Girls would you be a stay at home girlfriend/Wife/Mom?

[RavVid]

It is particularly an option when your boyfriend/husband is an independent tradie or contractor.

If your boyfriend/husband said to you "Honey I don't think we can afford you to work any more since I put on another plumber on for my company. The tax accountant has suggested my company pays me less and put you on the payroll. Then we can split income and save more tax than you earn. Our combined household income will be a lot more than if you continue to work for your current employer. We will be able to afford overseas vacations.

All you need to do is to send 2 plumbing invoices a day and field 3-4 phone calls I can't because I'm up a ladder. But I think you should clean the house and cook the evening meal for me in between calls. Other than that you can play tennis with the girls, do coffee with them, whatever but what you are paid is our money not your money to blow."

WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER?

This can be a genuine option because income can be split if the girlfriend/wife has a job in the company and the tax savings can be substantial. Depends on the tax regime in your country and what the wife can earn elsewhere. If you are a waitress it's shoe in. If you are a lady lawyer probably not viable but you might be entirely over recording work you have done in 6 minute intervals and you like playing tennis with the girls.

I've always wanted to be a Stepford. Pinafore aprons are so cute! I have already texted my resignation to those exploitative aholes. I'll throw in kneck rubs as well.

I'm listening but how much can I blow on myself? I'll have a lot more free time now.

Not till you knock me up and I can be a stay at home mom.

You misogynist pig! How dare you offer me an almost work free life. You still need to do your half of the cleaning and cook your half of the evening meals.

You misogynist pig! You need to pay me more than I currently earn plus I get to blow it on ME. You still need to do your half of the cleaning and cook your half of the evening meals.

When hell freezes over you misogynist pig. I'd rather work and make anybody else money than you.

You misogynist pig! That's it. I am dumping you.

Updates

10 mo

Update 1.
Interesting. Exactly one third G&G voted for a stay at home girlfriend/Wife but girls were more likely to want to be a Stepford (41%) than guys who wanted a Stepford (20%).

If you include luke warm, i. e. willing to listen to the sales pitch and negotiate, a majority of girls are in favor at 54% but no change with the guys (20%).

[DizzyDesii]

I didn’t choose anything on the poll. I don’t think what you stated is misogynist, its just not for me. It sounds more like working from home than stay at home mom/housewife because she's still working, just from your company not hers right? I mean I guess I’d be okay with that but I’d still want to do a little more than 3-4 calls a day. I also am not going to cook and clean everyday. I prefer those chores be split between the guy and I, just as I’d like for us to both make time for the kids. I don’t want either of us being workaholics but I also won’t play molly maid on the daily. I don’t intend to work during the child’s first years or two so i guess that’d be fine as a start. But once they’re 2-3 years old and pottytrained, I’m hiring a babysitter and working at least part time. Once they’re 4 years old and old enough for preschool, I’m working full time. Preschool usually lets out around 2pm so I’d likely work a 9-5 and just need a babysitter for a few hours if the guy is not able to be home before then. I prefer we split the bills but I am not a fan of joint accounts. Anyways, thats a different story for a different day

[RavVid]

It is based on how I have seen tradies operate mostly. In a lot of cases the wife/girlfriend does do the invoicing and pick up a few calls to just take message in reality. They are not going to be flat chat busy.

Mostly I was just curious to see what the female view would be more generally. A number of guys I work with have wives who are quite happy not working and do play tennis, and socialize with the girls

Thanks for giving your perspective.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea a lot of girls here in the countryside still prefer to be housewives. Never been my dream but I def want a family. And anytime

[Inbox]

@DizzyDesii THANKYOU - disagreeing with modern day Feminist notions is automatically considered misogynist SMH

[gulabgirl]

honestly none of them. being a stay at home is a horrible decision all around because there is zero security in this world without a steady income and a savings account. additionally, many women who stay at home end up feeling extremely isolated and cut off from the world — and most have a hard time recovering from postpartum depression. on top of that most non homemakers seem to be under the impression that taking care of the house and children is an easy task, it is the furthest thing from that. most report never having a single moment to themselves and completely lose their purpose once their children grow up and move out. it’s hard and unappreciated work ensuring your children grow into good and righteous people. and not only are you mocked by your peers and husband for being a stay home, you are seen as less dignified in society. so no, i would never be a stay at home wife, girlfriend, or mom. i would instead negotiate a 50/50 equal distribution with my husband on who stays at home on certain days — it’s the 21st century, moms and dads are both capable of spending time with their kids and cooking the family’s food.

