How to be normal around your student who you once had a crush on?

[Anonymous]

Going anonymous because I fear someone I know will notice it and my username is pretty much something people can associate with me. I'll delete the post soon.

Now please listen to me before you all start getting worried- he wasn't my student when I liked him. Around 3 years ago we were in the college together: I'm 2 younger than him, so I was in my honors final year and he was pursuing his post-graduation. I liked him A LOT but he had no clue. It's no ordinary crush, I would say it was very very intense. Then I moved to a different university to pursue my postgraduate degree and didn't know anything about him. Later I cleared a national level exam and now I'm working as a full-time, earning researcher at a university.

Recently, I received a call from my college asking me to help the unemployed former and current students by teaching some voluntary classes, particularly on the national level exam I cleared. I agreed. However, in my first class (online mode though) I noticed him there. He asked me some questions he had in the end of the class, and I again felt the nervousness I had years ago. My voice trembles and I struggle to keep the camera on. I don't like him anymore but when I did it was very strong and that memory still controls my impulses sometimes. How do I handle this? Please don't be mean.

[DonaldDarko]

I'd say you still like him. This kind of stuff really sucks in life, I feel bad for you having to deal with this when you have so much to do. Maybe there's a way to get out of being around him.

[Asker]

I don't like him still but I've liked only three people in the 24 years of my life and sadly he's one of the three. The feelings have gone away but the nervousness is still there, it reminds me of those days. Back then I used to avoid him as much as possible, it didn't wear off gradually, we just simply ended the terms at that institution and moved on in life. Over the course of time I stopped thinking about it. My fear is most probably irrational, he'd never know that I liked him, I never told it to anyone except my then best friend (she guessed it, I didn't accept but yes she knew). I don't like him anymore but I can't see him the way I see other people because of those memories.

[DonaldDarko]

I'm like you , I only ever felt for two women and I was delusional both times. Neither one of them was actually what I thought they were. This stuff is all in our heads.

[Asker]

You're right. I think the main reason I liked him was I made an image of him in my head. The image isn't the same anymore, it's just that I need to accept that I've moved on.

[DonaldDarko]

It's a strange phenomenon how the way someone looks could get under your skin like that. The fact that it is wildly inaccurate is shocking as well. Of course nature is trying to produce offspring which is the ultimate goal, not our happiness, we're expendable in fact. Both the women I fell for were Celtic girls. I'm largely Scottish myself so it could be there is some sort of tribal recognition there. Under that rubric I could have been attracted to German girls as well. Maybe I inherited some kind of attraction to Celtic girls because that gene presented in lieu of the German one.

[BarryLiverstone]

If the feelings are still that intense can you switch classes with someone else?

[Asker]

I mean I get nervous. There are around 3-4 people and every student is to attend every class. I can leave the work giving some sort of excuse (since it's unpaid and solely voluntary, they won't tell me anything). But I feel bad, my professors requested me to do it since my college can't afford to pay us but looks up to us for helping them. I don't want to hurt their feelings.

[BarryLiverstone]

If your voice is trembling and you can’t concentrate, it’s unfair to the other students. As it’s unpaid you may seek another place to volunteer as he will not be going away. Do you crush on anyone else?

[Asker]

It doesn't tremble while teaching, it's during the interaction period in the end. I did control the trembling last time. It's much better than how it used to be at college, we were part of a project team and I remember never really looking up while talking to him, lol. He even thought I had something against him because of the way I avoided having any type of direct conversation with him. It no longer bothers me as much. However, I fear getting nervous in future. No, I dont like anyone else. I can seek another place to work and probably I do not need to do the voluntary work at present. However, turning my former institution down feels bad. That's why I'm trying to get over the nervousness.

[BarryLiverstone]

If he’s really cute, it’s likely he has a girlfriend. Have you noticed him with a girl after class?

[Asker]

As I've mentioned, the classes are online. The reason is many of us live far away from college now, including me (I live in a different state for work). So, no chance of knowing that. I heard he dated one of my classmates in these years, they broke up as well. I don't want to be mean but if you're 26 and unemployed, it gets hard to have relationships. Please don't take the statement otherwise, I was unemployed for few months after my postgraduate degree and I know how that feels.

[BarryLiverstone]

Not really sure where 26 and unemployed was part of this question unless that’s him? But ok

[BarryLiverstone]

…unless you mean that your crush is unemployed. That would be a challenge because by now we have bills and responsibilities, the paycheck is needed to adult

[Asker]

You didn't get my point. I said that to suggest that he's unemployed and 26, so it must be difficult for him or anyone in this economy to have a relationship. It can also be sabotaging to someone's mental health. The classes we are conducting are to help our unemployed former classmates, seniors and juniors and he's a part of it as he's struggling to find employment too.

[WhitneySnow]

Is it unethical under the rules of your university to go out with him now that he’s no longer a student there either?

[Asker]

No, I guess. He's no longer a student and I'm officially not an employee, it's solely a voluntary work (I don't get paid, doing this because my once upon a time professors requested me).

[WhitneySnow]

So chill! Talk to him. See if he’s into you too. Don’t be too aggressive, just maybe flirt a little. Lowkey (probably not professional to flirt too hard even if it isn’t unethical).

[AI Opinion]

Navigating past emotions can indeed be challenging. Acknowledge your feelings privately, allowing yourself to process them. Focus on your professional role and the knowledge you're there to impart. Practice deep breathing or mindfulness techniques before and during classes to reduce anxiety. Remind yourself of your current accomplishments and the professional environment you're now part of. Gradually, with each encounter, the situation should become easier. If feelings persist, consider seeking support from a trusted friend or counselor for additional perspective. Remember, your past emotions don't define who you are now, and you have the strength to overcome them.