date, the 2nd went a bit better and then this was back to square one with so much nervousness. Conversation didn't flow at all, it was really forced, and there wasn't much eye contact. I'm fairly sure that because it was so awkward she didn't really enjoy it and I don't think I'll hear from her again unless I contact her.

So, I want to text her and explain that I was really nervous and that's why things were so awkward/I came across as boring. I'm basically saying "sorry for a crap date, I was just really nervous. Will you give me another chance?". Can you think of a good way of saying this?

Thanks! :)

Updates

+1 y

Thanks all for the advice. You've at least made me reconsider how I'm going to approach the situation. I think I am still going to admit to her that I was nervous, but maybe not in such an apologetic "sorry for being awkward" kind of way. Feel free to try to convince me not to if you think that's still a bad idea.

We weren't friends before we started dating, we just met on a night out. But we do have a lot in common. I'm nervous because I think we could be great together, so I really want...

Updates

+1 y

...her to like me for who I am, but I find it really difficult to tell if she does like me or not, so I'm scared to 'make a move' and things... we've not even kissed since the first time we met when we were both drunk.

I'll try asking her on another date and see how it goes. I know alcohol makes me a lot less nervous, so maybe I'll try to include that. I think once we get over the initial awkwardness, things might be alright. I'm not sure but I think she might be feeling the same.

Thanks!

[Levin]

In terms of attracting women, a general approach of apologising for who you are can be really off putting. Basic psychology I guess, we all want something that seems lofty to us and difficult to attain. I doubt it's entirely your fault either. Even if you're nervous, conversation will always flow better with people you have something in common with. You should just try and be yourself, and if it doesn't go anywhere, then it's not the end of the world? So bearing that in mind, I'd opt for a median approach, don't be too apologetic, but obviously you need to make clear that you'd like to see her again. Some of your language is a bit risky. Her giving you another chance? You put a lot of power in her hands mate. As I say, I'm not suggesting you be some kind of cool pickup artist; be natural, just don't go overboard with the apologies.

[Anonymous]

why are you so nervous? you need to realize she's only human... you're an attractive guy. I'm not nearly as attractive as you yet I'm successful with the ladies. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to relax/calm down. some girls might find it cute (at first), but if you keep being nervous, it's a turn off. don't apologize for being nervous (girls don't like guys who are too nice). tell her you had a bad day (tired/stressed out) and you want her to give you another chance (say it jokingly).

[Opinion Owner]

thanks!

[Anonymous]

Don't.

Seriously, don't. I don't like guys who have no self-confidence. Most girls don't.

But, many decent girls will understand if you're nervous. I've been seeing my guy for about 4 months, and the first couple dates were pretty hilarious. He was totally nervous, I could actually see him shaking, and he wouldn't hold eye contact for more than a second or two. Being more outgoing and chatty of the two, I basically kept the conversation going for the first couple dates. But honestly, I thought it was so adorable. I thought it showed that he was genuine, and it's a quality that's very hard to detect with smooth suave guys. So I kept accepting his date requests, and at some point, he opened up and started talking. That'll happen to you too, and if she dumps you for being boring, so be it. You'll meet someone better.

[ROTFLMFAO]

"I don't like guys who have no self-confidence."

"I've been seeing my guy for about 4 monthshe wouldn't hold eye contact for more than a second or two"

LOL! he can't even hold eye contact for a few seconds = no self-confidence at all yet you've been seeing him for 4 months. EPIC LOGIC FAIL.

[Opinion Owner]

nervousness and lack of self-confidence are two different things. I knew my guy as a friend for a few months before dating him, and he was fine when we were hanging out as a group. now that we've been dating for a while, he is able to hold long eye contact.

[ROTFLMFAO]

again: if he can't hold eye contact, he isn't self-confident at all/he's very shy and insecure. eye contact is the most important thing. being nervous doesn't mean you're unable to hold eye contact. confident people make eye contact with strangers no matter how nervous they are. that's a fact.

[Opinion Owner]

ooooooh, sounds like a real psychologist speaking.

statements of the form "all ____ are _______" are often false. I think you're overgeneralizing.

good luck with making eye contacts.

[ROTFLMFAO]

again: it's a fact, not an opinion. you can't deny the facts. the eyes are the mirrors of self-confidence. a person can easily assess another person's self-confidence by engaging in eye contact. people with low self-confidence hate making eye contact/are unable to do it. they would tend to look at the ground as if they are looking for a lost coin. if someone looks into our eyes and we do not return their gaze, it is interpreted as a lack of confidence or even an acknowledgement of inferiority.

[Anonymous]

I DO NOT think this is a good move at all. This is your own insecurity. She might not have even noticed you were nervous! You're a good looking guy. If I were her I certainly would not find it attractive if you said that to me.It would show me you had low self esteem and not to confidant.

I would give her a couple more days, then if you don't hear from her, call her, act confidant and cheery, and say, " I had a really great time the other night, want to do it again?" OR something along those lines. Practice what you re going to say a couple times and the tone of voice you will use before calling her. You CAN do it! You are wonderful! GL

[billy_young]

Thanks a lot for the input and the compliment :) I wasn't 100% decided whether or not to say it to her. But here's the thing... after the first date which was awkward, I tried that (well I text her, I've never rung her, I think it would be weird for some reason lol) - I was really positive and asked her out again and she just made excuses and we stopped texting and I accepted that she wasn't interested. It was a month later that she text me again after she'd been talking about me with a...

[billy_young]

mutual friend and we went on the second date. I think that if I just try to act positive and ask her out again, she'll just make excuses again, or even if she agrees to go out again, things are just going to be awkward again, whereas at least if I explain, then things might not be as awkward?

[Anonymous]

try and be 'in the moment' and then you'll be more like your natural self. By being in the moment, I mean catch yourself when you go off on an internal thought trail wondering whether she likes you, should I make a move etc. because if you do that your not really there. Also, make sure you don't get friend zoned, this will happen if you don't make a move or start touching her. I know it can me scary and you feel like it could ruin everything but there is no shame in failure and nothing of worth is easy. Once you get the first kiss, you'll know she likes you and your nerves will dissipate. I recon you shouldn't apologize as you haven't done anything that wrong!

[helicopter1]

i can suggest you text her saying that you were really nervous and it's the first time a girl has made you feel like that in ages. if she texts back asking why, you can say it's because she's too pretty and too interesting.

I did this when I first started dating my girlfriend and she seemed to like the fact that she made me nervous. I didn't apologize or anything and it wasn't an admission of low self esteem. Eye contact is very important tho.