Molding Clay: A mess or something beautiful?

[nickbrick]

I'm 23, Single, and a sports addict, and I have never understood why some women don't want kids.

Since I really started thinking about it, I have wanted kids. I have wanted to leave something in my legacy. Something to raise, to mold, to shape and develop as it grows into something beautiful.

I want to play backyard soccer with my son, I want to watch my daughter try to catch fireflies. I want to tell my kids bedtime stories. I want to help them through their struggles. I want to see what they grow up to be. I want to see what job they will have.

I have always wanted kids....

Recently though, I talked to one of my female friends and she told me that she didn't want kids. When I asked her why. She simply stated "Kids are gross."

Now this is a problem. Yes kids are gross, especially babies. All they do is eat, poop, and sleep. Then when they get older and can move. They eat, poop, sleep, and break things. But I can handle that. I can handle any mess they make.

Yesterday though I finally realized why I might not want kids.

In a target I saw a father and two sons. One just sat there bored picking his nose, and the other son picked up everything off the shelf (and I mean everything!!!) and kept saying "Dad... Hey Dad ...Dad...Hey Dad" Until his father would look at him. Then the son would say "Isn't this cool! Its so cool! Look at it" and his father would nod his head and murmer "mhh hhhm"

This is the issue I might have. Kids getting on my nerves. Could I survive 3-5 years with a son or daughter of mine constantly getting on my nerves? I mean, I would already have enough stress from work and bills.

So I guess I finally see two reasons why people don't want kids. They make a mess, and they can be annoying. Yet, in the long run I hope that the good memories outweigh the bad.

When I was little I tried to make breakfast. I cracked eggs, got out the flour, through bread all over the table and made the world's largest mess in the Kitchen. I'm sure my parents had a absolutly fantastic time cleaning that up.... Yet, now we look back on it and we laugh. Or at least, they laugh. After 20 years, my parents only see a funny thing I did. They don't remember the pain of cleaning up after me.

And that is what I hope parenting is. Suffering through the pain at the begginning until my spouse and I can take a piece of clay and mold it. Mold it with love and care until it becomes something beautiful. And in the end, after 20 years we can laugh about the hardships and simply watch what our creation creates of its own.

And so I still want kids. I can see why some people might not, yet I want to raise someone into something beautiful. I want to make him or her the best person they can be, and maybe they can have a positive impact on me as well. So as the world spins on and on, as the wheel spins round and round, as a piece of clay is molded, something beautiful comes forth unil it one day I can look at it with the proudness of a father.

[YcleptLove]

I don't want kids because I'm selfish.
I want to shop without a budget.
I want to travel with my SO at any time we please.
I want to have sex anywhere in our home with being interrupted.
I want to sleep in on weekends.
I love me time.
Kids have ruined the lives of most of my family. They are miserable dealing with they child's mother or father for the rest of their life. Sure they love the kid but it's not worth it to be stuck with people you hate. I know that most people would say to get married and you wouldn't have to deal with this, but most people in my family were married.
I also don't want to ruin my body. lol, this is a big one. But if I do choose to someday have kids I'd rather adopt.

[nickbrick]

I totally hear you. Everyone definitely has to look at the pros and cons and make their own opinion. Well said.

[bluenose1872]

Kids are hard work but they're beautiful. I'd recommend doing everything you ever wanted first before you have them though as your life's over when you do. It's not about you anymore it's about the kids. Your just a servant. That's when you really become a man. I worked 7 12 hour shifts a week for 2 years and got by on 2 hours sleep a night if I was lucky when I had my wee girl. Then her brother came and I nearly died under the pressure. Believe or not it's worth it though. I think anybody who doesn't love kids are weirdos. That's the meaning of life to pass on your genetic legacy. Every feeling you have is geared towards it.

[VampireEmpress]

wow. I'm curious, what was so expensive about the kids?

[bluenose1872]

@VampireEmpress had a house to pay for. Car for her getting about. I got picked up and dropped off in the van so I was okay. Got a dozen bills. Nappies, food, formula milk. Everything adds up. I was losing nearly a grand a month out of my pocket. The clothes and the millions bits and pieces a kid needs. Cot, moses basket, bedding, steriliser, bottles, bibs. There's a ton of stuff. Modern families are a big money maker. Mum is still fashion concious so you wants a 500 quid pram. That's nearly a thousand dollars. It's a nightmare.