[Mewzinc]

It's the misogynists that look down/make fun of women for staying at home. They say "You are barely doing anything at all, all you do is cook and clean you have nothing to complain about so why don't you just shut your mouth and do what I want you to do." What woman would want to date/marry a guy like that. I'd prefer a guy who appreciates me for the work I do wether it's hard or not just like how I'd appreciate him for working for us. The ones who dont looked a gift horse in the mouth and appreciate it are the real ones and hard to come by. However there are too many men who have this hostile, aggressive point of view on things and come off crazy when they rave about wanting a stay at home wife. They just make themselves look like asses and misogynists.

[DermalPunch]

What a load of tripe this is.

[Mewzinc]

@DermalPunch really why?

[007kingifrit]

"many women who stay at home end up feeling extremely isolated and cut off from the world "

women who work are lonelier and might end up childless so they will know a level of sadness and unfulfillment that the rest of us could only imagine

[DermalPunch]

@Mewzinc having been on both sides of the equation I am way more fulfilled and happy. I think mom outside the home in some high-powered career particularly when the kids are small, is, selfish and a huge disservice. And I have worked from home and I run my business from home as a stay at home mom. I work way harder but I would never go back out of the house. Ever.

[Mewzinc]

@007kingifrit not every woman wants to have kids and not every woman can have kids. It's something to consider.

[Mewzinc]

@DermalPunch I actually read a case study recently about if couples feel fulfilled in their relationships comparing people who do gender roles and those who do not do gender roles. They concluded that the couples who follow gender roles feel secure in their relationships. While the couples who don't do gender roles showed the men in the relationships felt unsatisfied and insecure while they women were 50/50 about it. So basically the end result of that study was that gender roles do seem important for a healthy, stable relationship. But of course you know, that being said, it's up to what the person is comfortable in doing. Not every woman wants to be a housewife. Some guys wouldn't mind being a househusband either. So to each their own. However, I do find it annoying that so many men are against women who don't want to do gender roles. Just find the ones that are cool with it instead of fighting with and trying to force the ones they aren't even compatible with.

[strateguy632]

to gul, but what about telecommute? plenty of people including men work from home?

[megabamse]

In Scandinavia or most of Europe really i would say almost NO one is a stay at home partner or parent. Most of Europe have good paying jobs to give us just enough or more then enough depending on the situation. Most kids start in kindergarten when they are 1 year old. And most mothers combined with the father have paid parental leave for up to 40-60weeks also depending on situation and country. Kindergarten for the most part in Europe have educated workers and are really good for the kids. For the most of Europe health care is practically free, and we get lots of paid vacation time during a year. We have on average 5 work days that is mostly 6-8 hours work pr day. We are protected by the state because we pay taxes, and the taxes makes it so we get all this freedom and safety. But a two income family is so much better then just one income family. But if my love have a high income job, I would LOVE to stay home and tale care of the house and kids because i fucking hate working haha

[Mansearching]

I hope in the future that she (any one of those choices) she isn't. I hope she works. Hell of a lot easier for financial reasons. Besides, she will not serve me. Bc my legs aren't broke. I can clean. I can do laundry (doing my own since 7 years old). Dirtiness aggravates me. If we have kids then they WILL do chores or be grounded. If they are a teenagers they can do them or get out.

No one will treat anyone like slaves. We will treat each other as equals. No job is beneath us.

[gulabgirl]

that was the hottest thing i’ve ever heard of i wasn’t in a committed relationship already i would be salivating over you just from your words alone 😭

[DizzyDesii]

I enjoyed reading this for the most part until you said the teens will do all the chores. Thats where parents had me fcked up. No one should treat anyone like slaves, okay so in that case, you're older but your lets still ain't broke so parents and teens should be taking turns with the chores lmao

[Mansearching]

@DizzyDesii I meant that. I fat fingered the keyboard. Typed faster than it could... lol

[Alli39]

I also skipped the poll...

Personally I'd prefer not to be a stay-at-home anything, but depending on mine and my family's situation I might agree to it temporarily, especially if it was a matter of childcare. My preference generally lies is splitting both chores and finances though.

That said, I have a couple issues with what you presented.

First, dude. The poll. No.

Second, I raise an issue with the assumption that a person, of any gender really, objectively wants a "work-free life". Personally? I don't. I like having career/educations goals that exist outside my personal relationships. Even if that were just to work part time for a season, I usually prefer to work some than not work at all. If I did agree to work for a family business if would probably be on the grounds that I have an actual job, especially if I was quitting mine to achieve this.

