I was in a similar situation a couple of months ago. I started talking to a guy online, went to his city and we decided to meet up. Although we were mainly friends, he doesn't want a relationship in general and I was well aware of that. Before I arrived, he mentioned he would cook for me and I had similar thoughts to the ones you're having now: it's sort of to be expected that things MIGHT happen when two adults are alone. I felt a bit uneasy about the whole thing. We ended up meeting in the city (not because I voiced my concerns, it just happened that way) and because we met relatively late and things were closing down about 1.5 hours after we met, we decided to go to my hotel room for a drink and to talk. I again had this little voice in my head telling me "do you really want that, things MIGHT happen". I knew I wasn't going to initiate anything, but like I say, these situations are kind of asking for it. Also, I knew he wasn't after a relationship and I'm not the casual sex type. To cut a long story short: I ended up having sex with him that night. It was good but I sort of wish I hadn't done it because as expected, I am not the type for this and it hurt me in weird ways.
I think it's ultimately up to you if you want to have sex or not. If you go to his house, you have to be aware that it might happen, because if there is attraction, it might be hard to resist in that moment even if you technically do want to wait a bit longer. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with sex on the first date, or that there are some rules that one has to strictly follow (as in, no sex before the 5th date, or something like that). I am sure that there are guys who think less of a woman if she puts out on the first date, I am also sure that there are guys who are after sex on the first date and then they lose interest. But there are also guys who don't make any judgments and don't think less of a woman who doesn't make them wait. In the end, it's your decision. But if you aren't completely fine with the possibility that you might end up in bed, you should suggest a more neutral place for the first meeting. Because trust me, once you're in that situation it is very hard to resist even if you're a bit torn on the inside and don't know if it's right or wrong.
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He can't take you out in public? Think about your safety, you're really considering going to a man's house the first time you met him? You should be more cautious.and yes its a first date, its the first time you're seeing him in person.don't let chatting give you a false sense of security. If a guy doesn't have to put effort in the beginning of the relationship, it'll only get worse as time goes on.don't sell yourself short
No way. Meet at a public location. There is no such think as dating online. If you haven't been around the person to observe their mannerism you don't know them. You might have been talking to this guy online and he seems honest but people lie all the time and that's how women go missing or dead. You are older but don't be stupid. Play it safe for now.
Well, I hate to stereotype but when I first started to read this I was thinking of a younger poster (which many are), and thought it a little sketchy to go from no personal contact directly into a person's home. Just on the safety side. When I read further you explained the age and then I thought it was less of a big deal. For some reason I feel like a woman of 40 years is either tougher or has more sense than the 18-20s group. Both probably true haha, but I still lean towards caution but more towards danger of bad situations.
As far as ending up in bed together at the end of the night, that depends on yourself and your own confidence/ideals. My long time girlfriend and I hooked up the second night I saw her and she admitted later that she was only looking for something short but got attached. So things can work out reverse too.
Since you're older and have corresponded prior to this date I would say it is OK. I would definitely let some people know where you are going to be just in case things get weird. Also I'd have one friend in particular that you may have as a sort of emergency contact. A friend where you just say if something happens and I need help I'll text you... a one word text that she will know is the sign that she should act on...but this is only so you cover your basis because while I believe that this type of date is fine you don't want to be overly naive
If you were a teen or youngish adult I'd say that this is probably a bad idea but like you said being that you are both older and assumedly more mature it doesn't seem like a terrible idea.
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You two are old enough that the rules no longer apply in my opinion. You should both be mature by now. I've always thought playing hard to get and waiting to do stuff is stupid. I know people that have had sex on a first date and ended up being married. He might be hoping one thing leads to another, but so what, can you blame him for wanting you? He may also just innocently want your company and to cook for you and check you out in person before anything goes further. I think you should just go with the flow and if you're in the mood have a good romp with him but if you don't feel it at the time then wait or make him wait.
Good or bad idea - first date at his house (he's cooking)?
In my opinion that depends as it seems being alone with a guy is often perceived as consent to sex which you can't take back:
- 'good' idea if you are sure you want to get f*cked by him
- 'bad' idea if you're not sure you want to get f*cked by him
It seems you're not sure so 'bad' idea.No no no no no! Don't ever go to someone's house the first time you meet him offline. Its not a matter of rules, its a matter of possibly risking your life. Sure, it probably would be perfectly safe given most guys aren't murderers or rapists, but its still better to err on the side of caution when it comes to the matter of your personal safety.
Are you worried about how it looks, or are you worried about him making a move and you being uncomfortable, or are you worried about hooking up and him taking that as evidence that you're 'just' for hookups?
First date should be in a public place, period. He should understand...
I would think that the age factor will keep things in check. It all depends, that in your heart of hearts, what do you really want.
Bad idea meet some where neutral
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