When I was a young child, the future of my world was open as the sky. With my life having just begun, I believed I could do anything I wanted when I “grew up” if I had the slightest inclination to. Now, at eighteen years old, that threshold of possibility has shrunk and while my natural lifespan is likely decades more in the making, I feel that it is important to discover and choose my career sooner rather than later.
Why am I in such a hurry to decide on what to do in life? What is it that I should do? These are the questions I am asking and will answer in this writing.
When I dropped out of high school, I knew that I would get to college once I completed my GED testing. There was not a doubt in my mind that despite not completing high school, I was going to go on to get a college education. Since the day I dropped out two years ago, I have received my GED and I have begun college. However, the college program I am in, while rewarding and fascinating, leaves me unsure of my prospects and searching for something “more”.
Studying human services has been excellent and I have certainly learned a lot in the spring semester in my psychology, sociology, disabilities: diagnosis and intervention, and social welfare classes. I could not have chosen classes I am interested in more than these ones, and the overall experience was rewarding to me. However, there are a few things about this that have left me angst-ridden.
While I love the material, I do not know what I am interested in career-wise. I keep taking career tests and looking through various job descriptions and profiles without being able to pinpoint a specific career interest of mine. I do know that I would value a job that helps others, allows for close interpersonal communication, and allows me to be artistic and at least somewhat independent. Some general categories I could see myself getting into include: education, human services, and healthcare.
From the education category, I am curious in general about what it is like to be a teacher or educator. To be specific, I wonder what a career is like as a special education teacher or college professor. From the human services field, I would hope to discover a specialized job but could see myself potentially being a social worker or counselor. In the healthcare field, I am curious about careers such as speech-language pathologist, nutritionist, or psychologist.
As can be surmised, it is difficult for me right now to understand what the right choice is. Systemically, I dream of being in college for four years or more and would even be happy to graduate with a Masters or Doctorates level education, if it were a real possibility. I do not know what it is, but I would like to be in college for longer than I am in this two-semester program. Last semester, I had a 4.0 gpa and made it on the dean’s list; I am a hard worker in school and do assignments on time.
I think that I might work best in a relaxed environment rather than a very busy, energy-taxing one. It would be nice to work with individuals or small groups rather than perform or speak in front of a crowd. I think that while my social graces may be lacking, I have a subtle talent at interpreting situations and the emotive lives of others. I do not know if I would be graceful when it comes to teaching, but I like the idea of helping others and seeing growth in individuals. I see the best in others and try to understand the situation before judging someone. I am worried about my social awkwardness and problems- despite my innate desire to work with people and communicate well, I do not know if I am realistically capable of saying I am skilled at this.
I might be more confident detailing my weaknesses than potential strengths. I am not talented with numbers or math, so accounting is out of the question. I am not very intelligent, and certain careers and their levels of required knowledge would be too much for my little head (all the same, a challenge is a good thing in theory). As I mentioned, I am socially disgraceful despite my greatest wishes. I am an anxious and mentally unwell person who gets easily overwhelmed and cannot usually handle large groups of people. I am not the most organized person, and more disastrous, decently inconsistent and have difficulty following routines.
I am worried about this so much because I question my long-term interest and potential in a certain career. What if I go to study a subject or make it into the workforce only to discover it was a bad match all along? When I decide on something, I do not want to go back to square one. I do not want there to be any question in my mind about my motivation, feeling of capability, and potential to find an education program and job in the future.
I am stuck knowing surface-level details of jobs such as the ones I listed a few paragraphs back, yet uncertain if any of them (and if not one of those, what else is out there?) are the right choice for me to pursue.
Salary is not half as important as the drive, confidence, and skill I would possess in a job. What I want, more than anything, is to aim towards a specific job title that I feel inspired by and capable in.
I guess Erik Erikson was right about his stages of development theory:
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