Lastly, the final line in that quote is actually mildly problematic and the part that I object to the most. (I'm referring to the "it's not your money" thing.) I get why you think that way, you're the one doing all the outside work, but allow me to explain. In this situation, you're asking your SO to give up her work, and therefore her personal source of income for the betterment of the family income and asking that she take on all of the household work in exchange for not doing outside work. Which means she is working. For you. But it also means that she has no source of disposable income. She be giving up all her money to your control (which she may very well be willing to do). The issue with this is that if something happens to you or between you two, she has no safety net. It also means that any extraneous purchases she made previously using her money are no longer allowed. This level of control can be ok in a good situation, but abusive in a bad one. So if your SO specifically trusts you to that extent, then that's fine, but personally I would never be comfortable giving someone complete access to my finances. I'd suggest a compromise where she has a "salary" which you both agree on and that is proportionate to her former income (ex. If you both contributed 50% of your incomes to the household originally, ensure that she still has the other 50%, or some other agreed upon amount, of her original income to do with as she chooses, just like the money you earn is yours to do with as you choose beyond your familial commitments. Ideally this money would be kept in a separate account or written record.) This ensures her financial independence, but allows you to both reap the benefits of the change if she's willing to accept.

But generally speaking, I think this very much depends on personal preference, level of comfort, and trust. I will always defend any person's right to maintain career/work outside the home. For many, it a very important practice to help maintain boundaries and derive emotional purpose outside the family setting, as well as create a safety net should anything happen to or between the two people.

[Tiffany_Taylor_Made]

I would only consider being a stay-at-home wife if I and/or my husband were rich. Under normal circumstances, being a stay-at-home wife is not cost-effective. Paying the bills would be a much simpler task if both my husband and I were working simultaneously. In addition, having my own career serves as a safety net should any relationship problems arise. For example, if a problem exists in the relationship that results in separation or divorce, I would still have a career as a financial fallback, which wouldn't be possible if I relied entirely on my husband's financial support. As for the scenario mentioned in your post, as other users have stated, the wife is still working rather than being a full-fledged stay-at-home wife. Either way, I wouldn't choose to do any of that because I'd rather continue with my own career. As long as I have my own high-paying career, we would never be in a situation where we "can no longer afford for me to keep working." That part simply made no sense to me. Either way, I still have no problem contributing to regular household chores such as cooking and cleaning, but I expect my husband to do the same as well when he has time.

[PositiveFlight]

I come from a culture and background of plural marriage. A lot of people in the world are ignorant of it and don’t understand it so therefore they hate on it. But what they don’t understand is the benefits. Plural marriage affords women to basically do and be whatever they want. They can be purely stay at home mothers if they want, or they can seek a career and schooling and bring in an extra income for the home as well as be what they want to be career wise. Or they can do both. It’s much easier for a woman to still be a mom if she wants and have a career when she has the helping hand of several other sister wives in the home. It’s an environment where all the adults pitch in and help. Both the husband and each of the wives take turns so that everyone has their needs met. Women don’t suffer from postpartum depression because they have other wives to talk to during the day and help them, or they are able to get out and enjoy their career and aspirations without having to pay a babysitter. Children are raise within the home instead of being dumped off at daycare and treated like a number. It’s a very selfless system within the home.

[GOLDFISH_smile]

Thing is that I already have an at-home job I can do while also doing at-home regular chores. So I'm already technically a stay-at-home wife/mom who also works & we can't afford differently.

But I wouldn't want to work for my husband's company in that capacity bc I fucking hate shit like invoices and call jobs. I also am bad at them.

Why should I take a job I hate and am bad at and quit a job I like and am good at, when the only gain would be more money? Im still doing house shit n baby shit & I don't mind to. I like being at home for the kid. But if I had to work a shit job as well, that would easily become too much. I'd rather be poor than my mental health get fucked, especially when I'm responsible for the baby.

[provokeesmokee]

Why give up both?

If it's money I want and all he needs is a few extra invoices sent, I'll automate that work for him and get the money and tax advantage.

Then I keep my day job and all that money is mine.

Considering he'd already by cooking and cleaning equally, I'm happy to take on extra on the days he's away if he brings me presents.

I would still have time for friends and activities, AND I get double money.

Plus I already like cooking for people I love and since I WFH cleaning is a break from work I do throughout the day.

I'd probably still divorce him and take the business, though. Someone who talks down to a woman and assumes she just wants to laze about doesn't deserve a business. I'll hire female tradespeople - we can get shit tons of government grants and good will, plus dedicated market share among housewives.