[VampireEmpress]

wow!!! this kind of story, is why if I ever have kids I'll be as frugal as possible. they outgrow all of those things so fast, I wouldn't know where I'd get the money to buy so much. you sound really tough to be able to have gotten through that... unless it's not over? are the kids less expensive now?

[bluenose1872]

@VampireEmpress lmao. No they get more expensive as they get older. You've just got to get the mentality that I don't count any more. Only they count. It's their needs that matter not mine. I split with her last year. The kids are older now, not adults but self aware and a lot less strain. Sometimes it feels like a waste of 12 years. Other times it seems like a war I fought through. Can't remember large chunks of it coz I was like a zombie. I'm suprised I never killed myself at work. I was barely paying any attention to what was happening

[VampireEmpress]

wow, so you pay for all of the bills by yourself or have the same work schedule? I'm curious about what you think about when the kids get 18+. would you still pay for their college or let them live at home over that age? I don't think there's anything wrong with kids paying their own college expenses or some bills from home.

[bluenose1872]

@VampireEmpress once they're 16 they'll be taking care of themselves. I'll help them but they'll be carrying their own weight. My dad was earning his own keep at 9. I was at 15. Uk isn't like america where you're to rely on your family or go without. UK has social programmes funded by the taxpayer to put kids through vocational training for work. There's systems in place for education.

[VampireEmpress]

you're right. in the usa there's only grants, loans, or scholarships. which are usually small, or give people the chance to use their financial aid for thier living expenses instead of paying for college.

I'm still curious about why older kids can cost more. I know they outgrow things faster, but can't you still just buy them a few too big outfits every couple of months? or have them make their own food so you don't spend a lot on prepackaged food? and school/sports stuff isn't cheap. but in my family that's why you only did one sport a year, or none at all. my family spent maybe a few thousand a year by doing all of that, so I've always assumed kids were cheapish.

although, lots of parents where I live do pay for their kids' car, cell, and college. in mine, you paid for all of that yourself or didn't have any of it... or, even if you lived rent free you just added a little to the food and utility bills.

[nickbrick]

Totally Agree! Now I just need to find a wife and do some travelling...

[bluenose1872]

@VampireEmpress kids have got a million interests you have to keep up with not to mention they're fashion concious as hell thanks to the tv and their idiotic pals. They want the best gear. They want the best toys. I live in a big city but it's not impersonal like a lot of america. People know each other and there's a lot of community and a web of society. You end up with a reputation as a cheap bastard sending you're kids out to school in crap. Especially if your earning a good wage. It's nonsense I know but it's about them like I said. My wee girl is a good dancer but it costs an arm and a leg. My boys into football but his uncles a coach and I'm an ex player so that costs nothing just now.

[VampireEmpress]

xD good luck with all of that then. you're right, that will just get more and more expensive as they get older. I don't think it's nonsense at all; you sound like a really caring parent.

[bluenose1872]

@VampireEmpress hello again! Thought I'd lost you. You'll know what I'm talking about when you have them. You don't need some special gift to be a parent. Your kids carry that with them when they arrive. You don't know what love is until you see your own wee ones looking up at you. Don't question yourself when or if it happens. It'll come eventually. I never felt anything when I first seen mine apart from a wee bit of amusement. The love sometimes comes a lot later. Word of advice from an old cunt though. Wait until you've done everything you want or you meet a guy you love completely. Sometimes these things happen without either but it makes the journey so much easier with at leat one box ticked. Life's chaos though. Go with the flow and try to make the best of what your given. Ignore idiots who try and tell you need to do certain things beforehand. They're usually virgin who have been on the internet too long and have never lived

[VampireEmpress]

lol don't worry. I make sure to log in once a day @ least if I have time. and good advice! I agree with living your life 1st, and I also think you're right about many of the online people being weird.

[ThisDudeHere]

Yeah I want them too but it doesn't look like I'll ever get them.

[nickbrick]

Hey, I'm single too so don't worry. I'm sure someone will come around :D

[Anonymous]

Ummm where have you been my whole life? Marry me. 😍 lol

[nickbrick]

Wish I could :D