Why is comparing yourself to others bad?

Question

seriously why? Im 31 years old turning 32 how can I not look @ other men my age and be wow why do they have all that money and success.. Is it really bad to look @ others and look within urself to see where it went wrong?

why am I 31 going to community college now? why didn't I do it before when I was like 21.. instead of now (going to school for nursing)

why is this seriously bad, how can most people not are we not all human isn't it normal?

Danzigdawson · Accepted Answer

1. Because, unless you truly know someone, all you see is the image they're trying to project, which is always success, or beauty, love, endless fun, riches, etc. (especially on social media). No one is going to upload pics of themselves being visited by the repo men; or themselves drunk, looking like shit and depressed after a devastating breakup.

2. Because no matter how (rich, handsome, beautiful, talented, successful, happily married etc.) you think you are, there's always someone who, in your eyes, is faring better than you. No one will ever reach perfection and the grass is always greener.

3. Finally, success is just like beauty: it's entirely subjective. Some may be tempted to see Van Gogh as a loser because he was poor during his whole life and only sold one painting, even though he's now one of the most widely appreciated painters in history.

People who drive a mercedes-benz are thought by some to be displaying success and respect, while others may see them as shallow douchebags who are in need to buy tangible proof of their success for the whole world to see.

Trump is seen by some as a winner because he's a billionaire but others won't ignore the fact that he's always been an incompetent business manager, that he's unfathomly stupid and ignorant and that he's only rich because his father was.

Kurt Cobain was a very talented and successful rock star who made a lasting impact in music and in society in general, however, others (including himself, strangely) see him as a whiny loser of a junkie.

mobiusforniner · Accepted Answer

Because comparing with others creates this idea of what we are “supposed” to be. People ALWAYS fail at being who they are “supposed” to be. The true measure of a person- of a man or woman’s character- is how good they’re at being who they ARE; however imperfect that may be. People tend to see the accomplishments of others as a benchmark of what their life is “supposed” to be. They do not see the pain, work or effort required to sometimes achieve those accomplishments. Remember; it is through our imperfections that we grow, learn, and become better. We don’t magically start riding a bike without first falling down, scraping knees and elbows. Life is the same. Provided we learn and improve upon our shortcomings, we thus become accountable and integral with ourselves. We become better at who we ARE. And my friend, if you can do just that- you’re one step forward in the right direction, not only for yourself, but for all humankind.

StarsInTheEyes · Accepted Answer

I actually just had a conversation with someone about this, comparing with others vs. ourselves.

I think it's not fair to compare yourself with other people, since everyone has different experiences, learns and grows differently. I think it would be okay to set someone as a goal and say "Wow I want to be like that!"

But I think to compare yourself with others, it could frustrate you and bring yourself down, since everyone's different and progress differently and you might not be like someone else overnight - and that's okay! That's expected.

Allow yourself time and put in efforts to progress to where you want to be, while comparing with yourself. It could be you from last week, last month, or a few months ago, or last year on the same date, etc.

Understand that some days you might not progress and that's normal. We're human beings! But when you compare you with yourself, it would be more realistic, instead of comparing with others! 😊

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Because other have not your upbringing or your experiences or your mental health issues.
That’s why. Other people have different IQ, different experiences, and problems of their own.

Being jealous of their success and work and advancement in life, is absurd.
It doesn’t help you in any way. All it does is bring you down, put you in a negative energy.

For What? Others have nothing to do with you 🫵

itsclearlynicholas · Answer

I've found now at 30cmyself that, and i went to "college" as you refer to it in your example, at 19, finished it before 20, that course wasn't a degree I did, anyways happily ever since I've worked different jobs/different careers and of course Covid was Covid worldwide anyhow for anyone: I've found it's easier just to go with the flow and embrace that life, is not going to be perfection and while it's nice to strive for perfection, it's best not to lose one's head or brain over it and just be cool, calm and realistic aka acceptance is bliss. Ignorance no, acceptance is bliss ☺️☺️☺️😋

Anonymous · Answer

Everybody does this to a certain extent. Some healthy competition is good.