Who's got time to be lazy?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Every time I start to miss being in a relationship I just come on G@G. Thanks for clearing my head up :)

[RavVid]

In the scenario it is either-or mostly. The benefit is moving out of top tax brackets. There is no advantage if it just shifts who pays the top tier from one side to the other. I have no idea of course wrt the tax regime in the US but the concept of salaries being a cost of the business is universal.

You could start a female tradie business now of course. In the hypothetical there would be some benefits of sharing the expensive equipment that plumbers only use occasionally on jobs. I don't know how it would work out if you weren't licensed, in issuing certificates. That's getting too complicated for me.

[RavVid]

@BoopBoopBeep You are most welcome.

[Christsdisciple15]

I’m just answering generally, not based on your scenario
I mean I feel like if I’m not working at all then sure I could probably take up a bigger proportion of cooking and cleaning but I don’t really want to do it all, that’s quite a big task. Also I don’t really enjoy doing those things all that much nor am I the best cook, I just manage. So if someone asks me to be a stay at home mom I could consider it but I’m not going to jump for joy…
I assume when I get married we’d both have separate accounts and also a joint one for bills etc. So it would be a bonus for me to earn money too.
In conclusion I guess my answer is I’m not too sure. My question would be why would a guy “need” me to be a stay at home mom? Like as a requirement? It’s not necessarily misogynistic, but it can be.

[Shamalien]

It’s not the guy that needs you to be a stay at home mom, it’s your children

[Christsdisciple15]

@Shamalien why? also my other question is would you see a stay at home dad as viable too?

[Shamalien]

Why do children need their mother around? Ask a 3 year old. Ask them if they’d prefer a daycare over their own mother. How dense can you be, honestly? Have you ever been a kid or do you not remember?

A stay at home dad is viable if the woman earns enough, but women are better suited to this role, one obvious indicator is the giant feedbags on your chest lol

[Christsdisciple15]

@Shamalien lmao you just exhibited that you are not equipped for this conversation. get well soon

[RavVid]

Just the way tax systems are structured is the motivation. If the husband and wife take the view of it is joint household income that is the most important you get the answer of maximize household income. If they take the view that their incomes are separate then you get different answers.

It could be that tax savings is about what the wife earns so she can be a stay at home mom if she likes and not be a working mom with no or little loss of household income. They might or might not see that as a good thing for them and the child.

[Anonymous]

And yet you made all the options about you, lol.

I think it depends on situation for everyone. I have 10 years of experience in Engineering, so for me it's easy to find a job that pays good. So having that in mind, I wouldn't mind being a housewife if he really has so much money that it would cover everything as if I was working. I'd still order food from time to time, and have cleaning lady from time to time, though. It's about making life easier for both, so if he loves to work so much and has so much money, hell yeah it's a benefit as long as we are both happy. But I would definitily do some volonteering or freelance jobs from time to time because I would die of boredom and I need to be mentally stimulated, I need to feel that I am contributing to society in some way. And if we break up, I still have an excelent resume to continue working as if he never happened. The point is I'd never do it if my survival depending on him.

[RavVid]

Thanks for that. I was curious what views might be taken. With you as an engineer, splitting income would be not increase household revenue but would just be a softer landing if you didn't work. By you not working the household saves tax money from the upper tiers is all.

If/when you have children would you want to be full time on child rearing and take a break from working?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend is now. I’m 29, she is 19 about to turn 20. Cooks, cleans, Does the laundry looks after the house while I work, She’s

currently pregnant with our first child. Her parents threw her out when they found out. So she moved in with me.

I told her if she just helps me do what I need to do and supports us and our family at home. I can give her a very good life. Most would only dream of.

I work, she does her thing, especially now about to become a mother. I give her spending money every week, got her a car, Life is great for her.

theirs nothing wrong with it

[OceanGirl21]

I think everybody needs a percentage of their own money to spend on what they want. One of the biggest things couples argue about is finances so expecting you to both agree 100% on what it’s spent on is setting yourselves up for trouble in my opinion. It’s taking away a level of independence and that’s only going to end up in misery.

[RavVid]

There is that aspect

[JohnK123]

That’s really true I agree with that

[Apple1996]

These options are crazy. I'm a stay at home mom and love it but it's really not as amazing as people make it seem. Lots of stress and can be very isolating. Have had depression all of the 8 almost 9 years that I've been a stay at home mom. Besides being able to be with my kids all day like everything else sucks

[Smashingdoozy]

Nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom/wife. The issue is when the man/husband makes it seem like the easiest job in the world and refuses to help in any way with household chores/child raising.

[RavVid]

I imagine stay at home mom would need some child free time after hours at least.

