What is the difference between a jerk and emotionally abusive?

i know emotionally abusive guys are jerks but not all jerks are actually emotionally abusive.

where do you draw the line? what's the difference?

i had a guy. he was very manipulative. even about small things he would be the type to nag or make me feel obligated to do things on his terms..even if he wanted a picture of me or something. sometimes he would say "if you don't do it I won't buy you a drink ever again" or something like that.

i've caught him in lies and he was very secretive about certain things. and he always seemed to have an "excuse" or the right thing to say.

after a while he also put me down. I am younger and he told me that even if I am successful at my career he will "always be better than I am" because I'm younger.

he would jokingly call me a whore and say "i'm just kidding"

one time I said something small, it really wasn't immature, and he made a remark about how I sound childish and immature.

he would boast about himself.

sometimes we would not talk for a day and I would get a text the next day asking why I didn't contact him

or if I didn't hear from him and I contacted him he would say "so finally you decide to contact me" with an attitude

what's the deal?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey hun,

    I agree wholeheartedly with "posted" and "MissShaniaLyn". Why would you go out with either type? and that guy was emotionally abusive to you, even if he wasn't it wouldn't justify treating his lady like that! I take it that you are no longer with him!

    You deserve much better! every woman does! It about time that ladies dispense with the settling for jerks stuff and realize that there are REAL men out there! Men who are not children needing you to mother them (thats a "nice guy") nor the equally childish bully who has forced every bit of empathy out of him and is just some macho jerk trying to convince himself that he is all that matters! (thats a "jerk")

    There are men out there that are strong (as much a a jerk appears to be) within himself, men that would protect you lovely ladies from any danger. Me that are powerful enough to break down every wall you have to get to the mushy girl inside that just want to be held. Men who won't be a child and look to you for their worth, being clingy but men who know their worth and can see through all the bullsh*t and games you put up, just knowing its to protect yourself and loves you so much because he knows that all that crap you throw at him is just a test. A test he must past to show you that you can trust him! A hero that is present and will never retreat until he knows he has that trust.

    A strong man with sensitivity, who values other as much as he values himself (not more like the "nice guy" or less like the "jerk"). Coming from love and and Trust not fear and doubt! Your options are not just "nice guy" or "jerk", you can have a "real man"!

    This is a pattern that nearly every person runs! Young males being too feminine ("nice guy") or too masculine ("jerk") and young females being too feminine ("sweet") or too masculine ("bitch"). and because females build up a shell around them (to protect them, and rightly so, a man must show he can protect) she is predominantly masculine and can come across as a bitch, especially to nice guys (although they'd never say that).

    You would never go for a nice guy (unless you wanted to be his mother) so in an attempt to have the strong man to break down your walls, you go the "jerk" who yes is masculine, but does not care! He values himself and thinks everyone lower than him! and that's how he treats people! This why this can be an abusive relationship (emotionally, physically, sexually).

    A masculine man tempered with empathy is a real man, a real man that wants a feminine and STRONG woman!

    This is not about equality of men and women, you wouldn't go chopping d***s off to prove equality. We want our woman to be a woman as much as you want your man to be a man. this about letting each gender being what they were made to be! Opposites attract, this is about creating that polarity.

    If you are with a jerk, nice guy or not in a relationship and not sure what to do, send me a message and we can have a chat.

    hopefully I answered your REAL question..


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • "Jerk" is a general negative descriptor. Like "a**hole" or "douchebag". It's universally used for any guy who engages in undesirable behavior. A woman might call her boyfriend a "jerk" because he cheated on her, or went out drinking and got wasted, or spends too much time playing video games. A jerk is not necessarily emotionally abusive or manipulative.

  • That is emotional abuse from where I am standing. The difference is this, I can be a jerk at times, I say things that I think are funny but my fiancee (mainly because she is a different culture) finds the offensive, I never deliberately say anything to belittle her, and every time I say something stupid, I make a note and it never happens again. The difference is the intent - if you say stop that, I don't like it - he should stop, if not its abuse. We can all be stupid at times, we will all unintentionally say something in our lives that hurts our partner because we don't truly understand them. Its when that behavior continues it means he is more than an idiot and his motives are less desireable.

  • Why would you be in a relationship with either kind?


What Girls Said 2

  • I don't think it really matters what the difference is, but what does matter is that you deserve better.

  • a jerk just wouldn't care...an emotional abuser would use your emotions about him to manipulate you into doing things.

    Jerk= changes his plans at the last minute taking no thought into consideration about how this will affect you and when you get mad about it he kinda shrugs it off like you're a crazy bitch and overreacting.

    Emotional abuser= knows something is important to you but you talked to that guy at school again today after he asked you not to so he's changing his plans to punish you knowing it will hurt you.