He postponed our date - Should I follow up first?

[Anonymous]

I am generally quite reserved, but when I want something or someone, I am quite bold. I was flirting with a beautiful man (younger than me) and all was going well. We were due to go out 2 nights ago and he postponed it regretfully (reason seemed legit). I have been supportive of his position and sent him text messages since. Should I wait for him to contact me, or keep a line of communication there?

Updates

+1 y

He postponed due to family trauma (sounded legit) but did not set another day. to go out. He said he'll be in touch when he's next free. I understand he may have wanted to blow me off, but it does not make sense. Why was he so into going out in the morning of the date and then suddenyl changes his mind? That is was frustrates me most. We had spoken about authenticity and if he wanted to get out of it, I wish he had just been straight with me.

Updates

+1 y

Re: family trauama -- It actually wasn't a generalised statement he made to me. I'm holding off the details to protect privacy.

Updates

+1 y

SMSed him yesterday over something I was excited about... and he send me a casual "yeh that's cool. well done" message this morning. I'm beginning to feel he's completely inexperienced or a complete player. WTF. Seriously. I'm so over this BS.

[2EagleEyes]

I think he flaked. The reason of "family trauma" is a very generalized statement that could be sensitive enough to have you not probe for more info yet serious sounding enough that you would understand and not be too let down regardless of what you had planned. I mean how selfish would you seem to not care about his family situation and were still pissed you weren't going out. I think using that reason is a trump card that keeps you from asking a lot of questions.

I would keep a very loose line of contact and see if he brings up the date later. If you work with him you don't want to have some falling out and some everlasting awkwardness at work. Makes for a rotten every day situation.

Wishing you the best.

Eagle

[Asker]

MEOW. problem sorted. he and I caught up, chatted over everything and things a gooooood now!

[2EagleEyes]

congrats! That is nice to hear.

[red324]

to update: Honestly their could be any reason for it, maybe he chickened out and didn't want to go. It's hard to say and the only one who will know is him. I know it's frustrating but that's just part of dating. That really sucks that he did that 2 hours before the date because you probably spent a couple days figuring out what you were going to wear and you probably even went out and bought an outfit. Not every guy takes dating seriously and doesn't think about things like that and how it really hurts the girls feeling when they do that. Like the other person said, don't keep texting him and just wait and see. If Monday or Tuesday rolls around and you haven't heard from him then just consider it a loss.

[Asker]

Is there a point calling him on his flakiness? (I see this guy occasionally at work and we have mutual friends)

[red324]

I wouldn't cause that will probably just make him mad and then he could say things to his friends to cover up the fact that he screwed up. Then you'll end up with not only him not talking to you but your mutual friends too.

[Asker]

ok, thanks, red324... I hope he gets in touch. I'll be *good* and not sms.

[Anonymous]

don't keep texting him, hold back and don't contact him again. he might have been blowing you off especially if you are the only one messaging him.

wait for him to contact you, if he likes you he will, but there is a good chance he was blowing you off, sorry but just being honest.

if a guy postpones a date and does not immediately set another date within a day or two at the latest he is likely just blowing you off.

[Opinion Owner]

well when you keep chasing a guy and he isn't interested that is what happens

[martyfellow]

Family trauma could make him unavailable for romancing for quite some time. He might have to deal with a lot of issues that are stressful for weeks. Don't criticize him; after all, he told you the truth about it, and when he says he'll be in touch, it means he won't be in touch for a while! That's why he didn't set another date; he would have been leading you on to do that, since he knows there's a good chance he would't be available, physcially or emotionally, at that time either.

Not because he doesn't like you, but because of his family situation.

[martyfellow]

UPDATE..depending on how much trauma he's been in..you might just be asking too much of him. When my dad died, I couldn't get excited about anything or anyone either, for the best part of a year afterward, and his death was not unexpected or especially painful..

[red324]

He just posponed it? DId he set a different date? Really all you can do is wait and see what happens. If a couple more days go by and still no response then just give it up and move on. Be glad it happened before you got to know him too well cause then it's really hard.

[Asker]

He was really into it on the morning of the date. Then 2 hours before the film, he said he had to postpone and would be in touch when he's next free.

[Praveen12cm]

Keep in contact with him... but not often... and regarding date let he the first to ask.. you just text him normally other than asking about date...

[2EagleEyes]

I gotcha. Well that is better if there were some details that made sense.

[the-man-who-knows]

Let him make the move. Just don't wait on him forever.

[Anonymous]

Let him make contact next and make sure you don't come off as desperate or as a pest.

[Anonymous]

Just wait for him to contact you first