[Smashingdoozy]

Absolutely. Also just a break from doing laundry from time to time. Or not have to ask their partner to do something. Women do a job that has a labour cost of over 150k a year for free 365 days of the year no vacation days, no weekends, always working.

[TonyMetal___86]

@Smashingdoozy it's not easy but i consider it the best role for a woman and she will be lucky if her man grant her this opportunity, it means he truly loves her and willing to work hard to be able to support and his new family...
It seems that you want a relaxing massage after a hard day working at home doozee girl 😄

[Yannishka]

None of the options speak to me. It's not that I'm scared of household chores. I just like being out in the world between people. I'm an introvert, it's in my nature to already not seek out other people, although I do enjoy it. Work allows me to get out of my shell more. I think that if you stay at home, the world keeps spinning but you're going to be left behind.

[RavVid]

Yes. Work provides a social framework. A common ground upon which to interact. When you leave a job you might have little to say to a person you worked with because that aspect went when you left the job. So I can see your point.

[Yannishka]

It's less about having something to say to your partner. It's just the world evolving around you and you knowing about it, because you only see the house. And me already being an introvert need to be more around other people.

[RavVid]

I do think more than being inside the house is necessary. I don't think stay at home means confinement at home other wise it is house arrest.

[Lara_Croft]

If God wills it, but it is not likely that I could be married to a contractor unless the Lord willed it. If my husband said it and it would honoring to God, I would go with it. Who wouldn't want to stay at home haha, altough I'd have to have a few projects keeping me busy

[midnightmoon05]

I have my career as of age 22. Stayed home with kiddies for 5 years. till they went to school. Back to work. Now hubby is stay home dad. Working out nicely for all of us.
I don’t think I can be stay home mom for long term.
hubby is retired…doing side gig and other household stuff…he is much better than me when I was a stay home mom.

[Anonymous]

From what I understand, some women wouldn't want to be housewives because they could be more likely to suffer abuse at the hands of their husbands because they are dependent on them financially. However, if they find a loving husband, I think it could be better. I don't want my future wife to stay at home and do nothing but taking care of kids because it could lead to depression. I had to sacrifice my hobbies for lucrative jobs, but I would like my future wife to pursue her hobbies, if she does have them. For example, she could paint or play an instrument or sing or write while she takes care of the kids and I go to work.

[DermalPunch]

I wouldn't trade being a SAHM for anything. I run my own business from home. I include my kids in my life and we have a blast frankly. I have done the corporate thing and was successful in my careers outside of the home. It's harder work for sure but far more fulfilling.

[California_Poppy]

If it was really important to my husband,
I would do it. Also if we had kids, I would do it.
Other than than, I would not really want to do it.

[RavVid]

It would seem when kids come it is quite an advantageous arrangement.

[California_Poppy]

It's incredibly important to be in a child's life as much as you have the means to be.

[California_Poppy]

Is it more important to you that she's a homemaker or that you make/save that extra money?

It's not hard to work and be the one who cooks and cleans. Absent any kids, if she loved her job and really wanted to work because it made her happy, would you have an issue with that?

Just trying to understand where you're coming from.

[RavVid]

Personally? To me it would just be an option. If the wife is earning a high salary then it is not going to be economic to forgo that. If the wife doesn't have qualifications that give a high salary, than it could well work out about the same if she doesn't work at all.

I'm not going to choose a partner based on her income but on what I consider to be more important attributes. If household income is driven by my income than it is easier to increase it if I can work some extra hours than by her working extra hours. That could be more feasible with her support - say cooking the evening meal. That is just joint contribution. I work an extra hour for household income and she does an hour cooking dinner. Equal contribution.

If she would prefer to be stay at home than I would be fine with that. If she waitress'ed for a fairly low wage but enjoyed the social interaction I would be cool with her continuing that.

It really comes down to a couple working cooperatively to their common good. What is goodness is a value judgement by both.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to work if/when I have young children. I want to be home with them so I can give them the childhood they deserve. And I don't want to work and be away from them just so we can earn enough money to pay for daycare. But being a childless stay at home wife is not for me.

[nastyb]

i would only be a stay home mom to a rich man. Not some broke dude who could barely provide a good life for me and my kids. Because life as a stay home mom to the broke average joe just means a life of suffering. cost of living is high. everything is expensive.

If you want me to be a traditional woman, you better be the traditional man. Misogynists like you only like to demand that women do things for them but they could never ever do anything for the woman.

[catiecatie]

So I have a very good paying job. I would hope my future husband will have a good one as well. If I know we would be financially secure and if I didn’t like working nights then yes I’d definitely consider it.