Failed kiss attempt, but fantastic date otherwise?

[Anonymous]

I took a girl out for a second date last night. We both had a fantastic time. When I was walking her back to her place I decided to hold her hand, which she responded to positively. When I finally got to her place, she hugged me to say goodbye, I got a bit overconfident and tried to kiss her. She didn't want to kiss me, so she pulled me into another hug instead and it made for a bit of an awkward goodbye there. She did however text me to say goodnight later.

I'm of the general impression that I caught her a bit off guard and it wasn't the right time, but I'm still sort of worried that I might have messed things up.

Should I talk to her about it? If so, I don't really feel like I should apologize for it but I'm not sure how to bring it up without sounding apologetic.

Is she not into me? Or was she simply nervous and/or not ready to be kissed?

Updates

+1 y

UPDATE: Turns out she doesn't like me in that way, thanks for everyone's help though :).

[bijinbijinbijin]

i doubt her dodgeing the kiss means that she is not into you. it just means that she wants to take things slow and wants to feel comfortable with you first. she texted you after all so she clearly is still interested.

I don't like to kiss guys too soon, especially not on the first date. I want to like you a little bit more first. My boyfirend said that I let him kiss me on our third date. I don't really remember but it sounds about right. I know we talked on the phone everyday for hours in between dates and that made me feel more comfortable with him and it made me more drawn to him. it created that tension.

I also don't want to lead the guy on just in case I end up not liking him.

say I kiss a guy on the first date before I even really get to know him then we go out again for a second date then the question will be going through both of our heads "so we are kissing now?. we are like that now?". I just don't want a guy to feel that way and then I end up avoiding him when I find out that we really do not click. or say I run into him when I'm out and he tries to kiss me again. like can we be at least friends first.

it becomes even more confusing when people throw sex in there and the next time you see the person the question is "so we are fucking now, or was that a one time thing?"

My boyfriend told me he was just so excited when we first started dating and he realized that he may have been trying to rush things but he said he was glad that I was able to help him slow down so that we could really get to know each other. He actually really was looking for a relationship which is why he decided to move as slow as needed in order to develop our relationship. Relationships take time after all.

Other guys who may not be looking for a relationship will try to move fast and if the girl isn't moving with him then he will give up on her and meet another girl but that's all cool too becasue its way better than trying to change a person who isn't looking for the things you are. so its tottally up to you if you want to move at a slow pace with this girl or if you want to give up on her and meet another girl who is more your speed.

[capuletjuliet]

Im a girl and it just happened to me with an older guy I really like. We also had like a second/first date and it was awesome. When I had to go we hugged but then I just was so nervous I didn't realize if he was trying to give me a kiss or hugg me another time... Well I dont really have that experience in kisses and moreover he was taller than me so maybe I didn't realize? Afterwards we talked about a movie. We dated two days before and I can't take that moment off my thoughts. What if he doesn't like me anymore? Maybe we date an other time but I dont know if he is interested and yeah.. I think I've ruined it because how nervous I was. He is like the most interesting man I know and it would be for me the first time someone corresponds my feelings. Pd: if you are that guy im going to freak out my situation is like the same

[Asker]

Oh dayum that sounds exactly the same! Jking :P my story happened over a year and a half ago, and the girl was in fact older than me anyway haha.

[Anonymous]

ok this has happend to me 100 times..i just hate it when guys try to kiss me on the first and second date..one time we even bumpt heads..but anyways to me its kinda rude and disrespectfull(I bearly know you I don't want your spit in my mouth)..i can really like a guy but just because I moved from the kiss does not mean I don't like them I'm usually shocked everytime because nowadays guys like to kiss perty soon...but the fact that she texted you good night is a really good sign for you.its her way of saying "its OK just pretend it never happend and ask me out again"..bacause if she didint like you she would have just ignored you and never called you back..and don't apologize just be extra nice..because if you apologize it will get very awkward and make her feel uncomortable..(believe me I know)good luck

[ObscuredBeyond]

I didn't get my first kiss until last year. A lot of others in my situation don't want to owe up to how embarrassed they are by how long it takes them. But it betrays itself in their urgency to get it done, so they don't feel like nobody will ever let them.

