I want to be a writer when I get older because Im weirdly creative and writing is seriosuly my joy. People tell me I have a gift, and they find my stories interesting but I dont want to be another person they're lying to. So read my story and give me honest feedback. Is it interesting?
This one is called "The Purge(based on the real purge).
“Come on Lamar, its going to be fun.” I say
Lamar rolls his eyes sarcastically, ” whats the point its not going to be scary” he states putting up a front. Even though I know he’s going to shriek more than once.
” Dude just come on, Abby is busy and Izzy is doing a collab with those youtubers Dan and Phil. So basically you’re my last choice” I plead.
Lamar turns abruptly, “okay fine, but remember you owe me big time.” We turn and enter the House of Screams. As soon as we’re inside, creepy signs are covering each wall. Some read “Hold onto your sanity” or ” Beware what is seen cannot be unseen“. So I gotta admit this is pretty freaky, I dont mind a scare every now and then like the next person but its something about the thought of getting scared on Halloween that makes me want to run away in fear. Maybe because of how many times I've seen ” The Purge”. Which isn't real I know, but its still engraved in my mind. I stop and turn towards Lamar,
“you know we dont have to go in if you dont want to, I’ll totally understand” I lie. Lamar just smirks at my fear.
“Nope, too late to get scared now. If I’m doing this so are you. Just try not to look so mortified, that face you’re making right now literally has me shook” he replies. I gather all my courage, and continue the journey through the demon possessed haunted house. In about 35 minutes Lamar and I finally make it out, we survived ghosts, screaming children, and and old couple making out. Talk about creepy, eww. It still gives me chills.
” I was really expecting more of a scare factor” I say all nonchalent while looking for a snack cart.
“Yeah even I have to admit, that was a let down. I was looking forward to you getting so scared you’d pee your pants” Lamar smirks. We all know who would have really pee’d their pants. I finally see a popcorn cart but as Lamar and I start walking towards it Izzy comes running towards with fear written across her face. Once she gets to to us she takes a breath.
“He’s approve it” she spats out quickly. Lamar and I just stare at her completely confused wondering why she’s not doing her collab.
” Izzy slow down. What are you talking about?” I ask afraid of the answer but my curiosity gets the better of me. She hands me her phone with a news update video. I press play, a channel 7 news anchor appears on the screen.
“Donald Trump has offically stated that on October 31, 2018 at exactly 9pm the purge will begin. Everyone make sure you’re safe, lock down and be careful. Dont trust everyone” the news anchor says leaving Lamar and I speechless. I hand Izzy back her phone.
” Is he crazy?!? Just springing this on everyone worldwide on Halloween. Like who does that?” Lamar exclaims. God I hope I make it to November the 1st, I silently pray. Just before I can respond to the problem at hand all the lights in the amusement park go out. People start screaming and I hear quick running, cars starting up. Like seriously if you’re going to make the purge legal make it on the actual day its suppose to be on, March 21 to 22. Even Donald Trump messed that up.
“Izzy?” I call out into the darkness, ” what time is it?” I question uncertain. I hear her press a button.
” Its exactly 9:00pm” she says. A voice comes over the speakers throughout the amusement park.
“This is not a test. This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the U.S Government. Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning, until 7 a.m., when the Purge concludes. Blessed by our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn. May God be with you all.” Thats when I truly realize we’re all doomed. Its like the Hungar Games but much worse. Just then a loud siren blares through the amusement park.
The lights in the amusement park come back on. I see people running, some being chased by others in mask. Some holding bats, and even tree branches. A man runs towards us, reaches in his pocket and pulls out a knife.
“Here take it. Get back home to your families and be safe” he says with caution. I hesitately reach for it.
” Why are you helping us” Izzy askes him strangely. Im wondering the same thing.
” I have a daughter about the same age as you guys and I’d want someone to do anything in their power to help her if she needed it” he replies.Usually strange men dont give knives to minors, but its the purge. Which means anything goes I guess. I grab it out of his hand and hope I dont have to use it.
” Thanks” Lamar says to him. Just then I hear the sound of someone starting a chainsaw coming from behind us. A man in a mask, dressed in all black runs towards the man who helped us at full force. The man starts fighting back but how do you beat someone who has a chainsaw.
“Run, go!” the helpful man screams at us. So Izzy, Lamar and I run, and we dont stop. I dont look back because I fear I might see something that’ll haunt me for the rest of my life.
What Girls & Guys Said
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I think it's good, but a little too much dialogue. Just include more descriptions about the character's thoughts and the atmosphere. I'm also writing a book by the way :)
I write a lot of short stories, and Im also writing a book.
That's great, how old are you?
15, I turn 16 in March.
Do you have wattpad? :)
No should I? I usually just use this school site.
I just made me an account even though I haven't posted yet, its Young_BlackQueen16
I'll be sure to check it out. I'm writing a novel but it's on hold for now due to exams. Why don't you PM me or follow me? That way it'll be easier talking. :)
It says you only allow messages to people you follow
whats you name on wattpad?
I'll change that then try again.
There its changed try it again :)
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