But it’s when you let your ego take over and either do things that aren’t for your own benefit or worse you let the envy/jealousy control you and ultimately leads to severe depression and bad choices.

For a long time I felt envy among other guys who did better with women then I did. It was deeply rooted since my teen years.

So this lead to me manwhoring it up and banging any girl I could to “prove something” to myself at one time in my life. I regret doing that. Because my key motivation wasn’t my sex drive but envy and resentment.

Flatmanlewis · Answer

Well, comparing can be both motivating and also self-defeating if done wrong. I think the mindset going into it matters. There will ALWAYS be someone doing better than you so if you get caught in a cycle of self-deprecating self-talk every-time you encounter that it could be bad. As the same time when you see someone else with success and say “if they can do it, so can I!” then it’s motivating.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

It's fine you just weren't ready before or you needed a job change so you are working to be better now. I went back to college late too but it was because I believed in myself later than I did when I was younger. All that matters is you are trying to better yourself now not that you are behind others.

slatyb · Answer

No matter how much you have, someone will always have more. No matter how skilled you are, there will always be someone better. Instead think about your goals and how you can accomplish them. Your goals don't have to include things like "become the wealthiest man in the world" or "become a popular musician and an EGOT winner".

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

I'm 24 and among my peers I personally know I am probably doing the best... I still constantly find the guy doing better than me to make me feel like shit. I did this for so long man, I only stopped for about this past year.

The reality is comparison doesn't drive motivation. You need your own goals, plans, and hobbies. The more you compare the more you'll feel like you're failing or behind and it literally never ends

jennifer_bloom · Answer

Colonel Sanders was over 40 when he founded KFC which made him filthy rich at the time of his death. Vera Wang was also very old when she founded her fashion label which now makes her a near billionaire.

Anonymous · Answer

Don't compare yourself. They are living different lives and are different people with different goals. You have your own mission. You don't want to be them, you want to be the best of you. So look with in yourself and play to your strengths. Don't get distracted.

laly520 · Answer

it can have both positive n negative aspects

in the other person u could see urself thus reflect on what u r doing wrong n work on it

but if u will use it to deepen insecurities n sabotage urself then its bad

shoeboxcerealcard · Answer

It's not bad if you're aware. If you aren't aware you should avoid it because you'll depress yourself. Most people aren't aware therefore they have learned or accepted it is bad.

BCRanger10 · Answer

By itself, it's not. It ought to be cause for someone to evaluate where they are, whether they are or are not where they want to be, and if the latter, why.

The_Sexpert · Answer

1) Comparing does not make literally any difference to your situation  2) Everyone goes through different things, take your time and Don't let other's timelines bother you

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

No point to comparing. If you want something, get it, do it, learn it, find it, etc. Focus on what you want, not what other people want or have.

Xia1994 · Answer

because we are all very different from each other and we all have very different lives and experiences.

serious_miss419 · Answer

It’s not bad. You do you 🙌 if those around you leave you feeling bad or ashamed of where you’re at in life, it’s time for new people.  Do what’s best for you and your circumstances, always.

JacobJordan · Answer

When you compare the purpose is to find faults. If you look for faults you will always find them.

LiamJHayden · Answer

You can do what you want, but that kind of stuff can drive one crazy. I just try to be the best version of me.

JoeGoldberg · Answer

Because there’s no point in comparing Just be proud that you’re going somewhere now and appreciate the present.

Anonymous · Answer

You took a wrong turn, get back on track. Going to college at 31 is just weird.

whistlingwh0res · Answer

You can’t compare your life with some successful white guys. There are lots of black and Asian losers in the world.

Anonymous · Answer

It's not, it's the basis for competition

OtterMan68 · Answer

we are all unique

jahaims · Answer

It's not

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