[Asker]

ObscuredBeyond, I've kissed two other girls before, but both occasions I was under the influence of alcohol and it didn't really mean anything in the long run. This was the first time I went in for a kiss completely sober, and I went in for one because she's someone I actually want a meaningful kiss with.

[asker999]

After reading all of the responses I am kinda shocked because mine is totally different. I kiss on the first date every single time. Because in my experience if they like you, even if they usually don't typically like to kiss on the first date, they will kiss you. And that way I always know where things stand because if they don't kiss me back then I move on. Now I make sure it is really obvious that I am about to kiss them. I flirt a little, lots of eye contact and that usually is their first indication and if they don't want to be kissed they can try to get away. Then I put my arm around them and move my hand up their arm to their neck while keeping eye contact. If they didn't think a kiss was coming before, they should now. So a second time they can get away if they don't want to be kissed. And finally I lean in real slow, pause for a slight second to give one last chance at stopping me me, and then bam. So I stay in control of the situation the entire time and if they don't want to be kissed, they have plenty of opportunities to stop it. I have only not been kissed back once and moving on was the right thing to do. We stayed friends for awhile and I watched her get free dinners out of a whole bunch of dudes that thought they had a chance but she was just using. And trust me, if they absolutely know that you tried to kiss them and they do blow you off, if they are interested they will try to keep things going. So sit back a little and see if she makes any effort for you. If she doesn't then she isn't 'that' into you and you can put your efforts and emotions so where better. I know she texted goodnight, but girls prefer to be subtle and not rude about not being into you. It is frustrating as hell because us guys just want the flat out truth.

[backspace]

Well I can tell you a story what happened with me and the girl that I hope I'm beginning a really nice relationship. I sort of invited her out on an informal date a drink and we sat there for about three hours just talking anyway we ended up slow dancing alone at the place where I work. Well we just held each other for about an hour gently holding on and then I tried to kiss her the first time and she sort of backed away and wanted to leave and go home but not in an offended sort of way but I grabbed her and pulled her back and told her I still wanted to dance with her. So we kept dancing and I kept trying to kiss her and after about another half an hour I just sort of kept passing my lips over her lips slowly and at one point she stopped moving her lips out of the way and let me kiss her and then when I moved away she kissed me back.

I'd say don't worry you didn't blow it. Next time just take it easy and slow and you'll get a kiss out of her if she's still talking to you and texting you've got nothing to worry about.

I wish you good luck.

[cheesesteak7]

I was in a very similar situation - first date with a girl I knew from class and it was a great night, but she rejected my TWO kiss attempts, yet still gave me a big hug at the end. We would talk about it later and she said it really bothered her, me not respecting her space. We still keep in touch here and there, but I know she doesn't want to see me again...yet!

To answer your question, I don't know. Every girl is different. Some can be a bit cuckoo about that kind of stuff, regardless if they want it or not.

[lumos]

You probably didn't mess it up at all, especially considering that she actually texted you afterward. I'm guessing she was just nervous and caught off guard, and if you don't know this girl from before, chances are she's not 100% comfortable with you yet in order to be able to kiss you.

No, I don't think you need to bring it up. That'll just make it a whole lot more awkward. Just shrug it off and keep acting as if nothing happened, and try again later when you've been on a few more dates.

[Asker]

I've known her for a while, we just had a really long waiting period between the first and second date so I probably should have treated it like a first date.

[Light_Yagami]

She is into you you, a second date tells you that much already. Don't think you did nothing wrong maybe she wants to take things slow which is cool. However do not make another move, let her make the move on you.

[martyfellow]

If she were really upset she wouldn't have hugged you -but she may NEVER want to kiss you, and you should be prepared for that.

[martyfellow]

Best Answer, no?

[Asker]

You were correct, but kind of rude asking for best answer huh?

[Stayinganon]

She may just not be one to kiss on the first date or she was nervous. Dodging a kiss out of nervousness is something I would do. Is she kind of shy and reserved? If so then I would say it was because she was nervous.

[Stayinganon]

Sorry just read it was the second date, so ignore what I first said.

[dodgypirate]

She's into you don't worry.

She was nervous.

Give it some more time and more dates.

[Anonymous]

she was just nervous. give it another chance