How do I deal with this coworker?

[LL2933]

So I have been working in a company for 3 months. Already I have been experiencing anxiety to the point where I every day before I go into the office I have massive anxiety and panic and I have to call my mum before I mentally prepare myself to go into work.

There is this colleague who I work with who works a level above me so sometimes she is responsible for handing over work to me to get done. She told me before that she has an obsessive personality but it is starting to grate on me.

What is really annoying me is how nosey she is being about what work exactly it is I am doing. She has admitted to going on my personal schedule and having a look at it to be nosey. It’s starting to feel suffocating. Usually before I have even logged on she will message me asking how I am and how my weekend was and then asking me about what work I’ve got set to do and giving me lots of tasks to do. I am starting to feel overwhelmed.

The other day I was at an event and wasn’t working on any tasks specifically and she sent me a message on Teams asking me what exactly I was working on that day and then said “I’m just being nosey”

Then the other day I had to put up a boundary with her because she was being so overbearing with me and I was polite about it and said I had too many deadlines and tasks to action any of her work she had given me. And then she sent me another message saying ‘what work are you exactly doing right now?’ But then deleted the message straight away.

Recently she’s just been emailing me with thousands of corrections and criticisms of my work. It really gets me down and makes me feel rubbish about myself. When I’m in the office with her I feel this tension around her and I just feel uncomfortable. If I ask her ‘can I ask you a question about something’ she will reply harshly with ‘no’ and then say ‘just joking what do you need?’

Is making me feel so on edge, how do I deal with this?

[DreamCrescent]

i’m sorry, girlie, but i don’t understand the source of your anxiety and trauma


you’ve only worked there three months. you’re not at the point to turn down or pick and choose what you work on. she is a level above you, she is responsible for the work you’re producing, of course she would send you redlines and edits. you should be open to feedback


not being your supervisor doesn’t mean much. trust me, it’s your supervisor who would be okaying the work that this person is handing you. there’s a team spirit in the workplace and you’re better off contributing everywhere you can rather than solely accepting tasks from your direct supervisor.


when she says “i’m just being nosey” she isn’t literally being nosy. she is held accountable for your performance and the quality of work you’re doing.


if a higher up is asking what is on your plate, you should think about wheth everyone is aware of what you’re working on. it’s a bad perception for others to feel like you’re not being productive. there’s also the possibility that at three months in, you should be handling more work than you are


everyone has a style and that’s any workplace for you. if she’s has told you she leans towards obsessive, you need to be managing up. ask her what you could do to better align with her expectations. if it takes meeting every couple days for a debrief, suggest that


going crying to your supervisor at 3 months into the job is not a good look. this person, whether you like her personally or not, is senior to you, responsible for your work, and more experienced. the feedback she’s giving you that is “making you feel rubbish” should be adding to your experience and skill set.


to ease your emotions/calm your nerves, ask for a one on one session with her to clear the air. she isn’t being hostile towards you by any means based on what you’ve written. ask how she feels you are doing and what you could be doing better and you’ll know. trust me, you’ll find you’re doing a lot better than you think based on the lack of communication as it is right now. loop in your supervisor, too, if you’d like


good luck with everything and i hope it gets better for you soon

[Anonymous]

1. Set clear boundaries.
2. Document instances of uncomfortable behavior.
3. Address the behavior directly.
4. Involve HR or management if necessary.
5. Seek support from trusted individuals.
6. Prioritize self-care.

[Billlewis]

Try to end the conversation quickly, by either changing the subject or abruptly telling her that you're in the middle of something, etc.

[Iron_Man]

if it’s that bad transfer out or go somewhere else or talk to this man and straighten it out

[Jones_Feb22]

I found some good advice from a YouTube... give a search

[Booklover_90]

You should go to your supervisor about this.

[Anonymous]

Alert your supervisor.

[James_Likes_PPL]

Not to be sexist but a male supervisor, and don’t trauma dump like he’s your boyfriend just tell him that this coworkers micromanaging is influencing your work performance and it needs to stop. That’s all you have to say.