How do I fix things with a coworker I’ve avoided but still like?

[Anonymous]

There’s a coworker that I met the year before Covid that I was attracted to and still am. I didn’t see her for 3 years because she was WFH. I’m a warehouse worker and she’s white-collar. We originally worked in different buildings, but when they renovated unused office spaces in my warehouse they moved her and others into the building. When I saw her again, I was cowardly and I pretended like I didn’t know her because it had been so long. I was worried about awkwardness but when I started avoiding her it made things even more awkward. It’s been 4 years of me pretending like I don’t see her if I spot her in the distance or taking a different route if I know she’s around. I’ve gone back and forth several times about going up to her and trying to clear the air, but I chicken out at the last moment. I don’t have a lot of dating or relationship experience, and I’m way past the age that I should. It’s embarrassing, and I doubt myself a lot when I’m around someone that I like. She’s definitely noticed that I’ve been avoiding her, there was a moment relatively recently where she came up to me when I was standing in line for food at a company barbecue and she started straight into my soul. She looked irritated and disappointed. Later that same day, I saw her form across the picnic area and I thought about talking to her. She noticed me looking at her and she quickly gave me a big open smile. I can’t read her mind, but the message I got from her actions was that’s she’s tired of me avoiding her and that it’s ok for me to talk to her. What should I do?

[SueShe]

To "fix" things with that coworker, you will have to talk to her. Writing her is not the solution as it will indicate that you are not only shy but also cowardly.

What are you risking by talking to her? Rejection at best and nothing more. What is your aim with this woman anyway? You state that you are likely to leave your job later in the year. That means you are not going to see her in the future anyway. Is it really worth all that trouble?

Your best option is to talk to her and explain your position and see how she reacts.

[Asker]

You’re right, it isn’t worth the trouble. This workplace is no good for me and I need to focus on fixing my finances and on getting a real career instead of this dead end job. If I was going to try to fix things I should’ve done it a long time ago.

[SueShe]

thanks for the MHO

[SassyAussieAddy]

Honesty. It can be difficult but being upfront and owning up to our mistakes with a sincere apology can work wonders. Take accountability that you messed up because you were uncertain and freaked out a bit. Emotions often dont make sense. Fixing this may require handling some embarrassment and awkwardness but anyone worth knowing will be willing to hear you out.

[Nikki1989]

Do the job you are paid to do. You don't mess with coworkers.

[Asker]

Yeah, that’s what I’ve thought since the beginning. The thing is my job there doesn’t pay well and is really not serving my interests anymore. If I’m planning on leaving my job at some point soon would that change your opinion?

[Mariogirl09]

You'll have to get over your fear. It takes practice

[Asker]

What would be a good way to practice?

[Mariogirl09]

Say hi to different girls and talking to them

[Mariogirl09]

You have to practice

[Mariogirl09]

But what may help is passing her a note and telling her you're shy with your number on it. Talk through messages might help too