What do you think about this lyrical arrangment?

[Apulu_Imback]

https://voca.ro/1hwJSoVLygJW

(I know I sang pretty bad, my voice is cracking and as a good listener and judge I won't even rate my voice cuz it's below 0. I literally have a sore throat with cough and I couldn't reach the high note so please just focus on the lyrical arrangement of the lyrics : ) )

The lyrics:

(Pre chorus)

You see that tear, you think I'm free

Leavin' you I fear, don't pass me like breeze

Keep it smooth without crease, please.

(Chorus)

Please hear me out before we fade away

Hear me out before I go away

Stay with me for this one last time

Say that everythin' is fine

Please hear me out before we fade away

Hear me out before I go away

Let me say you one last thing

I love you, only you, only you.

What do you think about how these lyrics are arranged in musical way? The music will be with piano and drums.

[SnowedIn]

This is really good! I wouldn't change a thing!

[Apulu_Imback]

That means it's good enough to be presented to piano sir since you have honest opinions!

[SnowedIn]

You're very kind. It really is good and you sang it well, cold not withstanding. Piano behind it would be lovely. I'd go light on the drums... perhaps almost a snare, just a hint.

[Apulu_Imback]

Yeah, for the drums they are for like giving beats during the points when there is no singing just as a rise up.

[serious]

Come on!. Give yourself some credit. Your voice is good as it is. The lyrics also is good and well written.

[Apulu_Imback]

My voice is good if we listen to it as if a normal person is singing who hums time to time and loves music. But if we judge it from a musicians point of view then it's nothing. Maybe it's good because every instrument player sings while playing their instrument so their voice polishes gradually with time, I play the piano after all. And thank you!

[serious]

Come on!. You should not be comparing yourself to a musician or a professional Hollywood/Bollywood singer.

There is no comparison there.

[Apulu_Imback]

Nope I'm not, it's just a fact and it's not like I'm ashamed to sing because of this. I know how music works and this is totally out of track, I mean my voice. And it's okay if it's like that. I haven't taken any singing classes. And after all my voice changed quite a bit after puberty so I'm not yet completely synced in with my voice, recently it became more deeper and I'm having trouble reaching high note. I'm not comparing myself but I can do better if I give it much more importance.

[serious]

I am sure you will improve.

[Apulu_Imback]

Yes, thank you!

[QuietVerbena]

Beautiful lyrical arrangement

[Apulu_Imback]

Thank you!