Why doesn't my boyfriend reply me right away like I do?

[Anonymous]

whenever he texts me or messages me on fb I reply immediately but I'll send him like 2 messages on fbs or tons of texts and it takes him FOREVER to reply. sometimes he won't reply til the next day or so. when we first starting dating he wasn't like that. he would always CHECK his phone to see if I texted. now he'll barely text back. he'll give me short answers too like I'll say "omg I miss you so much I love youuu!" and he'll say "miss you too" or "love you". I understand if he's busy but I KNOW he got my messages because it notifies me when he does. he just doesn't reply

[Mikespence03]

He is asserting his independence, and this is a very male thing. You need to learn to respect it or you are going to lose him. The more you nag him to reply instantly, the further away you're going to push him. He's most likely going to interpret it emotionally as your desire to control him by prompting an immediate response when you want to communicate. If this is true, then you're making a huge mistake by interpreting his delays in getting back to you as rejection when, in fact, he's not rejecting you but just asserting his male autonomy. He was more attentive in the beginning because he wanted to get a relationship going with you, but now you're more in "cruise" mode, and all that immediacy, from his perspective, is no longer necessary and is even detrimental to the health of the relationship.

So take a deep breath and try to relax. He's acting like a man.

Now, if you want a puppet, not a man, for a boyfriend then look for a wimp who will keep jumping at your every beck and call FOREVER. But in that case, you're basically just looking for someone to keep boosting your own sense of self worth -- "Just look at what I can get him to do! He must really care about me! I must be really powerful and a worthwhile human being!"

Please do what you can to STOP measuring the health of your relationship, and your own sense of power and worth, by your ability to get him to respond the way you want him to. Your fears are showing that you're basically insecure within yourself and you're looking to him to validate your worth by responding instantly the way you do.

Also, by always responding instantly to HIM, you're just showing him your insecurity even more. If he's the kind of guy who likes a girl to be totally needy and dependent, then he's a jerk and you're just feeding HIS unhealthy need to control. You need your own independence as well. And even if he's the kind of weak guy who likes having his ego fed by a needy girlfriend, I guarantee he'll eventually tire of your neediness and dump you.

Healthy relationships are not built on a foundation of ownership, jealousy, insecurity, and mistrust. They can be intense and dramatic -- and some people, maybe you, do love their drama -- but the relationships do not last and tend to leave wreckage in their wake.

He is probably a psychologically healthy guy who's acting like a guy. If you persist, then you just come off as needy and neurotic -- which, if you are, you need a different kind of help, truly -- and he'll move on. If he's a needy, manipulative sort himself, then you're just setting yourself up to be used until he gets tired of the neediness and nagging and moves on. In either case, he moves on.

[ShweShwe]

Your answer is really helpful, thank you. I want this to work out with him so i'll try my very best to be patient with him.

[MrOracle]

In general, guys don't live for their phones like girls do. At the beginning of a relationship, they'll pay more attention to it because they don't have security in the relationship yet, but over time, they feel more secure and assume you do too.

Plus, girls often want to have CONVERSATIONS over text, which is very annoying to most guys. Texts are good for msgs like "meet you at the mall at 6pm" but LOUSY for anything related to the relationship.

I give my Girlfriend lots of face time in person, but I told her from the beginning that she shouldn't expect much in the way of texting, because I hate it. I hate the phone too, and use them both as little as I can get away with. And certainly, relationship stuff needs to be handled face-to-face, or if not, then by a voice call, NOT by text.

[Asker]

welll he didn't talk to me all day after me asking him a question saying "how do you feel about me" and I know he saw it too and then at one in the morning he texted me saying "can you talk?"

[MrOracle]

The lesson here is that you have NO BUSINESS using TEXTS to ask a question like that. That question is a whole conversation, and that needs to be done face-to-face, or of that is absolutely impossible, via voice call. Relationship conversations should never, ever, EVER be done over text.

[Darylagnes]

my boyfriend doesn't like audio call nor face time he prefers only chats which is really irritatating. he always replies late to me. he always has time to play mobile legends. is he not serious about me?

[MrOracle]

@Darylagnes That's really up to you to decide, but I'll kind of give you what I feel is a reasonable guideline:

If he's seeing you in person for an hour or two, at least twice during the week (M-F), and spending a significant amount of at least one day on the weekend (let's say a minimum of 4-6 hours), then he's giving you a reasonable amount of his time on a regular basis. And if that's the case, then you need to learn to respect HIS time, and leave him alone more than you are, and learn to keep your texts to him short. He's allowed to have time to himself, and if she wants to play games or work on the car or watch TV or nap, he's allowed to, and you shouldn't feel entitled to instant replies.

If you AREN'T seeing each other in person that much - especially if it's much less than that, then you wanting more of his time via text is much more understandable, and in that case, he's probably not paying enough attention to you - in which case, you should probably reevaluate whether you want to be in a relationship with him or not.

[Anonymous]

either he is losing interest or maybe you are saying too much and he feels smothered.

[Anonymous]

Because he's a guy. Guys do not communicate the way girls do.

This isn't a "him" problem. All guys are like this. We will communicate rapidly at the start of a relationship, and try to keep pace with you girls and your hectic communication. But we can't do it long term. We just can't. We're not built like that. Sooner or later, we slow down to a much more reasonable manageable guy pace.

[upsyndrome]

...someone's gonna be single soon.